Suspect I have Aspberger's. What do I do now?

[atomicgypsy]

Hello. I am new here. I really need some advice and help. I will try not to subject you to a novella, as I have a tendency to ramble on at times.

I was misdiagnosed several years ago - first they said Bipolar, then PTSD or even severe PMS (really? are you kidding me?)

I have been reading and thinking and have come to the conclusion that all these years of struggle are due to my having Aspberger's. I came across Tania Marshall's blog post : Aspienwomen: Adult Women with Asperger Syndrome. Moving towards a female profile of Asperger Syndrome | taniaannmarshall
and just about fell out of my chair. I tell you true, my jaw was hanging open and tears were streaming down my face as I was reading that list. I just couldn't believe it. I was elated. Finally! This is it. This explains it all! I was frantic. Frantic to shout this out to the world. I'm struggling to tell you how good, how happy I felt. I was so excited. Was looking for confirmation, congratulations.

Does that make sense?

Made sense to me. Then. I made the mistake of telling my husband. No joy. He brushed it aside. He didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to discuss. You must understand, my husband is a very good man and loves me and doesn't think there is anything wrong with me (most of the time, the other times he attributes my 'behaviour' to my being of the female persuasion and dismisses it), he wasn't cruel, just changed the subject.

So. I talked with my niece who works with disabled and folks with autism. She has no education, is just a companion for people. She blew me off, too. Oh, auntie, no no, you don't have the symptoms.

So. I told my sister. One of her first responses was to bring up the guy that shot all those people..."Isn't that what he has?". ouch. No joy or support for me there, sorry. Again, you don't act like one of THOSE people.

NExt...told Mom. NO way, not hearing it, not having it. Can't be. I tried to explain and point out the details. "No, honey, now you just don't worry about it, you are doing great!".

What my family doesn't know and doesn't understand is that at 44 years old, one can become quite adept at hiding everything. I am that good, yes I am, but I am dying inside. I can socialize for a little while and fake it and get along but I don't even know if I know how to love or feel close to someone. Trust? What the hell is that? Trust someone? Nope, aint happenin'.

Why, Mom, did you not notice that I had no close friends in school? That I didn't participate in anything. That I would do anything to get out of going to school? That I came home crying? That I cried all the time? Why didn't anyone in my family notice how weird I was? I was smart, scary smart - but I couldn't do math. I couldn't finish things. I didn't fit in and was in agony for 12 years. I dropped out of high school in my senior year.

I've been floating in limbo except when I am creating things, there I am real. There, I am happy.

How now, do I go about getting a diagnosis so that I can KNOW that what my gut is telling me is true? So that I can feel elated again in knowing that there is a reason; and at long last, have an explanation.

I apologize if this is too much information or too pathetic but I had to, HAD to talk to someone who might understand. I know I've found the answer, now what? I've read some posts here and noticed that many are self-diagnosed. Is this something that is common? Is it difficult to get a proper diagnosis?

 

[Judge]

I totally get you atomicgypsy. I assure you, you are not alone HERE.

It's all new for me as well, and I'm a bit older than you. However at this point I'm very reticent to seek a formal diagnosis given I believe it may make things more difficult for me in a society that so easily stigmatizes mental health issues.

 

[jwjones87]

I would search for a Dr or psychologist who specializes in autism. Have a list of "symptoms" and talk to them. It took my psychologist a year of talking to me to make the dx and my Dr agrees. Don't give up. We are glad to have you here. From my reading here, I'm a lot alike the others, something I've never had. Ever. If you read here and you find yourself saying "Yes! Yes! That's me!" then your dx is probably correct.

 

[Arashi222]

My suggestion is a lot of times girls get the your not Autistic a lot because we don't portray ourselves as most of what people recognize as Aspergers. My thought would be find a therapist in your area that specializes in Autism. Most states will have an Autism Society of that area they can direct you to the right place for an adult evaluation mind you AS has gone from the DSM they will rate you levels most likely and give the DX of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Good Luck and welcome to our humble home.

 

[Peace]

Same for me. Shock, tears, joy, then no one wants to believe you.
They do not understand what it is, or much about us. It sounds like you already know that you have it. Now you just have to work on managing it to get the best life you can.
Remember that having this is NOT having something "Wrong" with you, it is just a way of describing how you are.

 

[Ste11aeres]

The real reason is usually that people don't understand aspergers. Heck, I used to not understand Aspergers, and, until I did, I resisted any suggestion that I had it. Wasn't til I learned everything possible to know that I was able to look back on my life and realize not only that I had it but that some of the people I'd known throughout my life clearly had it.

Be forwarned: not every "professional", not every psychiatrist or psychologist etc. understands it.

 

[Judge]

The real reason is usually that people don't understand aspergers. Heck, I used to not understand Aspergers, and, until I did, I resisted any suggestion that I had it. Wasn't til I learned everything possible to know that I was able to look back on my life and realize not only that I had it but that some of the people I'd known throughout my life clearly had it.

Be forwarned: not every "professional", not every psychiatrist or psychologist etc. understands it.

I went for years drawing a complete blank about autism in general. Not until it became personal....maybe that's ultimately how it is in most cases.

Yes! Now I'm able to go back decades in my life and understand people in my own orbit who were on the autistic spectrum. Too bad so late....NOW I get them!

 

[Spinning Compass]

I get the same response, that I can't possibly be on the spectrum because I appear to function so well. That is because most people only know me superficially. When you only see people once a week for an hour or two at most, it is easier to hide some of the more obvious aspects. Plus I have worked very, very hard to identify and eradicate stereotypical aspie traits. You are not alone. As for what to do now, well, you can go get a diagnosis if you have the time and money to do so, but in the end, is it really going to change much? See, once Aspie children reach a certain age, their Aspergers magically disappears and they no longer need any help.

It is like getting your eyes checked as a child and being told you have astigmatism and have to wear glasses. Then, once you reach your teens, the glasses are taken away because you no longer need them. You are not supposed to have any more difficulty seeing and if you persist in insisting that you do, then there is something wrong with you (but not bad eyesight). You are seeking attention. You are trying to get out of things. Oh, and by the way, we don't talk about vision problems, that is a big no-no. Well, the difference between having poor vision and being on the spectrum is that you can always go to an eye doctor and get glasses or contacts or surgery or whatever you need, but there is no equivalent for the adult who is on the spectrum.