Talking to my psychiatrist about autism.

[Suzanne]

My husband actually is going to be the one to open the conversation about me being on the autism spectrum. He will outline what he notices about me and says that he is keen for me to discuss my terrible anger issues and "unforgiving nature" ( that is a misnomber, for if a person asked for forgiveness, I am ready to forgive and really happy to).

He agreed that his word will be listened to over mine ( horrible to acknowledge that, but I am a realistic person and so, better to acknowledge that my word counts for very little and work with it, than hide from it).

I am also willing that if there is meds for anger issues that do not cause weight gain, I will try and to talk about my past.

I so hope it is a productive meeting.

 

[Mary Lyn]

@Suzanne

You have said a few things about your husband that have made me wonder whether he has a personality disorders like covert narcissism, the way he undermines you. Your anger could come from this. They arehard to spot. Is he controlling and manipulative?

 

[Autistamatic]

I hope it goes well for you and you get closer to an answer. I know you have waited a long time for this

 

[Loren]

All the best to you.

 

[Monachopia]

I hope the appointment goes well. When I approached the subject with my psychiatrist, he wanted my partner to come in to answer questions, it was a little awkward, but it seems that's the way diagnosis is done - on the word of someone close to you who sees you every day. I hope your husband will be kind, though some questions might be a little painful to hear the answers to. Stay strong. x

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Don't expect any miracles from doctors.

 

[Suzanne]

@Suzanne

You have said a few things about your husband that have made me wonder whether he has a personality disorders like covert narcissism, the way he undermines you. Your anger could come from this. They arehard to spot. Is he controlling and manipulative?

Probably, but he is trying very hard to be the opposite and yes, he does exhubriate the anger, but he is not the cause of the anger. I have suffered anger issues since around 4 when I first became aware of something not quite right, but did shrugged it off.

He is controlling and manipulative and gaslights me, but my faith helps me deal with it. And if my husband can help me with today, then all too the good.

 

[Suzanne]

I hope the appointment goes well. When I approached the subject with my psychiatrist, he wanted my partner to come in to answer questions, it was a little awkward, but it seems that's the way diagnosis is done - on the word of someone close to you who sees you every day. I hope your husband will be kind, though some questions might be a little painful to hear the answers to. Stay strong. x

The worst for me, is two men against one woman and I have felt that in the room, but I hope that because it was my husband who mentioned that instead of discussing aspergers, it is probably best to go in with autism spectrum and he is tired of my anger issues and so, he may just be able to be the support I need and especially because I agreed that if meds are on offer that do not cause weight gain ( I do not believe there are), then I will take and am willing to talk about my childhood, so how my husband works is if I am willing to do those, he is willing to be my advocate.

Since each session is awkward anyway, as my husband tends to look bored out of his wits and can barely rouse himself to translate for me; this can not be any worse.

 

[Suzanne]

Don't expect any miracles from doctors.

Been my undoing. Always hope that things will go as planned and so, one of the things I have stopped myself doing is going through the perfect scenario. I have even tried going through the worst case scenario and in that respects, it could work, because then I can sort of train myself how to answer or behave.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I am also willing that if there is meds for anger issues that do not cause weight gain, I will try and to talk about my past.

I hate that, I mean, if you have anger issue as many here does, try to work on therapy about it and not just use meds right away , well I sure sound like someone who knows better than you and this is not my intention, just want to say that I hate meds lol.

I think iv got anger issue aswell but you know I try to embrace it to some degree, I dont know how to realy deal with it but meds can go to hell IMO. Unless you are not a threat to others xD

You live in France at the moment right? are you fluent in french? I mean if you can go near paris I can give you the adress of a therapist specialized about ASD, I dont known if she has the time for a new client at the moment because she is overbooked and pregnant BUT at least she isnt someone who laught when you mention that issue.

 

[Mattymatt]

My husband actually is going to be the one to open the conversation about me being on the autism spectrum. He will outline what he notices about me and says that he is keen for me to discuss my terrible anger issues and "unforgiving nature" ( that is a misnomber, for if a person asked for forgiveness, I am ready to forgive and really happy to).

He agreed that his word will be listened to over mine ( horrible to acknowledge that, but I am a realistic person and so, better to acknowledge that my word counts for very little and work with it, than hide from it).

I am also willing that if there is meds for anger issues that do not cause weight gain, I will try and to talk about my past.

I so hope it is a productive meeting.

I hope that it goes well and that your meeting is productive.

 

[StephF]

I hope it all goes well for you

 

[Starfire]

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you.

 

[Suzanne]

I hate that, I mean, if you have anger issue as many here does, try to work on therapy about it and not just use meds right away , well I sure sound like someone who knows better than you and this is not my intention, just want to say that I hate meds lol.

I think iv got anger issue aswell but you know I try to embrace it to some degree, I dont know how to realy deal with it but meds can go to hell IMO. Unless you are not a threat to others xD

You live in France at the moment right? are you fluent in french? I mean if you can go near paris I can give you the adress of a therapist specialized about ASD, I dont known if she has the time for a new client at the moment because she is overbooked and pregnant BUT at least she isnt someone who laught when you mention that issue.

