I don't know where else to turn for the issues going on in my love life. I don't know that this is even the right place to share this.
2 years ago I started dating this fantastic guy, he was smart, driven, great to talk to, and we shared the same interests.
Over the last year and a half as we've gotten closer and more serious in our committed relationship I've started noticing things about him that I didn't see before.
He has always had a touch thing about him - he's very sensitive to any touching or heat. He frequently rejects any overtures I have of cuddling or holding his hand because it feels like fire, it hurts, or feels like sand paper.
At work he’s very focused, doesn’t like a lot of interruptions, he’s an engineer so everything is logical.
He seems to sincerely believe that everyone else is wrong and he’s always right. He’ll frequently come home and tell me how so and so is stupid and they did this when the logical thing would have been to do that.
In conversations he only offers exactly what was asked, he takes everything literally, says that’s just how his brain works.
He doesn’t do well with emotion – he likes the facts.
I used to like to ask questions, hypotheticals and situational questions to get us talking and start a good conversation but he refuses to answer because it’s not reality or he doesn’t like to pretend or use his imagination.
We used to go out and do things all the time now he just wants to stay home. He doesn’t see the need to go out with friends, or do anything outside of the house.
We have a lot of miscommunications these days, where I end up with my feelings hurt and go to bed upset.
After a miscommunication he shakes it off within an hour, I need more time to get over what has happened.
He used to be ok sitting on the couch with me but now he chooses his chair and will sit there and play games on his phone for hours. He doesn’t initiate conversation about me, he can sit in his chair for hours without talking to me if I don’t initiate conversation first. I have to really nag at him to get him to get up and sit next to me, even then it’s a huge undertaking because he doesn’t want to.
He has a rigidity about him that won’t bend to what others want/need.
I am a very affectionate person, I want to be with this guy for the forever type but I’m having a hard time with him never wanting to touch me. I do worry that he won’t show affection to any children we might have.
I’ve cut down most of the physical affection I need to a good morning kiss, a hug at some point (studies have shown a 30 second embrace can help in a relationship, raise the persons mood, reduce stress, repair feelings in a relationship after a fight.) and a good night kiss. There are days that I need a little more and he’s generally not willing to allow me the extra attention I need, most days he’s not even willing to give me the minimum I need.
I’ve kept my thoughts to myself on his behaviors, it seems that he’s got a touch of autism, he’s never been diagnosed but finally one night when I couldn’t handle another week of no contact I told him my suspicions. No one had ever suggested to him that he might have autism, he did ask if he should go get tested. I want to say yes because it might help us both in our relationship.
Do I bring this back up and talk to him about getting tested? Or do I leave things as is? I don’t know how to get past what I need to reach an understanding between us on what’s needed to keep us both happy. My thought is that if he gets tested and gets this thought I have confirmed or rejected then maybe we can get some type of counseling to work through the issues.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you work through it?
I love this guy, I want to be with him but I also can’t help what I need. Am I being unreasonable with the things I want? Simple touch sometimes? How can I best adjust my needs to suit his? (I've asked him all this before but he either doesn't answer or tells me he doesn't know.