You are a victim of abuse. Being diagnosed on the spectrum or not isn’t going to make any difference to your situation. What will change? Will your husband suddenly understand you and give you the love and support you need?
Even if a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change anything between
@Suzanne and her husband, it could still improve her life in other ways or make it easier for people to help her (with all kinds of situations, including any problems in her marriage that she wishes to address).
And sometimes a diagnosis does change things for family members as far as ending or lessening mistreatment...it really depends on who they are and the reasons for why they are mistreating you.
I'm not saying it's okay/excusable to abuse or mistreat someone due to not understanding them (things like gaslighting, trying to control and manipulate a person, and put-downs are never okay -- and not understanding how your abusive behavior affects others does not absolve you of responsibility for that abusive behavior), only that with understanding sometimes a person is given a way to see things differently and to see clearly just how horrible their behavior has been.....particularly for things that only constitute abuse because the person they have been mistreating has autism;
For example, consistently demanding impossible/unreasonable things and then constantly criticizing a person for not meeting those impossible/unreasonable demands is a form of terrible psychological abuse -- but what's unreasonable/impossible for an autistic person (or a person with any disability, for that matter) may be quite realistic/reasonable or even easy for a non-autistic person (or a person without whatever disability is applicable). So demands and subsequent responses to the person not meeting those demands that would constitute abuse for a person with some particular disability might not be abuse for a person without that disability (the situation would still be bad, but more in the realm of ordinary, albeit potentially severe, conflict).
And even if it doesn't help the bad things it could add some more good things.....abusive relationships are not always just abuse, there can be genuine love and support in them, too. (Not saying the love and support magically makes everything okay or cancels out the abuse, just saying what I said.)