Surprise! I like you! Telling the girl I like that I like her.

[Wolfnox]

Made up my mind this is something I would do.
Had a long discussion with my emotions. Two years hasn’t changed things so I’m going to do it when the opportunity arises.
Finally found the right words to say too.

Wanted to let you guys know as this is my first.

 

[AspieChris]

Go for it!

 

[tree]

Spoiler

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Much of my earlier life, I failed at that so missed out on connection. I regret that now. I finally learned that if I wanted a relationship I needed to put myself out. Being vulnerable was very hard for me, but I found that even if my offer was refused it was not entirely about me.

I wish you the best of luck. Be sure to actively listen to and understand her. Be accepting. I hope she has an outlook, values and interests that harmonize with yours.

 

[Rodafina]

Be brave, be true, be yourself. Good luck.

 

[Dagan]

Good luck. I might have actually missed an opportunity a few days ago, myself, so with full support to you and not wanting anyone else to miss out - DO IT !!!

 

[Wolfnox]

She’s in a relationship. Oh. Well.

 

[Rodafina]

Hey, you put yourself out there and you took a chance. Full respect to you. Well done with that part.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I hope the experience has shown you that it is a good thing for you to try to connect. Taking that step will become easier as you engage with people. Even NTs find it hard to approach somebody and many of us have anxiety about being judged. Yet, the sweetest turn down that I received was when the woman suggested that I talk to another woman she said liked me. That resulted in my first relationship which set me on the path to be prepared to meet my spouse.

Take pride in your action.

 

[Wolfnox]

I needed to hear so I could move forward. All good.

 

[Rodafina]

I needed to hear so I could move forward. All good.

Sometimes, a clear answer really is the best thing.

 

[Aspychata]

Oh boy. It's hard to hear this. I kinda now say l am involved, because so many single men where l live. But it took courage to do that, so that's a good thing. Sometimes just asking for a coffee date is fun. No big expense, you get to chat a little, no pressure.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I always liked those no-pressure opportunities to chat. It was the first step to engage with somebody and hope that by being friendly they may want to get to know me better. Sometimes it was clear that they would not be interested in more, but keeping communication going was nice and I valued that.

When I first called my future spouse to set up a car pooling arrangement, I was entranced by her voice and called frequently to go through training and gear for a trail maintenance project. I was not expecting much of anything, so I was surprised as we fell into a relationship that has lasted. Developing a friendship first was so important.

 

[blue_bird]

Well done. I'm sorry you didn't get the desired result though. I'm envious of you since I just can't get myself to admit any feelings to anyone I like. I'm really terrified of rejection and belittling.

 

[AspieChris]

A bit of advice for all of us:

If the person you ask out on a date turns out to be dating someone already, and they direct you to someone else who likes you instead. When you go ask her/him out and they say “Do you really like her/him more than me? Am I your 2nd choice?”

Best response ever: “I actually wanted to ask YOU out first but I thought you were WAY out of my league. I don’t date much and I just figured that you would turn me down. I couldn’t believe it when they said YOU actually liked ME.”

It’s endearing and it takes the sting out of them feeling like they we’re your 2nd choice. And then you NEVER tell ANYONE the truth!

 

[Aspychata]

@i-wanna-blue- woman go thru rejection too. I start out with a guy, and just really like him, then they say hey, no relationship, l am just not that in to you or not that into having a relationship. So for some of us , (woman), we get the rejection slip handed later to us, which is way harder, then getting it up front. Like after we have done the bedroom disco dance. So everyone deals with rejection at some point.

 

[Dagan]

Rejection is mostly tough because of how hard I would treat myself over it. Yet again being wrong, not understanding intentions, not getting it right what someone meant, etc. It is a feeling that defeats me the most, and so I tend to lose a bit more confidence each occurrence.

 

[AspieChris]

Rejection is mostly tough because of how hard I would treat myself over it. Yet again being wrong, not understanding intentions, not getting it right what someone meant, etc. It is a feeling that defeats me the most, and so I tend to lose a bit more confidence each occurrence.

You’re getting an education that only comes from trial and error.

The truth is that the ONLY reason I got through the first year with my wife when we first started dating is the very difficult education I got from all of my previous failures. And believe me when I say that I made every imaginable mistake with women possible.

You’re in training for when that perfect person shows up, so you won’t say or do the wrong thing and scare them off before they get to see the awesome person you are. But training hard means blisters. If you avoid the difficult parts of this education, you won’t build the skills you’ll need to help that person fall in love with you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@i-wanna-blue- woman go thru rejection too. I start out with a guy, and just really like him, then they say hey, no relationship, l am just not that in to you or not that into having a relationship. So for some of us , (woman), we get the rejection slip handed later to us, which is way harder, then getting it up front. Like after we have done the bedroom disco dance. So everyone deals with rejection at some point.

So true. Sometimes rejection is the price for being open to somebody. After a few, one stops taking it personally. You gotta set your ego aside. Plus, women who are intimate with somebody hoping that it will turn into something more serious too often get played. I think I missed out a bit not acting like that towards women, but then It doesn't matter because I was intimate with my future spouse after a good friendship developed and we were entering a strong relationship based upon values and interests.

 

[Aspychata]

Exactly @Gerald Wilgus, there are men that spend their entire life just doing that. So as anybody entering the dating pool, you are figuring out is this person a player? I do encounter a lot of players.
Sometimes the more attractive you are draws out the players.