Some autistics just cannot understand some things...

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

And it is good when people understand that and reassure them it will be ok
So if you struggle with unknown, why should I feel shame, that is autistic and I have a disability...

So why and how would that be wrong. What is wrong is telling a disabled person to be less disabled

 

[Twilight]

I think people are just fine as they are. Most people have strengths and weaknesses whether they are diagnosed with something or not. Ideally, people would help each other out as the need arises - whatever the situation may call for.

I don't consider my autism a disability. Some do, though. It depends on the individual and the extent of their specific challenges. Autism often comes with strengths, too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I think people are just fine as they are. Most people have strengths and weaknesses whether they are diagnosed with something or not. Ideally, people would help each other out as the need arises - whatever the situation may call for.

I don't consider my autism a disability. Some do, though. It depends on the individual and the extent of their specific challenges. Autism often comes with strengths, too.

I like my strength, made my career.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I think people are just fine as they are. Most people have strengths and weaknesses whether they are diagnosed with something or not. Ideally, people would help each other out as the need arises - whatever the situation may call for.

I don't consider my autism a disability. Some do, though. It depends on the individual and the extent of their specific challenges. Autism often comes with strengths, too.

Yes so true I believe it has strengths and never considered it That either
Because when u call it a disability it sounds like you are saying it is negative
But now I am fine to say it because I do think I struggle with some things and whether or not it limits me in big areas remains to be seen. So I will happily say it so people know I am not competent always in all areas.

 

[Shevek]

Everyone has some blind spots. One astronomer of quite shattering eminence thought that his nostrils pointed down to shed space dust. Very few people bother learning the difference between strength and stiffness, let alone toughness, the three most basic terms in engineering. They are misused more often than not in popular literature.

 

[chameleonov]

If there are any serious strenghs with autism, I haven't benifited from them. On Asperger's side, there are people who reach success, but they are far few inbetween the rest. Not to mention the rest of the autistic 'scale' who are really suffering.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

And it is good when people understand that and reassure them it will be ok
So if you struggle with unknown, why should I feel shame, that is autistic and I have a disability...

So why and how would that be wrong. What is wrong is telling a disabled person to be less disabled

There are things in our lives we do not have control over, for sure. There are some things that we are cognitively unable to do because of a true inability/disability, but also because we haven't learned, the difference between intelligence and knowledge. In which case, if it is important enough, you had better learn. There are also things we could have control over, but don't due a conscious or unconscious lack of self-discipline and control. In which case, we need to stop living life by the seat of our pants by forcing ourself to pause to think things through before reacting with emotionally-driven behaviors. This will take a conscious effort to practice, often with meditation and reminders, over several months. You literally have to retrain your brain.

It's like saying "It's not the game, but how you play the game." For example, if I am on a football team and we are playing a game. I don't have control of the game or any of the players on my team or theirs, but I do have control over myself and how I am playing.

The only time you should legitimately feel shame is when you know you could have done something different, but made a conscious decision not to, and it resulted in a bad outcome. In which case, remember it as a life lesson, and add it to the long list of life lessons that contribute to your wisdom. Remember, but do not dwell on it. Make note of it and move on.

At work I have to deal with life and death situations. Every now and then, a baby is so sick that their breathing and heart stops. The "code blue" is called, the team shows up, and we do what we've been trained to do. Most of the time, we save the baby. Sadly, sometimes we don't. At the end of the code, those involved gather outside the room for a debrief. We critically analyze what was done, not done, and how we performed. We don't do this to point out fault, but to learn and gain wisdom, so it is less likely it will happen again. What I am suggesting is that there is useful utility in this in our daily lives, as well.

There has to be a life philosophy where you wake up in the morning and start your day with "I am going to be the best version of me today."

 

[AO1501]

....Not to mention the rest of the autistic 'scale' who are really suffering.

This is undoubtedly true, and many seem to forget this part of autism. It is however also true that for many, autism bestows some interesting strengths, not the least of which can be the deep-dive special interests and sawtooth skills, which really can make a viable core for worthwhile careers.

