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The Love & Dating thread.

If those quirks are things to get someone to leave you already... :rolleyes:

It's where I start to wonder how tolerant some people are about someones peculiarities and thus understand the implications of being in a relationship. Though I will say, that, as much as I'm a laid back person in dealing with someones quirks, I'm clearly not one who will change habits or lifestyle to accommodate my partner. But that might be a really invasive thing to expect.

But seriously, if eating a bar of chocolate for breakfast is already an issue...
 
He thought I was childish basically. Adults don't eat chocolate for breakfast. Adults consider moving in together not blow up an inflatable bed for the other to sleep on...blah blah blah.
One time I ran out of washing powder, he text me asking 'how I was' *eye roll*, I replied "I've run out of washing powder". So he got in his car and drove to my flat with a box of powder. I told him not to because it was a 45 minute drive and it was after 10pm. I could wait until the morning. So anyway he turns up, I say thank you and go to close the door. Then he gets offended and asks for a cup of tea for his trouble. I made him one then told him I was tired...he seemed angry that I told him to go home. It was his choice to drive over! O_o
There were other things too. That's just an example.
 
I don't understand 'dating' at all. I'm bad at it. I have no idea what to say or do. I'm just myself and that sends guys running into the arms of other women. My relationships don't last long. I haven't ever felt 'chemistry' with a guy. Maybe I'm a lesbian. I've kissed a girl but never felt a connection either.
My Dr asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend, I felt like a complete loser because I haven't got one! It fustrates me sometimes. I get asked this stupid question frequently, especially from taxi drivers. It really offends me...may as well get 'loser' printed across my forehead. I would never ask a guy such an offensive question.
Dearest Stacey,
You should NOT identify being in a relationship as a sign of success, or not being in one as a deficit. A woman should not need a man period. If you happen to be in a good relationship, that is fine. But it is also fine to be single. Relationships do not make people, people make relationships. You MUST be OK just being yourself, and I am sure that you are.
As far as guys asking you about a boyfriend, if they ask, it is because they find you attractive. Trust me on this, I'm a guy and I know.
If you want a relationship, remember this; Do not let a guy choose you. If you want a relationship, you must choose the man you want, otherwise it will probably end poorly. You are beautiful and smart and I'm sure that you have much to offer to the right guy. Be patient, and wait for the guy of your choice. When you find him, don't be afraid to ask. Better to try and not get it, than to not try at all. If it does not happen, it was not meant to be.
Love yourself my dear, or no one else will love you. We love you and that's a good start.
 
Oh wow. That is the sweetest message I've ever been sent in my life. Thank you so much Peace. I have a smile from here to the milky way. :)
I guess I'm just worried I'll always be on my own.

I realise this is a rather short reply. It's just I can't find my words right now.
 
Here's what I've deduced from my past experiences: that stuff in the women's magazines is creative fiction, written to sell magazines (or get website clicks). Experiences like that are *extremely* few and far between, and it doesn't always mean that he's a nice guy or that he cares about you as a person ... there's no correlation there, he could end up being a jerk or you might end up finding him annoying. It's a single moment when things turn out well, but it doesn't guarantee any future experiences or relationships. And you can't go looking for it, that just doesn't work.

Your home, your rules. Having an air mattress with a pillow and blanket is better than kicking him out the door, it's a reasonable compromise that should be respected. If he won't sit, then he needs to clean up after himself ... it's a matter of respect for you and your home. And the *best* thing about being an adult is that you *can* have chocolate for breakfast, or eat dessert first! Dude seems to have an extremely narrow definition of what's ok with him ... he can do that in *his* home, not yours, that way if he's so uptight you have the choice to leave. It's better to be single than be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. And the intense, deep, longing stares creep me out too. A guy at work kept doing that & flirting with me on my breaks, I guess he thought it would make me think he was really interested in me *as a person* ... but when he wanted to watch a movie with me and wouldn't even consider anything I wanted to see ... no thanks. "How about you go watch that at your house, and I'll watch what I want at my home? BYE!"

