Solitude

[Au Naturel]

There's a famous quote by Schopenhauer -

"A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free."​

I find that to be true of myself. In some limited respects, I value freedom more than I do life.

It is in my nature to be alone. I have limited tolerance for a lot of social conventions. It's not for lack of trying. It isn't something I can just learn, else I would have learned it long ago. COVID and "lockdown" changed nothing for me. My life continued much as it always has.

I suppose this could be a benefit. In times past I might have been an explorer or a mountain man. Many people freak out at being alone for a significant period of time but that is when I get energized.

Despite this, over time the lack of variety begins to wear on me. When I plunge into the social maelstrom it can be a pleasant change but at the same time a reminder that I don't actually belong there. (Acting lessons once a week was about my limit.) Being in company frequently degenerates into stress management. My wife does not hike because of her knees - a fate that may be in store for me in another decade. To have one or two close friends to share some of those hikes with would be nice.

Alas! I do not make close friends frequently and it takes a long time to develop when I do. My supply of close friends has either died, become too debilitated, or simply lost interest in the out of doors.

I guess that's what dogs are for.

Ah well. Happy Festivus!

 

[Aneka]

This might sound paradoxical but...
I never felt freer than during lockdown. I've been at my healthiest, performing sports on a regular schedule and sticking to my natural circadian rhythm.
Regardless, I hope we will be spared another lockdown. I don't want an economical crisis, I want children being able to attend school and get better access to education, I want small businesses and local stores to survives.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I love solitude.
It beats loneliness.
I get paranoid I will lose my home and solitude.
I like the choice of choosing to be either alone, or with people.

 

[Jordy]

Personally i can't handle close relationships, but being completely alone with my thoughts doesn't do me good either.

 

[watersprite]

True for me as well. The installed (?) program from family tells my brain to be happy, content with having a partner. The brain itself doesn’t give much validity to that, though I have attempted to over-ride that. This year shattered another ‘might have been.’ I feel good (it’s my natire), yet I feel a little guilty for that. I agree with you @Au Naturel that it’d be ideal to have a couple of friends. I reach out for a friend but - it is misinterpreted. Apparently my definition of friend has a different set of boundaries than most.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

There's a famous quote by Schopenhauer -

"A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free."​

I find that to be true of myself. In some limited respects, I value freedom more than I do life.

It is in my nature to be alone. I have limited tolerance for a lot of social conventions. It's not for lack of trying. It isn't something I can just learn, else I would have learned it long ago. COVID and "lockdown" changed nothing for me. My life continued much as it always has.

I suppose this could be a benefit. In times past I might have been an explorer or a mountain man. Many people freak out at being alone for a significant period of time but that is when I get energized.

Despite this, over time the lack of variety begins to wear on me. When I plunge into the social maelstrom it can be a pleasant change but at the same time a reminder that I don't actually belong there. (Acting lessons once a week was about my limit.) Being in company frequently degenerates into stress management. My wife does not hike because of her knees - a fate that may be in store for me in another decade. To have one or two close friends to share some of those hikes with would be nice.

Alas! I do not make close friends frequently and it takes a long time to develop when I do. My supply of close friends has either died, become to debilitated, or simply lost interest in the out of doors.

I guess that's what dogs are for.

Ah well. Happy Festivus!

I honed my skills solo backpacking in wilderness areas. Didn't utter a peep for a week, and if I snored the bobcat and mule deer aren't telling. You get to learn if you like yourself, real fast.

Actually, I credit a few of those trips for spurring me to undertake social learning and mature a bit.

Festivus for the rest of us!

 

[Tom]

I sometimes have got the feeling many Aspie's sorta want the best of both worlds. They mainly like being on their own but do want people to be in their life on occasion. But almost in an 'on call' basis.

But I don't think it works that way generally. I think to have people there for you you have to invest time and make commitments to be there for them.

 

[Rasputin]

I sometimes have got the feeling many Aspie's sorta want the best of both worlds. They mainly like being on their own but do want people to be in their life on occasion. But almost in an 'on call' basis.

But I don't think it works that way generally. I think to have people there for you you have to invest time and make commitments to be there for them.

A lady I know at work introduced me to her husband about a year ago, and we both made an effort to become friends. They have a teen aged son who is an Aspie, and they withheld his autistic status from him until recently. I suspect my friend may be on the spectrum, but he is not comfortable with that. Recently, I have noticed that my friend is more guarded than usual in conversations. Then he responded to a comment I made with an air of Judgmentalism and/or superiority that rubbed me the wrong way. That pretty much ended the friendship in my mind, though I did not say anything.

I do not have a close friend, but did have one who passed away about five years ago. Even when I invest time and make an effort to
be a friend, it is very difficult to sustain. I don’t really mind solitude, and I prefer it to fake friendship.

 

[Suzette]

I sometimes have got the feeling many Aspie's sorta want the best of both worlds. They mainly like being on their own but do want people to be in their life on occasion. But almost in an 'on call' basis.

But I don't think it works that way generally. I think to have people there for you you have to invest time and make commitments to be there for them.

I got very, very, very lucky with my husband. He understands my need for solitude as he needs it himself. We can go for weeks speaking little. We need to feel close to one another though so we take the time to nurture each other when needed. Luck. That's all.

@Rasputin, I don't like people like that either. I do my best to see how absurd they are.

 

[Aspychata]

My only marriage- my guy was checking on me because l took off to our only bedroom for alone time. Then 10 years later, he never checked on me. He understand it was recharge time. Lol

 

[Fino]

I need at least 17 hours of solitude a day to properly recharge, not including sleep.

 

[clg114]

I got very, very, very lucky with my husband. He understands my need for solitude as he needs it himself. We can go for weeks speaking little. We need to feel close to one another though so we take the time to nurture each other when needed. Luck. That's all.

@Rasputin, I don't like people like that either. I do my best to see how absurd they are.

I understand. My wife and I have been together for a very long time and she understands me even though she is a NT. She knows that I love her very much, but that I need alone time. When we spend time together, we try to make it count.

 

[Gracey]

I don't function well if I don't get that break from stimuli.

Have spent the last half century surrounded by people. Family, peers, work colleagues.
Solitude not easily found.
Formed some maladaptive habits owing to circumstance.

Some life changes means this next decade offers opportunity to seek some kind of solitude.
More than a walk in nature or retreating to a quiet space for an hour.