That this doesn't happen for everyone is really much as it is for the entire population, judging by how many fail to achieve satisfaction in their work and careers.

It's also somewhat in the premise of this thread, where 'some autistics just cannot understand some things...' because that is true of everyone. As @Shevek said, everyone has some blind spots, and there is nothing to suggest autism really impacts on that fundamental reality in itself.

In my case, much of what I can look back on as successes in my life have been the direct consequence of being on the spectrum. Not always because of a skill, but certainly as a result of knowing how to put those skills or knowledge to use.

 

[Aspychata]

Being on the spectrum, l sometimes struggle what the best version of me l am striving for everyday, @Neonatal RRT . But l agree this a great motivational to start your day, and a cuppe of javaa (misspell intended).

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Being on the spectrum, l sometimes struggle what the best version of me l am striving for everyday, @Neonatal RRT . But l agree this a great motivational to start your day, and a cuppe of javaa (misspelled intended).

If life were easy, if it were unchallenging, it would be a very boring life. I would not want this for myself.

 

[Aspychata]

Your post brings me right back to @lovely_darlingprettybaby 's post, of the challenge of being able to see that we don't understand some things, yet l don't feel shame for this, nor do l downgrade myself. Sometimes l truly can't see other's emotions, how they respond, and why it needs to affect me when it does truly slam me. Is it even black & white thinking?
How can we see what we don't get, it really takes stepping outside of our normal thought pattern and trying to be unbiased in general, no small feat. Does everybody struggle with this, including NT? Or is black and white thinking a survivalist hack?

 

[Outdated]

Perspectives.

As a child I knew nothing about autism, none of us did. I certainly knew I was different though, I knew I was better.

Smarter, faster, stronger, more resilient.

As a child I always thought that this was why other kids picked on me, partly because they were jealous of me and partly racial instinct that says people like me are a threat to their future job security.

Although I have a few social issues I always saw my autism as my superpower and I pity the poor gormless plebs that missed out.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I never knew I was on the spectrum, was no abused, not bullied. Did not know I had special skills until others noticed. wondered why promotions were so difficult to obtain jumped from job to job trying to get ahead, each position added to my skills base in an additive way, was not my intent. Retired as an absolute expert on industrial coating application with an unmatched skill set. None of this made sense, until 10 years prior to retirement. Only a person with a preplanned educational plan and career track could have done this. I just stumbled into it. I thought a lot of it was being brighter than typical.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Your post brings me right back to @lovely_darlingprettybaby 's post, of the challenge of being able to see that we don't understand some things, yet l don't feel shame for this, nor do l downgrade myself. Sometimes l truly can't see other's emotions, how they respond, and why it needs to affect me when it does truly slam me. Is it even black & white thinking?
How can we see what we don't get, it really takes stepping outside of our normal thought pattern and trying to be unbiased in general, no small feat. Does everybody struggle with this, including NT? Or is black and white thinking a survivalist hack?

(1) Understand that the vast majority of us are not mind readers. We don't have clairvoyance to understand one another, although there are the rare individuals who are gifted at reading all the subtle nuances of non-verbal communication, and may be perceived as empaths, in a way. There are others who are professionally-trained. That said, all we can do is communicate well with each other. When in doubt, respectfully ask. I also understand that for some with social anxieties, this is a big ask.
(2) Part of the wisdom that I have gained over the years, after decades of making mistakes and feeling as if social life was an unpredictable minefield just waiting to blow up in my face, was to ask, give people the benefit of the doubt, give people some grace, and not assume the worst. Before interpreting, you have to communicate with each other.
(3) Assume you don't know, put a pause on your judgement, put a pause on your knee-jerk emotional reactions, then ask.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As I have pointed out previously, as a teen and young adult I could not understand social communication and did not know I was autistic. My lack of understanding was very isolating and I suffered for it.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Perspectives.

As a child I knew nothing about autism, none of us did. I certainly knew I was different though, I knew I was better.

Smarter, faster, stronger, more resilient.

