The Average Man

[Mr. Stevens]

I’m not sure if I truly believe the 10%-15% subset is real, at least outside of Tinder. It certainly is NOT accurate for Hinge. It is a sweeping fictional generalization that 10-15% get all the likes/matches. I am highly skeptical to believe such data when shared by folks not actually using the apps.

Great post. In my experience, the statistic is never mentioned alongside how many women end up dating the same guy, without knowing. Not to mention any statistics on sexual assault or other abusive behavior. It's just a straight, "Women aren't giving men enough sex," argument. I would guess resentfulness and entitlement are keeping a lot of these guys single, not some sexual hierarchy. Not to mention women are not some thing, but many different people. If your attitude is toward women and you keep trying to understand them as a whole, you will probably be single.

 

[mw2530]

Great post. In my experience, the statistic is never mentioned alongside how many women end up dating the same guy, without knowing. Not to mention any statistics on sexual assault or other abusive behavior. It's just a straight, "Women aren't giving men enough sex," argument. I would guess resentfulness and entitlement are keeping a lot of these guys single, not some sexual hierarchy. Not to mention women are not some thing, but many different people. If your attitude is toward women and you keep trying to understand them as a whole, you will probably be single.

Maybe, maybe not. It seems to me that boiling it down to single autistic men's attitude towards women is such an oversimplification at the expense of ignoring so many other contributing factors. Some of these factors have been already mentioned in this thread. One of the big ones is that many of us grew up not aware that we are on the spectrum so we spend all of our energy just trying to get by and survive as best we can all while not understanding why everything seems so difficult for us compared to peers. As a result, many of us don't even try to pursue women while we are younger. Romantic relationships become secondary when we can barely even make a real friend and almost always feel like an outsider. By the time we do figure some things out, we are often well into our adult lives as is everyone else except we never got to experience relationships when we were younger and the lessons that come with them. Most people are also paired up by then and many have started families. As an adult, we are not surrounded by our peers everyday like we would have been during high school or college or tech school or in even in the military. Once working full time, there is limited time and energy to go and do try new things or join groups to meet new people. I'm just speaking from from my experience, but I imagine many other autistic men have had the experience. Many of these challenges may also be experienced by autistic women, but I don't know.

I'd also like to add that people on the spectrum including single men on the spectrum are also not all the same, but these groups often get lumped together rather than taking a closer look at them as individuals with diverse experiences and circumstances.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Maybe, maybe not. It seems to me that boiling it down to single autistic men's attitude towards women is such an oversimplification at the expense of ignoring so many other contributing factors.

I was thinking of men in general who have this attitude, not just Autistic men.

As a result, many of us don't even try to pursue women while we are younger.

This is a choice, whether the reasons are good or bad. If you don't pursue experience, you can't complain about not having it. Even if we don't know we're Autistic, we can know ourselves, and know that no one is going to date for us. If we expect others to live for us, what kind of lives can we expect? Figuring out your way is life. Focusing on complaint means giving up your life.

Many of these challenges may also be experienced by autistic women, but I don't know.

There are many interesting women here who talk about their lives, share their art, show their intellect, and offer support. If I were a single man, I could reach out to them and build a friendship, or go on about what the world owes me. Only one of those will build a real connection.

 

[mw2530]

This is a choice, whether the reasons are good or bad. If you don't pursue experience, you can't complain about not having it. Even if we don't know we're Autistic, we can know ourselves, and know that no one is going to date for us. If we expect others to live for us, what kind of lives can we expect? Figuring out your way is life. Focusing on complaint means giving up your life.

I think you missed the point I was making. Many of us struggle so much when we are young due to the lack of support and confusion over why things are so difficult. When simple things are so difficult, there is no energy left to pursue a relationship. Maybe it was an exaggeration to say that we don't pursue a relationship when we are young, but the point is that it is not on high on the priority list when it is difficult to obtain basic needs. It is not for lack of desire or effort. It is just that sometimes it may appear that there is a lack of effort due to other issues going on below the surface. There is a difference between complaining and explaining the real issues and challenges that come with trying to develop a relationship when being on the spectrum. There is a great deal of support on this website for a wide array of challenges, but when it comes to single autistic men, there tends to be a lot of blame the autistic men or it is all the autistic's man's fault. Rather than, oh, I recognize the challenges of dating and yes that is a difficult situation to be in as you grow older with there being less opportunities to find a mate. Instead it is, well you should have done things different when you were younger so it is all your fault and stop complaining.