1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured Understanding Internship communication issues

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Jun 17, 2019.

  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    Ok, so Disclaimer. I know I create a lot of threads, I am doing this so that I can improve my understanding of body language and social situations. I can’t ask these kinds of questions to others.

    _____________________

    I started an Internship a week ago. The Internship is managed by my University and is for disabled students.

    At the moment I am trying to get my head around the social standing of the group.

    The group is composed of six other members. Two of which have gone and are doing their Internship remotely.

    The rest have a combination of Dyspraxia, ADHD and Deaf. They don’t appear to be Autistic or have social issues.

    So, some of the problems I have noticed socially.

    I). The Dyspraxia female talks a lot (Does Dyspraxia make people talk a lot?) She constantly interrupts everyone and doesn’t allow anyone to really get involved in group discussions. She volunteers for everything and will not let anyone else get ahead of her. (Volunteered to go to a meeting representing the group and said that most of us could not come) I feel that she is brown nosing.
    II). ADHD girl. Less abrupt and interrupting but takes charge of everything also.

    *All colleagues are competitive with their work*


    These two females met after today’s staff meeting to set up various facilities. I tried to get involved but they sort of swatted me away in a polite manner.

    I know that they both met up this morning as they were discussing a meeting that they were having that I was not notified of.

    What is the point of this? Why are these two females grouping up and trying to do something different to everyone else and won’t allow the rest of us to get involved? To make a point that they are “special”?

    Not sure how to interact with people like this. Just shut up and ignore them? That is what I am doing at the moment and it is making me feel ignored and insignificant but I don’t want to get involved in their behaviour.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
    • Friendly Friendly x 5
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,790
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,108
    There's not much you can do with that type of person. And, usually, the boss or whoever is in charge doesn't do anything because they like being kissed up to. I was always the type to shut up and ignore it, but I know I'm more passive than aggressive. I wasn't trying to further any advancement or anything but if I were trying - my passiveness would not have helped me move up. I preferred being hidden in the background anyway.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    Thanks. Is this a normal dynamic in the work environment or are these people immature?
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  4. shysnail

    shysnail Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    170
    Joined:
    May 14, 2019
    Karma:
    +562
    I feel like a bit more context would be helpful here. Is there something to be gained if these girls seem like they're doing the "best" at this internship? Do you have a set project that needs doing over the course of the internship, or is it just a continuous flow of work?

    What are the other people in the group doing whilst this is going on?

    I think group dynamics will dictate that there's usually one or two people that take charge. It's not always because they're trying to exclude others. Sometimes they don't even realize they're doing it (In my experience, most talkative people don't see themselves as talkative :D) Sometimes it's just they feel more in control of their workload if they're the one in control. They might also think they're doing the group a favour.

    Since you know what's going on with everyone else in the group (dyspraxia, ADHD etc.) do they know you're autistic? If so, is there a possibility that they're not including you in meetings to try and make things easier on you?

    Obviously you may be right and they're brown-nosing and trying to push others out, but I think it's usually worthwhile to think if there might be more positive reasons for people's behaviour, too!
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,790
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,108
    I think you can expect it in every work place just about. People at work used to remind me that 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease', and some I worked with (I think) the boss would accommodate them just to shut them up sometimes.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  6. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    329
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2018
    Karma:
    +761
    Perhaps they're forging a friendship with each other, or trying to?

    You don't have to. Just let them get on with it. Being friends with colleagues is a choice, it's not compulsory.

    Yes, every workplace has its own 'petty politics'. Interesting (amusing) at times to observe, but best to stay detached from it all.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,083
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +6,010
    From what little I know of dyspraxia, I don't see why it would cause someone to talk or interrupt.

    ADHD would.

    What the heck!

    Maybe you mixed up diagnoses? :eek:
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  8. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,323
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +11,103
    I know two people with dyspraxia and one does talk a lot, and very quickly - the other not particularly. I don't think it's a characteristic of dyspraxia, but a personality trait. Talking a lot and interrupting and volunteering/wanting to start or get involved with a lot of projects sounds more like an ADHD thing to me.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  9. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    She said she had another disability but she wouldn’t tell us what it is.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  10. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    Maybe she does have ADHD. Is ADHD a child like disability? Why would she want to over volunteer?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,158
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,111
    Maybe she is just enthusiastic about the work and want's to do her best? Maybe she is insecure and wants approval? Maybe she's ASD and completely oblivious to how her behaviour may be affecting others? I think you are putting a more negative than necessary spin on their behaviour.