Washing powder as an excuse to come over late at night? Seriously, dude?? Just admit that all you wanted was a booty call and at least bring flowers too. Ugh. I hate it when people do something "for me" after I tell them not to, then get pissed that I don't appreciate it. Be honest & straightforward, and don't waste your gas after I've said no. Show some respect.

Stacey, you deserve someone who cares about you as a whole person. I don't want to pass judgment, but I'd have serious doubts about anyone who acts like that. I don't know if this was the case for you, but a huge red flag for me is if someone wants to go from first meeting immediately into romance ... I have to question their motives to protect myself from disappointment (learned from painful experiences).

I realize these tips won't help anyone get into a good relationship, but my hope is that it will help prevent being in a bad one. That way when the right person comes along you won't have to deal with kicking someone else out, that's messy.

I like to remember, sincerity is *really* hard to fake, and tenfold harder to maintain. Be the best you that you can be, and the right person will love you for it.

As always, this is just my $.02 -- and free advice is worth what you pay for it. Follow your gut, it will tell you something's wrong long before your brain figures out exactly what it is that's wrong. Hope this helps.
 
He thought I was childish basically. Adults don't eat chocolate for breakfast. Adults consider moving in together not blow up an inflatable bed for the other to sleep on...blah blah blah.
One time I ran out of washing powder, he text me asking 'how I was' *eye roll*, I replied "I've run out of washing powder". So he got in his car and drove to my flat with a box of powder. I told him not to because it was a 45 minute drive and it was after 10pm. I could wait until the morning. So anyway he turns up, I say thank you and go to close the door. Then he gets offended and asks for a cup of tea for his trouble. I made him one then told him I was tired...he seemed angry that I told him to go home. It was his choice to drive over! o_O
There were other things too. That's just an example.

You're just meeting the wrong guys. Yesterday I had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. (freshly baked from the night before)

Any critics? :p
 
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I just re-read my first paragraph, and it reminded me of the standard disclaimer when making a stock purchase: Past performance is no guarantee of future results.

I guess that sums it up!
 
Thanks for the link Judge. It gave me plenty of thought for consideration. I don't think I'm asexual as such, because I do have the 'urge' from time to time.

I might say something similar myself. But what intrigues me about that asexual thread was Vanilla's comment on "demisexuals". Maybe I fit under that category. Where I certainly have the urge as you put it, but the social ritual of dating simply repels me.

Simply put, I don't date. That said it doesn't really detract from my heterosexual sexual identity, but it does make it more complicated.
 
I eat my dessert 1st too KassieMac! :)
Thank you for your in-depth reply. I'll take all of that advice on board. You're right! Tinkling on my toilet seat shows a lack of respect. No man will ever tinkle on my toilet seat again. Oh I feel empowered.
 
I eat my dessert 1st too KassieMac! :)
Thank you for your in-depth reply. I'll take all of that advice on board. You're right! Tinkling on my toilet seat shows a lack of respect. No man will ever tinkle on my toilet seat again. Oh I feel empowered.

You are very welcome, Stacey! People usually say that I'm too negative, but I have plenty of experience in bad relationships. I'm glad to help, any time you want to chat I'm here.

(Thinking about baking brownies now, with chocolate chips. Yum! )
 
I might say something similar myself. But what intrigues me about that asexual thread was Vanilla's comment on "demisexuals". Maybe I fit under that category. Where I certainly have the urge as you put it, but the social ritual of dating simply repels me.

Simply put, I don't date. That said it doesn't really detract from my heterosexual sexual identity, but it does make it more complicated.

Hi Judge,

Now you've got me thinking. How much does dating actually have to do with sexuality? It's more closely related to other social interactions, with a complex set of unwritten rules that I can't remember because they don't make any sense to me. The expected rituals & behaviors are defined by the majority of people in society, which puts us at a disadvantage out of the gate. Right now I've decided not to date, but that's a subset of my larger decision not to socialize at all because I don't know anyone locally that gets how we are. That might change in the future, if I find a group of people like us to hang out with. I'm not promoting random, anonymous meaningless sex … but the possibility of a future sexual relationship that's based in mutual caring, understanding, & respect, preferably starting from friendship. But the socially expected rituals of courtship … no thanks. I've tried it, it's just not me.

