• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

The Love & Dating thread.

DonRojo

Well-Known Member
We've talked about a few concerns and the latest one is about her controlling mother, whom from what she said, likes to chase off people who likes or adores her :/ I now realize that the reason she's on the internet and always talking to me is because of the stress she has to deal with in everyday life, and the new town that's freaking her out.

I'm worried about her mother mostly. She seems to be trying to introduce my girlfriend to some new guy because apparently I'm not good enough for her :( I also worry that she'll like some other guy and be too afraid to tell me ....

The friendly was because I know I know the feeling in-laws that want nothing of me :p. In my case I was lucky I guess, because was really head strong. (unlucky because it didn't work out). It seems a repeating pattern when I meet parents :(. But I felt a deep sympathy. Sadly enough I don't really know anyways I can give some suggestions that might work.
 

DonRojo

Well-Known Member
Now apparently she's ran away because she asked her mother a question and she didn't want to her to tell me where they live because she doesn't approve us dating. She told me that she ran away because apparently she cut off her internet or whatever and now she's on the road and I'm worried sick as well as stressed out ...

I can't get too mad because I once ran away when I though that conditions at my house was too unfair. She may end up doing what I did and return home afterwards. I contacted her friend and asked her to help my girlfriend out but I forgot she's barely on DA ... I'm trying not to panic and wonder how long before her mother calls to blame me for her running away, which I wouldn't blame her since she only wants me and no one else :( I'm trying to cope with this right now ...

Bad news, she most probably already has. Good news.nothing to lose. However the fact she ran away for or because of you is a positive sign she is as headstrong as my girl was.

The good news is if you can help her...generally help her, not conquer her heart even more....you score good points for everybody. The bad news is...you probably can't :(. Or at least I couldn't. But I went through a sort of similar situation, but dutch immigration laws stopped us. My guess is that I am older. That and we had both my family and her family against us. The only thing I can think of, but very risky....if you can ask a family member of her to to take care of her. The act of thinking in her well being....on her side...might make points for life. Even if temporary giving up contact to help her is maybe something that helps in the long run. As long as it is to help I suppose, and not to surrender her Mom. Sorry, I automatically am thinking from your side. Just having a roof and some money is......a great thing to make sure she is alright. But you probably don't know how to contact her. But if you know her name..maybe you can reach real life friends through a Facebook page or something. Yes I know you are technically not helping that much. But it is about showing your intention to everybody...especially family members of her. And the intention to show is that her well being is more important than your happiness. Always a chance that those family members might speak up in your favor in moments you are not present.
 

DonRojo

Well-Known Member
I have this guy that won't take no for an answer. Should I just settle? >_<; Wait, I have two guys that won't take no for an answer. This is what I get for being too nice. :cry:

Anyways, I wonder what I should do, should I go out with out of them. Knowing the fact his self-esteem isn't that great and he is way older than me. To remind y'all, I am 22 and he is like in his mid-thirties. His view points aren't really up to par on mine and... I rather find a comic book nerd that lives in their mom's basement. :S

Why are all the good men taken or don't have an interest in me. :(

Edit: Is there a chance that if I meet one of the members here, would it work out? Hm... from what I can tell I think by date number three, we would dump each other. :S

I followed the quote :p. There a good reason to settle, because you can divorce much later in life either way. But you can't turn back time. But....you just 22 on some way. And his systems keep working for much longer. So you can see how long not taking no last :p. After all, settle is going to be for a bit as well. Not taking no for an answer is more like a romantic act...to show how much you mean to him.

However I sense that he might not even be.....good enough. Because yes perfect is an almost impossible dream. You want perfect......this how I did it....I met good enough.....defined her as perfect...and bingo..I got perfect. Didn't work out though....but we are closely connected for live. And somehow that seemed even better than it could have gone. I never really looked at it through they eyes of a woman. But I know there are two major reasons, that you should both be aware of when thinking about it. There are men who are great nest builders, but tend to be less attractive. And there are man who are very attractive, but shitty nest builders. Both in one is rare, and usually means both not being perfect. I did realize when I of pre-arranged marriages is that attractiveness can come, after you decided to go for it. On the other hand, I don't wouldn't want somebody I fundamentally don't consider it worthy. And you have more time as I said....tends to really become a problem only around your forties :p.

