Talking too much but saying too little?

[Dr. Smart]

I've seen some people with ASD state that they tend to shy away from conversations or social situations and only talk when necessary.

I however never shut up! Okay I am not incapable of keeping quiet or wraping up my point, but its difficult once I've started talking to get my point across without wrapping around the conversation into a pretzel.

For me I want my point to get across even if what I'm talking about is trivial. But once i start explaning it, I realize that there's context missing and explain the context, and than if it seems like someone misunderstood even part of what I said I'll try to reword it and typically it just comes out like I'm repeating myself. Many times I'll lose the person I'm talking to and they'll wait for a pause and assume I'm finished talking when i havent technically even got to the point I was making.

Being misunderstood makes me anxious and that anxiety pushes me into needlesly complicating a discussion and than being misunderstood which makes me even more anxious... Especially when the topic is a disagreement and I've just made myself look like an idiot...

Anyone else have issues like this? Its probably one of the most infuriating things about myself, and its a real annnoyance for a lot of people I try to form interactions with.

 

[AO1501]

Oh yes, I do this, and it is absolutely frustrating to catch myself in the act of it!

The odd thing is that it happens in conversation or when I am talking to someone to make a point, yet in the days when I was a regular public speaker, I could get up and deliver a speech, unscripted, that was exactly and completely on point, without any rambling or diversions.

Yet put me in a room with someone to explain, or even in impromptu training.... ah well, might as well accept it is likely to be rather more tortuous than I planned!

It's not that I don't have a solid idea what I need to say, but then I get going and all of a sudden I am mapping all the side issues and related topics, and can't seem to avoid wandering off topic into the wilderness of the somewhat-connected.

 

[Nervous Rex]

This is my entire life. I used to constantly get told to “get to the point” by my coworker when I try to tell a story.

Now, I work hard to keep my comments short so I don’t have to hear that, or I just don’t say anything.

It doesn’t always work. Just yesterday, I started telling my wife a story of something I worked out, and halfway through, she went into a 5-minute story of something that related to the first part of mine. I had to wait patiently, then get back to what I wanted to finish with. I think it happens because I want to give so much background leading up to the “point” that people mistake the background for the “point”.

Often, I try to skip the background and just tell the point. Then, if people are interested, I can explain the background. They almost never ask for more explanation, so that seems to tell me that people aren’t interested in all the background details I want to share. In other words, I really should just get to the point.

 

[OlLiE]

i try to keep my communication linear and chronologically logical, that way minimum words, no repitition

i also try to talk about factual things, i'm not interested in how people 'experience' things

i recently told someone that if they spent less time worrying about how they feel about a problem, and just addressed the problem they'd be a much happier person, they were not amused, i was being 'inconsiderate'

i believe in efficiency, define it, sort it, move on - the rest is just emotional self indulgence or trying to escape responsibility

then again, today someone told me i was very very blunt

 

[Tom]

Quite common when Aspies are talking about special interests. If you seek actual conversation (not monologues, lectures) you have to learn to quit talking after a short period and see if the other(s) are engaged and have something to say and then let them say it. If they are silent, fidgety, looking away, etc, drop the subject immediately.

 

[Progster]

I'm a person who typically doesn't speak in conversations or social events - group conversations - but when I need to explain something, I tend to over-elaborate or over-explain. Or if something interests me, I tend to go on about it too much, or repeat myself a lot. I think it's because I want to be sure that the other person has understood what I'm saying.

Sometimes I talk too much out of nervousness.

 

[Elemental]

I used to talk very fast & would be scolded for "gabbering" so in later life I worked at slowing my speech, which felt very alien because my words sounded soooooo slow but the upside is, it saves on repeating speech that was not understood previously.

Nervousness can make me blurt stuff out, so these days I try to stay mindful of the fact hat we cannot "un-tell" stuff.

Sometimes I'll say "I'll get off my soapbox now" when I've got too carried away speaking on a subject.