Surprisingly unattractive

[Eric the NNT]

Sometimes I was one of their bestfriends . . . I haven't met girl (or anyone) on spectrum, with whom I would had longer conversations.

To clarify, is this topic about finding girls with whom you enjoy conversation? Or is this topic about actually having an intimate physical relationship?

If you just want to have a conversation, then you're just experiencing the phenomenon of being a "beta orbiter" and perhaps that's more common with NT women.

If you want to have a romantic relationship, then conversation is irrelevant and chemistry is the only thing that matters in the first place.

 

[Pesky Person]

Maybe because when you have nothing to talk about, it's more complicated to end together in bed? .) Especially, when girls in spectrum have problems in first touches (even me) and expressing interest (even me)?

I don't say you can't be right. But I haven't seen much arguments why to prefer spectrum girls?

 

[Eric the NNT]

Maybe because when you have nothing to talk about, it's more complicated to end together in bed? .)

No, not at all. It's the exact opposite, since talking just fills in the gaps until you are able to get to the bed in the first place.

Attraction is pretty much instant, insomuch as it either exists or it does not.

Maybe
But I haven't seen much arguments why to prefer spectrum girls?

I am not saying you should prefer them.

I am saying that they would prefer you.

 

[All-Rounder]

It's not exactly what happened. She later indirectly admitted that she wanted to feel better and wanted. I can't trust her like before. Not angry yet, just lost interest in her as a person. I would never think about having sex with her (without her started talking about it) and personally, I'm not sure she is sexy enought. But, and it sounds selfish, it's worse to hear that unatractive person doesnt wanted you (instead of pretty one).
Only just to be fair, I was guest at her wedding. I wasnt jealous. It was just boring .) (I dont like wedding, furneals...)

It sounds like shes not the one for you, and I couldn't really get over that either. This doesnt seem like the type of relationship to give another try to, especially since she didnt seem to feel sorry about it or try to mend it.

The one thing I'm happy about is that you know what you don't want and won't go for it just because you're lonely. That's the kind of confidence to have.

 

[All-Rounder]

Maybe because when you have nothing to talk about, it's more complicated to end together in bed? .) Especially, when girls in spectrum have problems in first touches (even me) and expressing interest (even me)?

I don't say you can't be right. But I haven't seen much arguments why to prefer spectrum girls?

Me and my gf who is on the spectrum, diagnosed, are super close matches on passions, feelings, experiences, so everything is so much fun and relatable so it works out so well. Sometimes I wonder what the chances are to be so alike, but mybe thats a common feeling of being in love? Still it seems compared to my exes she is just so much like me it's incredible.
But I'm not sure if it would be as good with someone whom you didn't have much in common with, that may be harder than with an NT due to rigidity and restrained passions. But who knows, surely personality is higher than that, and how open both people would be to doing things they don't particularly enjoy but also don't particularly hate either.

 

[All-Rounder]

I don't disagree about how people could see me. But what is the point? I don't say I dislike spectrum people, just say I see no reason why to prefer them as a potencional girlfriend? The fact, I didnt feel well in these groups after some time just didnt help it. But as I said, I could imagine I would find some great AS girlfriend.
And yes, many NT has problems with me. Anyway, I have still great (longterm) NT friends. Maybe it sounds funny, but in my state, these people helps me a lot to be...well, lets say better. But of course, sometimes I have to "translate" and adjust their advices.

It is great to be liked first, but chances of that seem low for you, and not only, since by statistics most women need to be conquered to even have a spark of interest in someone and have interactions with them especially knowing they are being pursued. Being pursued by someone they don't like is embarrassing and very unpleasant.

To make the spectrum stuff known and aware and make it sound charming there's quite a bit of work to be done, to get them hooked on the right details and to make yourself as a spectrum person charming and funny doesn't always come without intent. Your effort matters and time may be limited before they get annoyed and shut the door for pursuing them and wasting their time embarrassing them and turning them off.