About why all the good men taken or don't have an interested in me. ...this is what I learned from a lot of men. There are a lot of men interested...but you don't consider them good because you don't consider them attractive. And the ones that you do consider attractive where probably also attractive to others. But there must be a **** load of comic books nerds that live their mom's basements still single. :p. Therefore, I don't think I would really worry about never finding somebody if I was you. You taste is so different from most woman........there should be plenty fish where you are fishing. And in that case, my fundamental emotions say you have more time. My bet is that if you go on active search with the use of internet......you should find so many candidates in no time.....you are the one doing the choosing. But I have never been a woman...so I don't know that well (less experience :p). But I know somebody that was in a similar situation that ended up fine. But she never realized I was really really fond of her.....and she thought I was not interested, but that wasn't actually true. I just felt we screwed up the first important moments. I am very confident the perfect guy is right out there. Maybe even right under you nose without realizing. But the fish you are going for aren't that persistent :p. Unless I expect with the other two, they can show there true emotions. Nah, you can do the choosing in your position. Grin, I bet you make a basement guy's live if you are the one that doesn't seem to take no for a change :p.
 

Kay Peterson

Katiebug
The Love & Dating Thread.

Have you got a girlfriend, your a happy married couple or need any love advices?

Well, the purpose of this thread is to tell your experience about love life and share experiences with each other and hopefully learn from each other and hopefully gain some confidence too.

Happy posting. :D


My husband is an aspie we do great if he can get me to talk to him. I have a problem talk out my feelings. So my advise to a good relationship is always talk about your feelings. Good luck
 

CDOCONNOR

Let us swell the peace with warmth
I don't understand 'dating' at all. I'm bad at it. I have no idea what to say or do. I'm just myself and that sends guys running into the arms of other women. My relationships don't last long. I haven't ever felt 'chemistry' with a guy. Maybe I'm a lesbian. I've kissed a girl but never felt a connection either.
My Dr asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend, I felt like a complete loser because I haven't got one! It fustrates me sometimes. I get asked this stupid question frequently, especially from taxi drivers. It really offends me...may as well get 'loser' printed across my forehead. I would never ask a guy such an offensive question.
Stacy, I completely understand and can sympathize with your dating trouble. I'm not great in the dating area either. I've had many girlfriends and they've all turned out to be bossy and rude-taking complete advantage of my kindness. Yet, they respect men who force them into sex or treat them poorly. It hurts, that I agree with. You aren't doing anything wrong. The world needs more sincere love and kindness, ya know? There is a good guy out there for you. You just have to keep on trying and never give up, as cheesy as that may sound. I tell myself that all the time. Me-I know I'm a great guy with a lot to offer. I'm never giving up because, although people sometimes use love as a weapon, in the end it is one of the greatest things on this earth!!! :)

-Chaz
 

Eddie Gillenardo

New Member
I've had too many girls judge me based on my appearance. I feel like I'm getting nowhere in this area. Then, if she does like the way I look, I'm afraid that my issues would scare her off and that she wouldn't talk to me anymore. Why does dating have to be so hard and complicated? I understand that physical attraction is a part of a relationship, but it is not the driving force of a relationship. It makes me so angry and upset when I continually get rejected by girls because I don't look the way they want me to look.
 

AspieOtaku

Leader of the otaku legion!
I wish I had a GF who isn't abusive and controlling! I hope to get one some day who is kind and understanding and wont judge me.
 

Warmheart

Something nerdy this way comes
V.I.P Member
Can nerdy be sexy? :D

12821462_1014248845315677_6997838307734814013_n.jpg
 

Allen H

New Member
I wish I had a GF who isn't abusive and controlling! I hope to get one some day who is kind and understanding and wont judge me.

I'm an older Aspie who didn't know anything about Asperger's when I was younger - nobody was diagnosing it then. I had the usual symptoms - leading to my being inept in social situations. In particular, I didn't have a clue about how to relate to women, so dates were few and far between. I graduated from college and was in the U.S. military service, still never having had a real "girl friend", though I dated a couple of high school girls for a while. I was just uncomfortable with women - didn't know how to talk to them and was easily intimidated because women around my age were so much more emotionally mature than I was. They could pick up on the cues from facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, etc. that I was utterly oblivious to. However, I realized that I was much more comfortable talking to teenage girls as they didn't intimidate me. So I continued to seek relationships with such younger girls. Even they were more emotionally mature than I was, but the gap wasn't as great, and sometimes younger girls are flattered by attention from older guys, so I had a better chance of developing real friendships with much younger girls and continued to go in that direction. When I was in my late 30's I met a girl who had just turned 14 and who became my best friend. She had a big influence on me, and I learned a lot about how ladies look at the world from her. She would "pick" on me about how I dressed, talked, walked, my mannerisms, etc. but always in a nice way (she didn't have a mean bone in her body) and I learned a lot from her. At long last when I was 50 I found a much younger lady in an Asian country and married her and brought her back to the US with me. I'm not saying that the road I traveled is right for a majority of Aspie men, but it isn't that rare a situation either, at least according to my psychologist, since Aspie guys are so easily flummoxed and intimidated by more socially and emotionally mature female contemporaries. Even in my own family it is a case of "like father like son" as my father was an Aspie and a high school teacher and my mother, who he married shortly after she graduated, was his (best) student. Anyway, it is something to think about.
 

robertsomerville

Well-Known Member
I don't know what the Hell is wrong with me, am I in love?

