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Still single

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
From my experience this is so true! I have said here before that I had a period of existential loneliness (yes, existential!). Then I started living independently, living for myself, having successes in research and being published, and could follow my interests. I started putting together a good life and was involved in outings. Sure, it was hard being single, but I liked my life and its potential. Then I took a chance and was not looking for a relationship when I called a woman to car pool to a trail maintenance project. She evidently liked me and we started a relationship that has lasted for 45 1/2 years. Life happens when you are making other plans.
That's how my uncle found a girlfriend. she went to a country dance. previously married met this quiet guy dairy farmer 50 years later he died 98 and she 97 I think from a broken heart.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Do you have an autobiographical-like memory, Markness? That might be why you remember and focus on the past a lot. I'm exactly the same. I am into nostalgia anyway, and the past fascinates me with how it has made up my life to date, and sometimes it's a safe place to be, where I can relive my childhood and "see" my mother, grandmother and cat again.
Buuuut it has its downsides as well. Bad memories are also stuck in my brain, and I can't help reliving the bad times as well as the good times. It seems to just be the way my brain is wired, to capture and store more memories than the average human brain can. So when people just say "stop living in the past, move on, move on!" it's really unhelpful.
I have what’s called a “photographic memory” which is the slang term for an eidetic memory.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
If you're the majority race or look like you could be, you will generally get more hits of interest because people in the world generally enjoy this complexion more overall, You being a straight person, you do have more options, but you do have more competition too. There are so many people near and far you have probably not met. Most of us have some desire to be with someone romantically. Try to find someone with a similar status to you for compatibility purposes. Don't try to look for someone with a career specifically if you don't have a career type job yourself, for instance. You need to bring enough to the table so to speak, and that helps a lot. I don't sense that you have some of the uncontrollable barriers that some others might face, particularly race, but I could be wrong about that.
Technically, Anglo Americans (Who are the ethnicity I am a part of.) aren’t the majority of Texas. Hispanic Americans have been the majority for a good amount of time now. But in my observations, Anglo and Hispanic men both equally are desired by women equally as long as express a belief in a god and are masculine or even “macho.” Sadly, the requirements to be seen as either masculine or “macho” involve driving trucks or other vehicles deemed “manly” dangerously, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes or weed in secret since it’s still illegal in Texas, blasting country or rap music on your vehicle’s stereo, owning firearms, and not hesitating to get into fist fights.
 
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Tony Ramirez

Single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
@Markness Forget about ever making friends at work or college. Especially college which scared me for life. I made really close friends at church joining an non denomical church. Also doing yoga connected me to people too and improved my socaliable, health. Both the best decisions of my life.
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Technically, Anglo Americans (Who are the ethnicity I am a part of.) aren’t the majority of Texas. Hispanic Americans have been the majority for a good amount of time now. But in my observations, Anglo and Hispanic men both equally are desired by women equally as long as express a belief in a god and are masculine or even “macho.” Sadly, the requirements to be seen as either masculine or “macho” involve driving trucks or other vehicles deemed “manly” dangerously, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes or weed in secret since it’s still illegal in Texas, blasting country or rap music on your vehicle’s stereo, owning firearms, and not hesitating to get into fist fights.
Not everyone likes to smoke cigarettes or weed including me. Cigarettes are just plan disgusting. Weed has medical benefits but some people over rely on it in a way that is addictive and unhealthy. They use weed so casually and don't try to take precautions to use it properly. The smell of many kinds of (cheaper?) weed is disgusting for me. I think the rest of what you say has a lot of truth, but when it comes to cigarettes and maybe weed to a smaller extent, it depends on the people moreso.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
That sort of sounds like you're implying that if you
shared a bed, you'd be free of bad dreams while
you slept.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
I don’t know what you want me to say.
Start posting the positive steps you are taking to enjoy your interests and engage with people.


@Markness

If and when you do post a positive step, don't
negate it by declaring it was a failure because
it was somehow less than perfect.

If you said 'hi' to somebody and they said 'hi'
back, good enough. Not every interaction has
to be judged as inadequate because it didn't
lead to the fabled *coffee date.*

The idea is to build on small steps.
Strength to strength.

And, before you ask again, this doesn't mean
pretending to be happy. It means accepting what
you can accomplish as being sufficient to the day.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
@Markness get the hell out of college. You are torturing yourself staying at that horrible place. Of course stay at your job even if you don't always like it. Please find a outside hobby like uplifting like church or yoga or maybe dance classes. Don't focus on finding a gf instead just try to make friends.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
@Markness

If and when you do post a positive step, don't
negate it by declaring it was a failure because
it was somehow less than perfect.

If you said 'hi' to somebody and they said 'hi'
back, good enough. Not every interaction has
to be judged as inadequate because it didn't
lead to the fabled *coffee date.*

The idea is to build on small steps.
Strength to strength.

And, before you ask again, this doesn't mean
pretending to be happy. It means accepting what
you can accomplish as being sufficient to the day.
@tree: Do you mind if I copy this. As part of my therapy I am writing to that younger, confused, me. These are words that I wish he could have heard.
 
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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
@Markness

If and when you do post a positive step, don't
negate it by declaring it was a failure because
it was somehow less than perfect.

If you said 'hi' to somebody and they said 'hi'
back, good enough. Not every interaction has
to be judged as inadequate because it didn't
lead to the fabled *coffee date.*

The idea is to build on small steps.
Strength to strength.

And, before you ask again, this doesn't mean
pretending to be happy. It means accepting what
you can accomplish as being sufficient to the day.
I don’t know how much longer I can last, though.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
I don’t know how much longer I can last, though.
Yes, you do make it hard on yourself,
with the stories you tell yourself.

How things are terrible.
Awful. No good at all.

If you remember, that is called "awfulizing."

And it isn't useful.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Yes, you do make it hard on yourself,
making up the stories you do.

How things are terrible.
Awful. No good at all.

If you remember, that is called "awfulizing."

And it isn't useful.
I am honestly stumped mentally.
 

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