 

[Moonhart44]

i feel i have a similar problem. a couple days ago my boyfriend wanted to break up with me. he said it was too hard dealing with my problems. I havent had many boyfriends, but when i have them, they tell me that im not good enough for marraige, or they werent fully committed to me to begin with. Even my boyfriend now when i asked him what are we he said its complicated. I feel no one will ever want me besides my looks, because i am a perfectionist and TRY to look good at all times. I dont even have many friends. :V idk what to do

 

[All-Rounder]

i feel i have a similar problem. a couple days ago my boyfriend wanted to break up with me. he said it was too hard dealing with my problems. I havent had many boyfriends, but when i have them, they tell me that im not good enough for marraige, or they werent fully committed to me to begin with. Even my boyfriend now when i asked him what are we he said its complicated. I feel no one will ever want me besides my looks, because i am a perfectionist and TRY to look good at all times. I dont even have many friends. :V idk what to do

It happened to me countless times. I think maybe he feels misunderstood and alone, having to fight against you instead of talk things out with your support. I have found when I probably feel similar to what he does my gf always makes me feel like we're going to do it together, so i feel supported and not alone, that takes a lot of weight off and makes me feel like things are alright no matter what. If he has doubts about living with you in the long term because it's too hard for him to find a fix for all the issues and help you leave them behind it's actually better than if he has issues with your personal quirks that are part of who you are. Are there trust issues you are dealing with?

 

[Moonhart44]

It happened to me countless times. I think maybe he feels misunderstood and alone, having to fight against you instead of talk things out with your support. I have found when I probably feel similar to what he does my gf always makes me feel like we're going to do it together, so i feel supported and not alone, that takes a lot of weight off and makes me feel like things are alright no matter what. If he has doubts about living with you in the long term because it's too hard for him to find a fix for all the issues and help you leave them behind it's actually better than if he has issues with your personal quirks that are part of who you are. Are there trust issues you are dealing with?

yes. i am generally untrustworthy. In a manner of speaking, I am another statistic because of my naivete, my desire to believe that people are good, my struggle with understanding why people are deceptive However, its not about him being faithful or dangerous (he is actually the least drama filled bf ive had) but more about being my real self. I havent been my real self in at least a year ( i moved to another state last year and havent gotten close to anoyone enough yet, while also cutting out toxic friends). I also have trouble communicating things to him, my tone, or even just the actual ability to open my mouth instead of freezing like a deer in headlights for 5 minutes, frozen but pregnant with emotion.

however that said i hear what youre saying. i am just afraid that im not giving myself a fair chance if i keep closing off to him, then cut him off, then be even further isolated in my current extra depressed state.

 

[Mister Anonymity]

Hi all, it turned out lately, that I should be highly functional aspie. My life is not such a bad. Have a few friends, job... but what has been real pain - relationships. I have been always charmed, when I have spoted interesting girl nearby. But still, in my whole live, I had only one very short relationship (a few kisses, a few walks, quick and ugly ending). It was maybe 12 years ago and only case, I have ever had second date. People around say, I'm looking normal and behave like it (so not really weird, maybe a bit nervous), but I saw girls almost running away after I tried to invite them to go out. Also, when I try Tinder, its not such a big deal to have a date, but after first date, girls disappear (no bye, no explanation). Sometimes, it ends in friendzone. Strange is, even my real good friend was nervous, when I get too close to her comfort zone (and I was only one in this role from all her friends). I can hear very often, that girls can't imagine me as partner (only friend).

After so many refusals, I feel quite (long-term) depressed. I have never heard, where could be a problem, so its problem to find solution. As a bonus, I'm not ugly, stupid, not so boring... so its quite hard to point. I hoped, that anybody had the same problem? It would be great to get some advice or directing. Anyway, thanks for reading.)

I've been in your situation. I've been rejected by women so many times. It's hard to keep hope in these situations. You need to understand that if you force your way into a relationship, you won't get anywhere in life. Focus on your hobbies and sources of interest. Distract yourself. Go out for a movie. Stop focusing on your relationships. Find something else to occupy your time. You're a good person, but you're treating yourself with less respect. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. Be happy. Follow your dreams. So what if you're not attractive? Who cares what anyone thinks about you? You need to be happy. Get over yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Do something within your comfort zone. Listen to music. Watch a movie. Write a book or paint some art. Do something to occupy your time. Follow your hobbies and interests. Other people come with their own problems. You don't want to be complicated by their problems. Live your life and focus on other things. You may find romance in the long haul, or you may not. So what? I have the same odds of finding a relationship as you do. If I never find a girlfriend, so what? Just be happy and relax.

 

[paloftoon]

If women aren't working out, go gay

Also, if you look like the pic in your profile OP, I'd consider you.