Just my 2¢,
KassieMac
 
Hi Judge,

Now you've got me thinking. How much does dating actually have to do with sexuality? It's more closely related to other social interactions, with a complex set of unwritten rules that I can't remember because they don't make any sense to me. The expected rituals & behaviors are defined by the majority of people in society, which puts us at a disadvantage out of the gate. Right now I've decided not to date, but that's a subset of my larger decision not to socialize at all because I don't know anyone locally that gets how we are. That might change in the future, if I find a group of people like us to hang out with. I'm not promoting random, anonymous meaningless sex … but the possibility of a future sexual relationship that's based in mutual caring, understanding, & respect, preferably starting from friendship. But the socially expected rituals of courtship … no thanks. I've tried it, it's just not me.

Just my 2¢,
KassieMac

Good point, Kassie. I don't think dating/courtship is anything beyond a social ritual dictated by unrelated parties. Most people conform to it simply because they think they're expected to.

I just can't. I have to get to know someone at my own pace. Not according to some unwritten social convention. Otherwise I simply fail in such socially contrived circumstances.
 
Good point, Kassie. I don't think dating/courtship is anything beyond a social ritual dictated by unrelated parties. Most people conform to it simply because they think they're expected to.

I just can't. I have to get to know someone at my own pace. Not according to some unwritten social convention. Otherwise I simply fail in such socially contrived circumstances.

Exactly! I guess it evolved in the times when it wasn't acceptable to socialize casually with the opposite gender, as the only way to get to know each other … but I find it contrived & superficial and I'm just not comfortable with that. And I no longer care what's expected of me. (And get off my lawn! I know, I sound like a grumpy old fart sometimes. I don't care about that either!)
 
I want people to see me at my best as a friend. Not my worst as someone's date.

Small wonder half of all marriages fail. People simply hook up through conventional courtship and don't really know each other.
 
I'd be foolish to believe that a perfect relationship without problems exists :/ One of my main ones with this long distance relationship is the allowed time I have to chat with my girlfriend online. She's nineteen and is a senior at school and I feel like I'm taking time away from her and dunno if she doesn't want to say that I'm smothering her and that she doesn't have any time to do her own thing.

She's like me and she lives on the internet and I worry that if I leave her alone for a few hours that it would upset her and make her depressed or angry. I dunno how to talk to her about this.

The other problem is that my lack of money to do anything as well as looking for someone to take me to Canada on the East coast where she lives. I effing hate this and feel like a little worthless prick because I don't have the money nor transportation to reach her. Should I just pack up and run away from home and hope to see her one day ? Or do I continue disappointing her and wonder if I should just wait for her to say that she has had enough of me and being a disappointing boyfriend who's a complete loser.

The only vehicle we have is used by my Dad's girlfriend and she needs it for work. Should I look for work and save up money and disappoint her by telling her that we could meet up maybe in the fall instead of the Summer ?

I worried that she might run away from home to come and see me and I wish her mother would be a nice and supportive mother instead of a total b**** of one :/

Only time will tell. .... ... I've been with her for almost eight months, which is my longest relationship ever. I know she's the one and only one. She isn't my true love because of all that novel fairy-tale BS, she's my true love because there will never ever be another girl like her.

I'll be the one who ends up begging her to come back because I love her too much. Do I worry too much or am I doing little for her ? :(
 
She's also kind of rare as I rarely dated girls just a few years younger than me :/ It was usually grown women or older students who showed interests in me, I think my therapist was the only one who really did anything inappropriate.

I remember her french kissing me after examining my eyes in a lone classroom after school one day. She blamed the fact my eyes were pretty, just the other grown women who had shown *sexual* interests in me ....
 
I'll be the one who ends up begging her to come back because I love her too much. Do I worry too much or am I doing little for her ? :(

All I can say is this: countless relationship problems have been caused by lack of communication, but I've never seen problems caused by good communication. Have you talked to her about your concerns?
 

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