Before I explain, I think it's important to note that I believe that I'm asexual and have never had any romantic feelings toward a person before so I guess I'm "wet behind the ears".

I met this girl at the beginning of the year and from the moment I met her, I knew that she would be a great friend for me (which is extremely rare) so we started a friendship and would talk to each other until early mornings of the next day.

After about 3 months of this, I started noticing that I feel very different towards her than I do with other people, even my other friends as I would let her touch me and hug me (I never do that), I would prefer for us to have our conversations alone so that I could have her to myself, when I'm not with her, I would think of her and when I would next see her and she is the person I can relate to most that I have ever met. I had no idea as to whether this was a romantic affinity toward her and if the feeling was mutual (but I thought she hinted a bit, said she wasn't repulsed by the idea of us dating) and I had no idea what it would mean if that was the case so I acted on an impulse and did what people usually do in films at that stage: I asked her out.

She said that she would think about it and went on to ignore me for almost a week (a week of insanity by the way), then told me that she really likes me but not in that way. This was a crushing blow for me but i got over it after a week or so. We were still great friends, but visited each other less and less often (exams and all that) then after 3 weeks, I asked her why she said no so that I could maybe work on some kinks I may have and she said the problem was that she just doesn't feel the same way about me. I guess that whole time, I couldn't accept that she just didn't feel the same way and thought that I was the problem so when I heard this, I just burst into tears when I got home and just stayed at home crying for days.

It's been 2 weeks now, I haven't spoken to her or any of my other friends, barely spoken to any family really. I am a very rational person and so I know now that I stand no chance of being in a relationship with her, yet I still think about her that way; everyday I think about her and being with her and I feel like this emptiness in my chest every night before I cry myself to sleep. Am I in love or am I just being delusional? I also think it's noteworthy that I tend to go into bouts of depression around this time of year.

relationships are a waste of time..friendship is more important than love

I don't think you're asexual actually
 

NotStrangeJustDifferent

Well-Known Member
I'm in a relationship with someone who has paranoid schizophrenia and my AS traits have gone crazy since I've been with her for so many years. She wasn't bad when I first met her, but her schizophrenia has gradually become worse. Actually, someone offered her some apple juice that I'm positive was spiked with a hallucinogenic substance, because her eyes became glazed over and she started having bad hallucinations after she drank it. I helped her through that episode, but I think it triggered her schizophrenia because she started having hallucinations so bad, after that, that she ended up running away and getting herself picked up by the police and locked in a mental hospital. I've helped her a lot towards getting back to her old self, through the use of vitamins and omega-3, but once in a while she'll have a relapse, and then it's a very difficult situation for someone with AS to deal with. At least she doesn't ever ramble on saying truly scary and strange things anymore, like she used to do.

The worse part is that she can be in the middle of having a normal conversation when she'll all of a sudden start screaming at the top of her lungs. It freaks me out so bad. She's actually started screaming in the middle of the night when I've been sound asleep. I've almost had a heart attack whenever she's done that... seriously. She seems to be doing really good right now, for which I'm extremely grateful. We're still together because we have so much fun together, plus I honestly care about her, and it's also very difficult for me to find someone when I can't even start up a conversation with someone, and, even if I do get a conversation started, I can't keep it going past the introduction (lol).

Trust me when I say that it's possible for someone with AS, and someone with paranoid schizophrenia, to be together, but it can also be an extremely challenging relationship. Thank you for allowing me to ramble on like this, I needed it. :)
 

Catlover614

Love Conquers
I'm still looking for my true love. I want to fall in love with my best friend who becomes my husband and partner in life, through thick and thin. I want that 1st kiss to wow me.
 

Maelstrom

Magical Pattern Auspie
Sigh! lots of interest....few able, or willing to bridge the gap on life issues. I don't know love doesn't seem to be enough....I feel like it is more job interview than a, I wish to love you thing.:rolleyes:

like dating on the Apprentice
not enough money... your fired!
Like the wrong food...your fired!
don't want to live with my crazy family...your fired!
my cat doesn't like you....fired!
my dog doesn't like you....fired
mother doesn't like you ...fired!
my goldfish doesn't like the way you feed it.... your fired!