I hate meds! But I am dealing with two men who believe that is how it should go and well, both being neurotypical, does tend to override my feelings.

As it is, I am going to face a battle, because as far as my therapist is concerned, I am only going today, to check on how the meds he prescribed for me are doing and thus, he is not going to be chuffed when I tell him I stopped taking them and just hope my husband backs me up on why I stopped taking them.

The thing is, regarding anger, is that my husband is of the mind that am in control and that he has no role in my anger, despite the fact that his lack of reasoning and logic is what gets me so fuelled up! And so, since he won't change and I can't, then if meds are available that do not cause weight gain, I will at least try them.

I do not live in Paris, so not an option for me. Basically, a good 6hr drive to there. And no, I am not fluent in French and what makes it worse is that we are sure my therapist is not French and why I find it virtually impossible to understand him, but he seems to understand when I explain in English, something to my husband; just not able to speak English, but is happy to use google translater.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Ok.
Well I dont know realy how your anger issues manifest themselves and how it is an issue for you and your relatives.
So I can't realy give a good opinion about it. If you go all in violent and break everything in the room then yeah maybe thats a good idea, but if you just shout some mean stuff then pff that's not that much important , I say that because maybe im used to it with my mother lol. And also with my father sometimes kek.

Just don't medicate yourself for relationship issues seriously.

Your therapist isnt french but doesnt know english? in France? weird.
You are your own person and you can make your own decisions, anyway even with meds therapy should be recquired.

Maybe you said it in another post but what was your last anger outburst how did it manifest itself and for what reasons?

 

[Pats]

That's great! Let us know how it goes for you today.
I think it's important for the psychiatrist to know about the autism because things that might help an NT may not help someone on the spectrum and treatment may need to be adjusted due to the autism.
It's horrible to feel ganged up on with no one having your back and I pray this doesn't happen today.

 

[the_tortoise]

That's great! Let us know how it goes for you today.
I think it's important for the psychiatrist to know about the autism because things that might help an NT may not help someone on the spectrum and treatment may need to be adjusted due to the autism.
It's horrible to feel ganged up on with no one having your back and I pray this doesn't happen today.

Including medicines. It seems autistic people more commonly have peculiar reactions to medications, or are just extremely sensitive to them so the dose needs to be lowered compared to the standard.

Good luck, Suzanne, I hope it goes really well for you today!

 

[Pats]

Including medicines. It seems autistic people more commonly have peculiar reactions to medications, or are just extremely sensitive to them so the dose needs to be lowered compared to the standard.

Good luck, Suzanne, I hope it goes really well for you today!

totally agree - I always do 1/4 to 1/2 the smallest dose.

 

[BraidedPony]

Your husband acts bored during your most important appointments when you need him to be engaged and act as a translator for your health and well-being and you don’t think that makes you angry?
You acknowledge your husband is controlling, manipulative, and uses gaslighting against you, and yet you are going to trust him to accurately translate your true feelings to a psychiatrist?
You are a victim of abuse. Being diagnosed on the spectrum or not isn’t going to make any difference to your situation. What will change? Will your husband suddenly understand you and give you the love and support you need?
Learn to trust yourself because only you know what is best for you. If you truly had an anger issue, your husband would be dead by now.

 

[the_tortoise]

You are a victim of abuse. Being diagnosed on the spectrum or not isn’t going to make any difference to your situation. What will change? Will your husband suddenly understand you and give you the love and support you need?

Even if a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change anything between @Suzanne and her husband, it could still improve her life in other ways or make it easier for people to help her (with all kinds of situations, including any problems in her marriage that she wishes to address).

And sometimes a diagnosis does change things for family members as far as ending or lessening mistreatment...it really depends on who they are and the reasons for why they are mistreating you.

I'm not saying it's okay/excusable to abuse or mistreat someone due to not understanding them (things like gaslighting, trying to control and manipulate a person, and put-downs are never okay -- and not understanding how your abusive behavior affects others does not absolve you of responsibility for that abusive behavior), only that with understanding sometimes a person is given a way to see things differently and to see clearly just how horrible their behavior has been.....particularly for things that only constitute abuse because the person they have been mistreating has autism;

For example, consistently demanding impossible/unreasonable things and then constantly criticizing a person for not meeting those impossible/unreasonable demands is a form of terrible psychological abuse -- but what's unreasonable/impossible for an autistic person (or a person with any disability, for that matter) may be quite realistic/reasonable or even easy for a non-autistic person (or a person without whatever disability is applicable). So demands and subsequent responses to the person not meeting those demands that would constitute abuse for a person with some particular disability might not be abuse for a person without that disability (the situation would still be bad, but more in the realm of ordinary, albeit potentially severe, conflict).

And even if it doesn't help the bad things it could add some more good things.....abusive relationships are not always just abuse, there can be genuine love and support in them, too. (Not saying the love and support magically makes everything okay or cancels out the abuse, just saying what I said.)