This is me being allowed in the pool with my tracksuit on and I even explain why I want to swim with my tracksuit on.
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looks cool. Can I r3create it in my style?
Yes, please. Look at my art thread linked in my signature to see examples of my art style.OMG, I never thought anyone would dig my chicken scratch enough to ask. Sure thing! Do you have any samples of your style? Are you cool with me sending over a couple reference pics for the more smudged details?
I'm donating this computer. I did some research and I found it's one of the easier distros to transition to, which helps at a place like a shelter or a library where most people have likely never touched Linux in their lives. My own personal laptop has Ubuntu Studio on it, and I went with that because it came with a variety of different creative programs so I didn't have to spend a lot of time searching the web finding/building them all, especially since I was just starting out with Linux at the time.Mint is the only good distro I've personally come across. IM(limited)O, good choice!
Ahah yes, they are indeed comfy when layered over leggings. My body regulates temperature weird. Thigh-highs are dope. Although I didn't come up with the slang "programmer socks", before I was out I would joke "they're in for guys nowadays" (and to an extent they are!). Honest is all I can be, I resent every moment I spend where I have to entertain the persona of someone I'm not. Of course some days are more dysphoric than others, especially around my adam's apple and jawline. It's an adjustment for my loved ones too, I'm just fortunate to have more supportive family members than a lot of folks out there.Cool socks. I didn't even know you could get socks that high. Looks warm for winter.
And it sounds like you are feeling more honest and more capable of kindness in your real self/new self so that's also nice.
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Dear old me,
I'll be sorry until the day I die it didn't work out. Maybe I'll feel more sweet than bitter about all the time we had together someday.
I just got so sick of hiding, living this colossal lie that I'm OK. Over a quarter century in a body that rejected my very soul, over-compensating and just being nasty. You don't just wake up one morning and realize you're X trapped in Y body. To even reach that conclusion takes a lot of hard soul searching, revisionist self-history, depressive episodes, depersonalization, derealization, self-sabotage, dredging up old traumas (oh GOD wood shop...), and along the way I realized what I was turning into just was not meant to be. It was a hurculean façade. The man in the stranger might've been handsome or even hot at some points. But he was a stranger. A puppet. A hologram. A lie.
It doesn't have to be this way, especially for people courageous enough to break out of their shell when they were younger. As for yours truly I had this sickly sweet longing conviction to walk this path of metamorphosis since I was 5 actual years old. One of my first memories was walking around in the cellar on tippy toes in mommy dearest's smeared lipstick and her cheap pearls. It was not reacted to kindly then. So I hid. I shut out my goth girl guardian angel while she wailed on a street corner for me all that time.
So much has happened since I last posted here. But now at very least I am free of my rotten egg's shell. Sometimes when I'm alone I burst out into tears for a few minutes at how far I've come. The road ahead. A good cry! Something I could hardly ever do with all that testosterone in my system waterboarding my soul. I'd get a lump in my throat at most. I wouldn't dare probe my gender identity because I was miserable enough as-is, the last thing I needed was to have "egg on my face" about this also! But... it ended up explaining a lot! Namely why I often wore an XL hoodie growing up, or it tied around my waist.
Girl, why do you have to be so sentimental?
This is one of the fits I wear indoors just to play New Vegas! I wear my "programmer socks" because god knows modding that game is programming in and of itself.
I never cared about fashion, but realized recently it's a huge psychological buff to have have a cohesive look, and the goth look is eternal. I just hope I can add-on Finasteride or folic acid to my existing HRT regimen to speed up hair growth. Still hate my body hair, I'd get it all laser'd off at the roots except in select patches.
In a weird way, showing off is armor, something I'm no stranger to in the years I presented as masculine. But those who notice and pass along a positive vibe, not gawking bigotry, are cherished.
No more watching my body from above. No more hiding in the shadows. I shapeshift for the better.
"With clear perception, my destiny unfolds..." ~Bolt Thrower
ADDENDUM: Twofer, since I rambled your reading eye off and you made it this far.
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Do something kind for yourself today, and remember those who appreciate you.