Love is in the air:rose:....Eeeeeek! stomp! stab! bang! bang! bang!
Ahem! Love:rose: is in the Ambulance on ivees headed for the Emergency ward.

Be careful what you wish for you may get loneliness as a freebie with it...:eek:
 
Last edited:

Jorg

Well-Known Member
Hello, I have a question and need advices.

I'm going to tell you the story, there's this girl I like for several years now, I think since 2008, we where in high school but I always was too shy and well, she had a boy friend back then. Even after several years she still was my crush but when we graduated from high school she found a boyfriend at college and it wasn't until I guess January she broke with him.

Anyway, I started talking with her, we have been friends on fb and sometimes text each other. Well, around june I invited her for a coffee, she accepted and we went out, that day her sister joined us at the place, we talked and everything, I guess it was fine. At the end they were going to look for a bus to go to her appartment (my crush's) and well I told them I could drive them there, so I drove to where she lives. She invited me to go inside and I accepted, we talked for a cuople of hours, and helped her with a broken water tube from her washing machine (it started to flood the place and I lifted the machine while she cleaned.

After that we usually texted somedays and after a while I invited her to another activity, well, that day she had another event in her appt but she invited me to go, their cousins and sister we're goint to be there. I went but for precaution I left my house early (there was a huge national event and probably the roads would be flooded with cars and people) and when I arrived it was too soon, I called her because I got lost and she hadn't even arrived to her house, I was so embarrassed but after some minutes she arrived. And well, while we waited for the others to arrive we talked and watched tv, 2h later the other people came.

Well, they drank, I couldn't because I was driving but anyway, we played an "liquor" twist of Jenga and it was fun, at 1am I said goodbye and left, I had to drive a long way to my house.

We remain texting but the problem was (and still is) I aways texted her first, she didn't send me any message. After a while, (maybe in august) my aspie side betrayed me and I told her what I felt by whatsapp, maybe I was not the correct way of doing it but I did it anyway. She thanked me but told me she just sees me as a friend and was in a complicated period of time, etc.

After and with my hearth broken, I waited some days, like 2 weeks after, to send her a text, we talked normally, but I knew the things did changed.

My texts to her have been decreased a lot, I used to text her almost everyday, just to said good day or good night, maybe a funny video or picture, now I text her maybe once a week, I don't know how to talk to her. In general I don't text my friends, I just don't know how to keep a friendship so it is hard for me.

In the past I lost very important people for not talking to them. This year a girl I used to like too just cut me for her life because I probably hurted her after don't texted her for months after we kissed, back then I just didn't how to proceed, she was my forst kiss and I f***ed up, and well I probably was too intense with her. Now, after I learned those really hard lessons I'm affraid of loosing another friend, this girl, a part of me wants to fight for her, I realized that telñl her my feelings on such short period was a mistake and we needed time to know each other, another part of me just want to vanish from her life like I always do with people because I don't want to loose her as a friend, even if we don't talk.

I've been thinking of invite her to go out but I don't know if it is apropiate/correct.

What do you think?

PS: Sorry for my english, it is not my native language.
 

Maelstrom

Magical Pattern Auspie
I wish Dating wasn't so hard I really do try....something always seems to show up to ruin things.
Crazy family?
Unrealistic expectations.
Different values or goals.
Something always seems to get in the way.:(
 

Maria6681

Morning
I have been seeing this guy I really like him at first we was friend with benefits but after a very long time we became boyfriend and girlfriend but did not last long as he could not handle the fact there was not much conversation on my part and to be fair I don't have much of a personality so he finished but wants to stay friends with benefits. He knows how I feel about him I know he uses me but I can't say no. But wish I could. As I know it never going to change. But what it has shown me people like me do not have much of a chance in finding someone who can deal with someone like me. So is it better to say well this is all your going to get so take it. Or say no I don't want to be used in that way and completely end it and probably never find anyone
 

midlife aspie

Well-Known Member
I have been seeing this guy I really like him at first we was friend with benefits but after a very long time we became boyfriend and girlfriend but did not last long as he could not handle the fact there was not much conversation on my part and to be fair I don't have much of a personality so he finished but wants to stay friends with benefits. He knows how I feel about him I know he uses me but I can't say no. But wish I could. As I know it never going to change. But what it has shown me people like me do not have much of a chance in finding someone who can deal with someone like me. So is it better to say well this is all your going to get so take it. Or say no I don't want to be used in that way and completely end it and probably never find anyone
Think about this carefully. If all you wanted was sex, this would be good. You clearly want & need more. Sooner or later someone else might look your way, but if that happens do you think they would look favorably upon this arrangement if it is still going on? The sooner you separate yourself from this, the sooner you can present yourself honestly and completely to someone new.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom