Here's what I've deduced from my past experiences: that stuff in the women's magazines is creative fiction, written to sell magazines (or get website clicks). Experiences like that are *extremely* few and far between, and it doesn't always mean that he's a nice guy or that he cares about you as a person ... there's no correlation there, he could end up being a jerk or you might end up finding him annoying. It's a single moment when things turn out well, but it doesn't guarantee any future experiences or relationships. And you can't go looking for it, that just doesn't work.
Your home, your rules. Having an air mattress with a pillow and blanket is better than kicking him out the door, it's a reasonable compromise that should be respected. If he won't sit, then he needs to clean up after himself ... it's a matter of respect for you and your home. And the *best* thing about being an adult is that you *can* have chocolate for breakfast, or eat dessert first! Dude seems to have an extremely narrow definition of what's ok with him ... he can do that in *his* home, not yours, that way if he's so uptight you have the choice to leave. It's better to be single than be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. And the intense, deep, longing stares creep me out too. A guy at work kept doing that & flirting with me on my breaks, I guess he thought it would make me think he was really interested in me *as a person* ... but when he wanted to watch a movie with me and wouldn't even consider anything I wanted to see ... no thanks. "How about you go watch that at your house, and I'll watch what I want at my home? BYE!"
Washing powder as an excuse to come over late at night? Seriously, dude?? Just admit that all you wanted was a booty call and at least bring flowers too. Ugh. I hate it when people do something "for me" after I tell them not to, then get pissed that I don't appreciate it. Be honest & straightforward, and don't waste your gas after I've said no. Show some respect.
Stacey, you deserve someone who cares about you as a whole person. I don't want to pass judgment, but I'd have serious doubts about anyone who acts like that. I don't know if this was the case for you, but a huge red flag for me is if someone wants to go from first meeting immediately into romance ... I have to question their motives to protect myself from disappointment (learned from painful experiences).
I realize these tips won't help anyone get into a good relationship, but my hope is that it will help prevent being in a bad one. That way when the right person comes along you won't have to deal with kicking someone else out, that's messy.
I like to remember, sincerity is *really* hard to fake, and tenfold harder to maintain. Be the best you that you can be, and the right person will love you for it.
As always, this is just my $.02 -- and free advice is worth what you pay for it. Follow your gut, it will tell you something's wrong long before your brain figures out exactly what it is that's wrong. Hope this helps.
