too many variables

[paloftoon]

I don't want to . .
1. taking an online course that I'm having a hard time keeping up with and doing a quality job on
2. help manage a property
3. be berated for doing my own interests such as ride sharing because if I "have the time to do this", I must have time to manage property.

I can't expect to do everything I like, or at least not 100%, but if my life is squeezed out of me, then it really doesn't feel like a life.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Is no 3 the worst?

 

[paloftoon]

Is no 3 the worst?

Probably, yes.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Probably, yes.

Well expanding and being more specific on three may help you plot a path towards..

Not giving a fig what they say. (Long journey!)

Also depends on who it is!

 

[the_tortoise]

Everybody needs time to do things that "recharge their batteries" -- things that are relaxing and/or enjoyable/meaningful to them, things that help them manage stress.

Most people, when they are deprived of any time for enjoyable/relaxing/meaningful things, they start to burn out and get sick mentally and physically. Stress-management is a necessary part of self-care.

It is reasonable for you to ensure that you make time for activities that you enjoy/experience as meaningful/satisfying.

 

[paloftoon]

Well expanding and being more specific on three may help you plot a path towards..

Not giving a fig what they say. (Long journey!)

Also depends on who it is!

It's a very close relative in the nuclear family, lol.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

It's a very close relative in the nuclear family, lol.

Oops, stumbled into a hopeless situation

Was thinking about that thing..

You know you can be in a crowded room and still be lonely..

I went no contact so it's a bit different.

What I did was write. (and more recently with another situation) down all the trigger points.
Then make a plan to react in a different way each time.
Not react as such but. - the lonely distant part, you're at the party but finding a way to stay gradually more objective.

I'm guessing murder is out right?

It can get easier but they will always get you - that's what they do!

Keeping a record helped me, as it gave me distance, and somewhere to put it
So I would forget but also so I wouldn't hold on to it either . I think about it over and over.


Hard work but worth it in the end.

Having a plan and revising the plan to not react as strongly. Even if it's a rubbish plan at the start,doesn't matter.

Doesn't eradicate the pain but perhaps makes it more tolerable over time.

Murders out though ,right?

Focusing on what you can control, I guess. Our reactions.

I do admire those who remain in contact.

As an older guy, perhaps I could have managed. At the time - it was the only way

 

[Thinx]

It's a dilemma when you are in a family business as it sounds you may be. As cutting off means finding work too? However I know some people who have done that and seem better for it. We only live once, as far as I know at present, so it may be worth making a realistic plan about this. If you get other work, then cutting off may not be necessary as you have independence.

 

[Gracey]

Block and defend (initially) your time.

Those who may be used to having you available and willing all of the time won’t stop expecting you to always be that way unless you change it.

If you have time to do ‘such and such’ you could work harder on someone else’s priority instead right?

Wrong.
Your priority is recharging in whatever way works for you. Block and defend that time. Don’t give it to anyone else, it’s yours.

 

[paloftoon]

Murder? Oh lord too funny.

It's not a business. It's me managing property, but all the funds go to me. I talked with my counselor about this. We determined that mistakes are just to be expected and just do not tell my relatives anything. Plus my relatives would have to drive 6 hrs+ one way to help me, and I only even considered that option because that relative offered. By me asking her like that, there are some potential control issues at hand.

I have a full time job and a part time ride sharing job on the side, and I was under duress to take an online course because "if I can ride share if I can enjoy anime or chess I must have time to manage this property." I was even shown that with what I make that it won't cover my lifestyle without managing the property. So, I just have to suck it up, but i can do this in as most independent a way as possible.

Just me handle it and ask people nearby if I have to.

Even though I didn't choose this life, it's not all bad. It's not optimal, but it's not bad. I just have to make the best of it.