Hey people. It's been a long time since I started this thread, so I should have updated it a little sooner. I wasn't going to, but since there's been so many responses here lately, I guess I should tell to all fellow weirdos here what I did with my obsession, and how did I avoid entering in depression. I'm warning though, this is going to be quite the wordy post.
Some weeks, well, at least a month after starting this thread, I went to a psychologist to talk about this problem. I told her about how I always tried to enter in a serious relationship with a girl, no matter who the girl was as long as she was friendly to me, and always being rejected, or never telling my feelings. And this incessant search for love wasn't something recent for me. It was a serious, almost fundamental problem I've been having since primary school, that never left me no matter what. No matter where I studied, I would always find a nice, pretty girl who would be friendly with me and I would obsess about her until something bad happened, which was usually her rejecting me or sometimes bullying me. And then another nice, pretty girl would be friendly with me and the whole thing would start again. When I made this post here, I was beyond rock bottom.
I told her everything about my futile attempts to get a girlfriend. I said I never wanted nor tried picking up girls, or looking for some non-serious, just physical relationship (which in my country is called ficar,or "to stay"), because I was (and still am) one of those stupid "romantic" guys. I told her that I would only fall in love with a girl after getting to know her well and starting a strong friendship with her, and that I thought that was my problem, because of that whole yadda-yadda "friendzone" imbecility I hate to hear about. I said that I was always falling in love with every interesting female of my age I knew because I was sure that if I did that, I would eventually discover that at least one of them loved me back. And that now, I was constantly feeling bad about that because I couldn't stop thinking about it, I couldn't stop searching desperately for someone that loved me in a romantic way, someone that could make my miserable, pointless pathetic life worth living, and I felt like a horrible person that didn't deserve to live because every girl I knew was constantly saying about what a wonderful, incredible person I was, yet not even a single one of them wanted to go on a date with me, with the sole exception of a girl I dreamed about one day and that I desperately tried to dream about again, and how I HATED, HATED MYSELF IMMENSELY FOR FEELING AND DOING ALL THOSE STUPID THINGS, BUT BEING INABLE TO STOP DOING AND FEELING THEM AND JUST REPEATING THE WHOLE PROCESS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND UUURRRGH sorry, I got a little excited. I didn't told her about all this, but that's exactly how I was feeling. No hyperbole.
Anyway, after telling her all of that stuff, she asked me if I ever tried to look for a girl that was broken, dysfunctional, and borderline insane yet bizarrely harmless (or in her words, "someone like me"), and I told her that I was already asked about that, but I never even got to find such a mystical creature in my whole life. And then she told me exactly what I needed to hear: first, that I didn't need to pick up girls, and that there was nothing wrong with developing friendships with them before deciding to fall in love was a great way to getting to know them, in contrary to the advice that everyone was giving me. Second, that I couldn't be happy or satisfied by settling down on a relationship with any girl, because I was a very picky, specifistic person. I had to find a person that would suit me the best, or at least well enough. And third, maybe the most important piece of advice I ever heard about romance, that HAVING A GIRLFRIEND WASN'T GOING TO MAGICALLY SOLVE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS OR EVEN MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY LIFE, MUCH TO THE CONTRARY! OH MY GOD WHY DID NOBODY EVER SAY THIS TO ME!!!
Then, she told me that I should try to think about what kind of girl I would like the most, and instead of worshipping that ideal dream, I should look for a girl that could fit at least closely to that description. And guess what, ladies and gentlemen! Do you think that I found this girl and she fell in love with me and we lived happily ever after together? Let me give you a tip: this is the real life, dammit! I never found this girl, until today. But you know what? I don't care anymore! Because with these wise words of advice, I finally had a good argument to shut up the annoying voice in my head that was contantly teasing me for not having a relationship. Every time I started to develop feelings for a girl, I examined her carefully to see if she was really my type, and if she wasn't, I'd just shrug the feelings off without remorse or doubt. And if I started to feel bad about my loneliness, I'd just remember myself that it was pointless to fall in love with a girl that wouldn't make me happy. I just had to wait until I found the right girl, and I know I'll find her eventually. And if I don't, who cares? I can still live a happy life. And with that way of thinking, I could finally achieve peace... sorta.
The truth was, my obsession with love was only one problem between the various that were getting in the way of my happiness. I just had the tools to start climbing the huge abyss of my problematic life, and I still had a long way to go. I'm still climbing it, but I know one day I will reach the top.