Talking to my psychiatrist about autism.

[Mary Lyn]

Leave him and come back to the UK. He will slowly destroy you.

 

[Suzanne]

As I mentioned previously, I was seeing my therapist today and going to approach about aspergers.

Well, my husband kindly raised the subject and this was without prompting from me and as a result, I am being tested NEXT TUESDAY for ASPERGERS.

My therapist said at first that he feels it is ptsd and not aspergers ( his opinion), but I jumped in sort of and explained why I felt it was not and he then said: in other words: you feel you tick most of the boxes for aspergers? And got on straight away to a psychiatrist hospital and made an appointment for me. This is the closest place to us, that diagnosis aspergers.

I am also going to give a tablet another try and he explained it does not cause weight gain, but should help with the anger issues and he reacted very pleased that I am willing to talk about my childhood to him.

My husband actually did amazingly well and explained that it manifests different in females and that I want a diagnosis, so that I can have peace of mind.

All in all and productive session.

 

[the_tortoise]

I'm very glad it went well!

 

[Mary Terry]

I hate meds! But I am dealing with two men who believe that is how it should go and well, both being neurotypical, does tend to override my feelings.

As it is, I am going to face a battle, because as far as my therapist is concerned, I am only going today, to check on how the meds he prescribed for me are doing and thus, he is not going to be chuffed when I tell him I stopped taking them and just hope my husband backs me up on why I stopped taking them.

The thing is, regarding anger, is that my husband is of the mind that am in control and that he has no role in my anger, despite the fact that his lack of reasoning and logic is what gets me so fuelled up! And so, since he won't change and I can't, then if meds are available that do not cause weight gain, I will at least try them.

I do not live in Paris, so not an option for me. Basically, a good 6hr drive to there. And no, I am not fluent in French and what makes it worse is that we are sure my therapist is not French and why I find it virtually impossible to understand him, but he seems to understand when I explain in English, something to my husband; just not able to speak English, but is happy to use google translater.

Suzanne, please start searching for another therapist! It is critical that patient and doctor fully communicate in a common language. You also need total professional confidentiality and privacy with your therapist, and your husband should not even be in the room with you.

The types of things, feelings, emotions, perceptions, events from your childhood, etc that you need to talk about with your therapist, are full of nuances, subtleties, hints/clues of things you may not understand yourself. Things will get lost in the translation by your husband no matter how hard he tries, so it is vitally important that you have a direct rapport with your therapist. Your husband, who is not a therapist or a native French speaker, is currently serving as a filter for your therapy and that is never a good thing, no matter how great a husband, friend and translator he may be. You need one-on-one therapy with someone who speaks fluent English.

If I were in that situation, I'd flat out tell the therapist that the communication barrier interferes with my ability to get help from him and request him to provide me with names of other referral therapists who are fluent in English. Otherwise, it's like going to a blind dermatologist to diagnose your skin rash.

Meanwhile, I hope today goes great and look forward to hearing how it went.

 

[Mary Terry]

I just saw you posted before I hit the send button on my reply above. That is great news!

 

[BraidedPony]

I agree that having a diagnosis should help family and friends understand her and then be more supportive. But I don’t think that would happen. Why wouldn’t her word be enough? If she tells her husband that she can’t do XYZ, then that should be all the explanation required. If he doesn’t accept that then I don’t think a diagnosis is going to change things. I hope I’m wrong though.
I disagree that genuine love and abuse can coexist.
I hope she can get an accurate diagnosis, but I’m feeling so negative about it.

 

[the_tortoise]

I disagree that genuine love and abuse can coexist.

Okay, I can agree to disagree. Maybe you and I have different ideas about what genuine love is.....by my definition I have been genuinely loved and abused at the same time.

Why wouldn’t her word be enough? If she tells her husband that she can’t do XYZ, then that should be all the explanation required.

I agree with you, her word should be enough. My partner's word would be enough for me.

I don't know why her word would not be enough, but I know that for some people it isn't enough....some guesses for possible reasons:

Maybe because they have been lied to or manipulated in the past or something, so they have a hard time trusting others in relationships; Or maybe because they themselves would be inclined to lie about such things, either in the the past or the present. In either case, having a third party with more objectivity and no personal investment in the relationship say "your partner can't do this" might make it more trustworthy?

Maybe (ridiculous and illogical as this is) because they believe only a doctor can possess the ability to tell the difference between "can't" and "won't" (unless they and everyone they have ever met have also been unable to do whatever-it-is, in which case they probably just think of it as something human beings universally or usually cannot do), so until a doctor says (to them or to anyone else) "You can't do this" they don't believe it ?

Maybe because they can't imagine anyone being unable to do whatever-the-thing-is and/or can't imagine a reason for anyone being unable to do whatever-the-thing-is (and so default to some other more complicated explanation that they can imagine, or just don't believe their partner's statements about being unable to do something while having no idea why their partner believes they can't do whatever-it-is), and the diagnosis both shows them it's possible for people (i.e. if it wasn't possible for people to be unable to do whatever-it-is then why would there be a diagnosis for it recognized by people all over the world) and gives them information and a framework for imagining and seeing how it works?

There are probably a lot of things that can get in the way of trust and understanding.....like I said, I don't know what all those things might be, but I'm sure there are plenty of possibilities.

 

[BraidedPony]

I see what you mean, many people do trust what a doctor says and a diagnosis makes it real for people. Yeah, that makes sense. I’m like you in that I would just take the person’s word for it, but most people don’t think that way I guess.
The love/abuse thing, in my experience they don’t go together. But I’m not the Keeper of All Knowledge! Lol

 

[Autistamatic]

I have been loved and abused simultaneously by the same person before. It is possible, but difficult to assimilate.
I'm just delighted for @Suzanne that she has made progress today. Marital problems aside, it's clear that the certainty of disgnosis will be good for her emotional well being.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Yay Suzanne!!! Bravo! Hope all will be smoother and easier from now on.

 

[TempeFan]

I hope you can find a professional that knows how to and will help you, if not this one then a better one. We can't be there with you but your friends have your back. Good luck.

 

[Suzanne]

Leave him and come back to the UK. He will slowly destroy you.

Been married 27 years and thus, if he was going to destroy me, believe me, I would be destroyed already and there have been numerous times that I was close.

I am not exactly a perfect wife, as he is not a perfect husband and besides in my faith, adultery is the only way to be released from a marriage. Oh, I can separate from him, but despite everything, I do love him.

I have a home in France. I would have no home in the uk.

 

[Mary Lyn]

@Suzanne God does not require us to stay with an abuser. For all your faults I am sure that you are not an abuser. People do love their abusers - look up Stockholm Syndrome.

I just hope it does not take a long time for you to awaken to the fact that you deserve and can get better.

Yes people have to give up material comforts often to leave an abuser. Or get him thrown out by recording it all and going for divorce that way. Feel so sorry for you.

 

[BraidedPony]

You don’t think you’re already half destroyed now? Come on, wake up.
I bet you already have physical problems, gastrointestinal problems, autoimmune system is out of whack, migraines, unexplained pains or rashes or organs that aren’t working properly.
Emotionally you doubt yourself and feel powerless and you are clinging to your husband and some psychiatrist that doesn’t have the professional judgement to see you alone to help you! Neither of them are going to help you, they are working in tandem to just keep you submissive and medicated.
You will have to take charge of your own life, trust your gut instincts and become independent in your finances, emotions and physical self.