As a child I always thought that this was why other kids picked on me, partly because they were jealous of me and partly racial instinct that says people like me are a threat to their future job security.

Although I have a few social issues I always saw my autism as my superpower and I pity the poor gormless plebs that missed out.

I was in the same era. I knew I was picked on (even beaten up) because I was smarter than most (some of the bullies literally called me know-it-all). But I also knew I was ridiculed for my physical awkwardness, and there was no denying that I was uncoordinated. In my own mind, intelligence was WAY more important than being good at sports, but the other kids clearly didn't see things that way.

I didn't have much in the way of social issues, simply because the older I got, the less social interaction I chose to endure. But I guess growing up knowing I knew better than my tormenters helped steel me to endure the necessesary social interactions I couldn't avoid.

 

[Ken]

And it is good when people understand that and reassure them it will be ok
So if you struggle with unknown, why should I feel shame, that is autistic and I have a disability...

So why and how would that be wrong. What is wrong is telling a disabled person to be less disabled

Very good post!

Actually, there is a word for what you are describing. it is: Umwelt. I read a fantastic book on the subject. it is titled An Immense World. Umwelt is the perception of any organism of their environment. An organism's umwelt is determined, dictated and limited to the physical arrangement and function of their neurons. There are no organisms - including humans - that can perceive everything. Humans cannot see everything a bird can see. Humans cannot smell everything a dog can smell. Does that make humans disabled?

So, reality actually blurs the term "disability". For example, if a bird has a deformed wing making it unable to fly, the bird would be considered disabled. Well, I cannot fly. Does that make me disabled? I don't have any physical means to fly and neither does most other humans so then I would not be considered disabled. In the book, this all goes much deeper. Every individual has different physiology and neurology. Everyone is different - even twins. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone is blind to somethings - Everyone. Autism is a group that has significantly different neural circuitry as to make their perceptions significantly different from the majority of humans. That also means that autistic's sense things that non-autistic's cannot. Most autistic's has sensitivities that is so strong as to be painful, when non-autistic's don't even notice. Non-autistic's are not considered disabled only because they are the majority.

I know a lot of people who are not autistic that is completely mystified by something that is "unknown" to them. I have social blindness. I am profoundly mystified by social elements of people. That is an unknown to me. However, I have no problem understanding mechanical or electrical interactions and find it frustrating trying to explain it to someone who simply cannot see it. Even so, I do not consider them to be disabled.

Indeed, you are right; it is wrong to tell a "disabled" person to be less disabled. In fact, the reality goes both ways. The person complaining about my social blindness could also be told they are disabled since they that cannot visualize mechanical or electrical interactions.

We all all valid. All of us. I think the term "disabled" is used far too loosely.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

(1) Understand that the vast majority of us are not mind readers. We don't have clairvoyance to understand one another, although there are the rare individuals who are gifted at reading all the subtle nuances of non-verbal communication, and may be perceived as empaths, in a way. There are others who are professionally-trained. That said, all we can do is communicate well with each other. When in doubt, respectfully ask. I also understand that for some with social anxieties, this is a big ask.
(2) Part of the wisdom that I have gained over the years, after decades of making mistakes and feeling as if social life was an unpredictable minefield just waiting to blow up in my face, was to ask, give people the benefit of the doubt, give people some grace, and not assume the worst. Before interpreting, you have to communicate with each other.
(3) Assume you don't know, put a pause on your judgement, put a pause on your knee-jerk emotional reactions, then ask.

Items 2 and 3 are what I am trying to teach the autistic boy I am Big Brother to. His antennae are oversensitive to any slight and he immediately wants to go on the attack. Slowly I hope to guide him in understanding that while we have limited control over life's events, what we have control is over our reactions to them.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't understand a lot of things but I don't correlate it with my ASD. Math is the worst, I seem to be extremely poor at math in every way. A few years ago I had a 7-year-old explain a pretty simple division sum to me and I still didn't get it.
But I'm better than average at spelling though. Phew.

 

[Ella Spell]

Do you mean a division quotient? lol