    It is normal in a group for one or two people to take the lead, and the sort of personality which is inclined to do so also tends to be the sort that is inclined to make extra effort in other ways, such as volunteering for a lot of jobs. If you want to take more of a leadership role in the group you just have to be more assertive, don't allow them to push you aside or talk over you, and if they persist in doing so then calmly and politely mention it to them.

    There are some general rules that help with 'criticising' others in a way that will make them feel good about it and want to help you: Catch the person away from the group (never criticise people in front of team members). Always frame negatives in a way that it sounds like it is about yourself, and positives in a way that it is about them, and make it clear how they can help you. e.g. "I have noticed that you are really good at asserting yourself and expressing your thoughts in the group. That's something I really struggle with in a group setting, and I was hoping you might be willing to help me out and give me chance to take a more active role on a more regular basis".
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  12. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,323
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +11,103
    Some people with ADHD might volunteer more for things because they are impulsive, but it might just be that they are enthusiastic and it's a personality trait. Without knowing the person it's impossible to say.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    I just don’t want those two to overshadow the rest of the group or get extra recognition.

    I mean they are literally doing everything, every task. Just now they’ve sent out an email to University staff speaking on behalf of the rest of us without really discussing this with us.

    This means that we cannot get involved in the process or meet with the staff.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    329
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2018
    Karma:
    +761
    That's her prerogative.

    We only have to tell people what we want them to know.

    Perhaps because she wants to. Why should she have to justify what she does/what she volunteers for?

    Why not? Are you envious of them?
     
  15. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    22,492
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +27,424
    You didn't mention what this internship pertains to, though in a generic way I can only point out that such an environment reflects a precursor of sorts of what the business world is like socially. Where everyone around you is not your colleague or friend so much as your competitor. And that at best some of them might be "allies" if it serves you- and them as such.

    Some people adapt to this environment better- and faster than others. In essence you must assert yourself. It's the only real option you have in a business environment (office) in the social sense. None of you are there to make friends, but to better yourselves.

    And you can't better yourself if you appear and/or remain passive, especially in such a competitive and ultimately socially predatory environment. It's better for you to experience such unpleasantness now in an internship than in the real business world. Where most people discover to their horror that their business hierarchy is more of an impersonal food chain than anything else.

    Unless of course you are able to choose, pursue and sustain employment that doesn't involve routine contact and having to deal with a consensus of others. If this sounds worse than dealing with schoolyard bullies, I can sadly assure you that it is. Where you aren't facing the malice of others so much as conflicting with their most basic survival instincts. -Much higher stakes.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2019
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
  16. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

    Messages:
    210
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2018
    Karma:
    +503
    It is important that you don't allow your feelings of distance from these two women to further develop. Don't demonize, don't pathologize. Their style is very different than yours, but is neither better nor worse. Just different.

    If you feel squeezed out of any action by these gals, you have several options. One might be to directly address it with them. Another might be to talk with your organizational sponsor or mentor or supervisor.

    What do you want to get out of your internship? People have different aims. They might just want a line on a resume. They might want a good recommendation from the company. They might want to actually go to work for the company. They might want to learn about an industry. They might want to learn workplace dynamics.

    Whether you like it, or not, "teamwork" is a real corporate value nowadays. These two gals get it, and hope to demonstrate what they can do, with an eye to future employment. They aren't trying to edge you out - they probably don't care about you at all - they are trying to accomplish some goals on their internship and not waste any time doing it. This will help them get their next job.

    What do you want to do about it?
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  17. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,083
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +6,010
    I volunteer to do a lot of work in groups, mostly having to do with a desire for control.
     
  18. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    283
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Karma:
    +240
    Yes - I feel like these two are taking on all this work to control and influence the rest of the group.

    The first start of this was when one tried to edit my submitted work.

    No idea really how to approach this as I am not confrontational.

    Just cannot stand people trying to get on a pedestal.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  19. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,083
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +6,010
    That sounds like things I have the potential to do, and, for me, it would have nothing to do with a pedestal. But I have had someone get mad at me for editing their work! I just don't see how correcting errors is offensive, but I've been shown enough times that others don't agree there!
     
  20. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,158
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,111
    I've also had someone get mad at me for editing their work. Fact was that is was a group project and their contribution was full of spelling and grammar errors and was generally a bit rubbish, which would reflect badly on all of us. I'm wasn't going to let their shoddy work drag me down no matter how angry they got!
     
    • Agree Agree x 1