Trying to help someone else in a meltdown- a bad idea?

[TempeFan]

Whether Aspie or NT, nothing escalates such a situation worse than telling the person in crisis to "calm down." Giving privacy seems to be the best you can do for the person who needs help. It's the confounded onlookers and the bullies who caused the meltdown by attacking the person with their hate and prejudice who really need help and education. They haven't got a clue about what is going on or how they are contributing as part of the problem. It's more important to promote understanding and advocate for fairness with those who don't yet understand the concept of kindness and rational behavior.

 

[Noelle]

Even though it was well-intentioned, probably the worst thing you could have said was that you've been where she is and have experienced the same anxiety and frustration with communication and emotions. Because you didn't know where she was or what the cause of her meltdown was. It isn't a good idea to assume that someone is experiencing what you've experienced, especially if that person is a stranger.

I probably should have provided a bit more context. I actually did know what triggered it when it happened. I saw it coming on for about an hour before she finally broke down. We share a class, and her growing stress and frustration were palpable to me. I didn't actually know I was capable of that kind of empathy.

Anyhow- I agree with the responses here, and now wish I had stayed out of it. Good intentions or not, it was none of my business, and I may have complicated things for both of us. It was just so difficult to watch someone else go through that and not try to offer them some kind of validation for having such an episode. I didn't say calm down though.

 

[Graphin]

I never had the experience of somebody remotely understanding trying to help me, so I don't know.
Feel like it's maybe possible with some people if done right.

 

[Streetwise]

Thanks all. I don't know if this woman has autism or not. It may have just been a panic or anxiety attack (not to trivialise this). I do feel I interfered. She's not a total stranger-- we have class together. I am wishing I had not done what I did. I have no idea how this will impact her moving forward, since we'll be seeing each other once a week at least for the next 14 weeks.

Appreciate the responses!

You are probably more qualified to help than a psychiatrist or psychologist all they probably know is theory.
Meltdowns and shutdowns sound like a panic attack to me !but much more intense ,it depends what phase they are in ,if it's fight they probably won't respond ,if they've gone into the catatonic phase it would be good to move them somewhere safe !!!as you don't necessarily make good decisions when you are panicking .

 

[Graphin]

How does the support situation change when it's not a stranger?

I really wish to be able to help somebody

 

[Ylva]

what markers does someone display that make you think they are also on the spectrum?

Lack of obsession with staring at my eyes is a dead giveaway. Also, monotone voice, drags out words, long awkward pauses that contrary to popular belief do not signal that the person is done talking – all a clue.

Indifference, and I mean pure indifference, to observance of social mores, be it mine or theirs.

How do you feel when you see them "acting out" or doing something that you just know will be frowned upon by the neurotypicals around them?

Meltdowns are loud, so unfortunately I am unable to feel anything but annoyance and/or aggression until my eardrums have stilled. After that, I can recognize that they were probably overloaded as well. I do not feel pity – if my books have taught me one thing it's that it's rude to pity people – but I do feel something akin to a wish that they will learn to handle it or prepare for it.

I don't even feel angry at kids who have rage meltdowns in stores. Express yourself, child. Embarass the sht out of your parent.
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As for interrupting the meltdown, it seems like a bad idea. I'd rather not have anyone infringe on my personal space when I'm already overloaded, let alone the rest of the time. I don't even want anyone looking at me – it feels like being touched, doesn't it? – and I imagine all meltdowns feel that way.

 

[Mattymatt]

Wanting to help someone through a meltdown is a really nice and thoughtful idea. I can only speak from personal experience that when I have a meltdown, I have to work through it on my own because I shut down completely for a while. In fact, I usually don't want anyone's help because I cannot put into words what I need help with so it ends up intensifying the meltdown. It's like a panic attack in that it's something that just has to pass. Once the feelings and sensations pass, I am usually so exhausted that I will sleep for 2-3 hours.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Hello again.

First, I'm wondering if anyone on this forum feels like you can recognise high-functioning AS and ASD in other adults, even if the person is a total stranger? If so, what markers does someone display that make you think they are also on the spectrum? How do you feel when you see them "acting out" or doing something that you just know will be frowned upon by the neurotypicals around them? Do you feel empathy? Frustration? Embarrassment? Anything?

Second, has anyone ever reached out to a person in the middle of a meltdown? I had this experience this week. A young woman was going through a pretty public meltdown, confounding the people who witnessed it and practically bringing me to tears. After sitting there for a few minutes trying to figure out whether or not I should attempt to get involved, I finally decided to try to speak to her.

I still don't know if this was the right thing to do. I just told her that I've been where she is and experience the same anxiety and frustration with communication and emotions, and that nobody else gets it. While my intentions were good, I worry that I might have made the situation worse in that moment. If it had been my meltdown, I might have been inclined to say: "piss off-- this is none of your business." Thankfully she didn't do this, but I still feel anxious over getting involved.

I'm not a counselor or psychologist. I'm new to the world of neurodiversity even though I've been on the spectrum my entire life. I have no idea how to behave in situations like this, but walking away and minding my own business during that incident felt very wrong to me. Thoughts? There probably is no exact answer to this...

I've never seen anyone in a meltdown, but I can guarantee that it is gonna be me one day.. I already know it will happen with my sensitive hearing.

 

[the_tortoise]

First, I'm wondering if anyone on this forum feels like you can recognise high-functioning AS and ASD in other adults, even if the person is a total stranger?

I don't think I can.

How do you feel when you see them "acting out" or doing something that you just know will be frowned upon by the neurotypicals around them? Do you feel empathy? Frustration? Embarrassment? Anything?

Empathy, concern, and sometimes a sense of calm...the calm is like an instinctive counterbalance.

I just told her that I've been where she is and experience the same anxiety and frustration with communication and emotions, and that nobody else gets it.

I think this is a wonderful response.

Any kind and calm response that is validating, supportive and non-confrontational is likely good.

The bad responses are the ones that involve shaming, insults, and attempts to discuss or stop the meltdown immediately (e.g. "Grow up", "Stop [meltdown behaviors]" "What is wrong with you?" "Why are you acting like this?" etc.). The aim should be to just keep everyone safe and ensure the person having the meltdown feels safe and supported.

 

[Mr Allen]

You ain't seen anything until you've seen me "on one", I start talking fluent Liverpudlian, and the air goes blue with bad words.

And then half an hour to an hour later, it's as if nothing happened, unless something else happens mid hissy fit to set me off again.