social cue : what's your point

[CassLovesBears]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

If yes
Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

I am trying to figure out how both asp and nt perceives social situations
Feel free to put details, I love them and I will read them all

I have trouble with social situations for an uncountable amount of reasons. One major one is what you stated, too much stuff is going on. Often my brain is trying to be in a million places at once.


My brains dialouge:
"What are my hands doing? Should I sit up more? Do I need to try and make better eye contact? Am I starring for too long? Oh shoot I didn't hear what they just said because I tried to focus on their eyes for too long! Does my hair look okay? I think It's my turn to speak... oh no I just spoke over them for 4 sentences, I've ruined this whole conversation."

I often think about my body language and become too overly aware of it. I start to feel my arms dangling which notably feels awkward. Or I notice that I'm not moving my arms/hips enough and don't want to be perceived as some weird robotic walking freak.

I also panic when someone asks me a question because I know sometimes I process things a tad bit slower than others and I don't want them to notice or judge me for it. My worst fear is being perceived as unintelligent because I've always been told the opposite. My intelligence is all I've ever felt like I had to own. Even if I didn't have the highest IQ (I don't know my IQ)I knew that philosophically and logically I am far beyond others in many of ways, as I am lacking also.

I wish it wasn't such a "herculean task" to engage in any human interaction. I am almost in the ballpark of decent with one on one. Although I have a tendency to ramble and not ask other people enough questions.
I desperately want to fit in. I cry nearly 3 times a week wishing I could be like everyone else. I know I'm different for a number of reasons. Others dont seem to be as intrigued by life/existence. For example nobody talks more about trees. Seriously they are WEIRD!! Look at photosynthesis and how they GROW actual LIMBS. So many people look at these things and call them "normal" but it is nothing close to that for me. No one else seems to have such a strong heroic desire either. Many people don't care about when injustice happens or people experience pain. I always wish to save and help others. Id love to be able to spread a message to the world. Especially kids/teens to teach them that they are not only individually beautiful but they are CAPABLE. I want to do grandious things..Everyone else seems so content in letting the world be the way It is.


Lastly finishing off with tone of voice and facial expressions. I am VERY sensitive to tone of voice. If someone's voice is even slightly hostile sounding to me I often form a strong distaste for being around that person. I've always been overly sensitive. All my mother would have to do to me as a child is speak to me meanly and I would cry. Other than that tone of voice isnt really useful or noticable to me unless im trying to discern emotions or if someone is joking or not. As for facial expressions i believe that I'm okay at those. I sometimes get them wrong for instance the deeper emotions. Anger is different from frustration and irritable(but I can't really tell the difference too much). However, I can EASILY identify the top layer emotions (happy, sad,angry,confused,disgusted,surprised).

 

[china autie]

A few people are hyper-expressive and thus their faces and tone of voice are easy for me to read.

Most people, if I don't get them and I want to understand, I ask.

I have been living a very long time. If I don't pick up on social nuances now, well, this is as good as i will get.

Ripping my brain apart over stuff I cannot do doesn't work. Asking people for clarification [sometimes] does.

I am rather fortunate because I am in an autistic-friendly environment most of the time.

I accept what I cannot do. I do not always approve of not being able to do it.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Since socialize much more these past weeks I am learning social cue's much easier now. I know when to talk and now I do talk a lot more than I use it which was saying nothing. Also the people I hang out don't judge me either so I feel more comfortable.

 

[Dreamchild]

I think I don't notice microexpressions (or how anyone could). They are flashes of movement of the edges of the mouth and around the eyes that NT people supposedly process subconsciously to "read" other people's true feelings and motives.

I DO notice other physical expressions of the face and body, but I don't trust them unless they match a person's words. For instance, I can "read" that a person seems upset, but, if they are not acknowledging it, then I assume that they don't want me to see it--so I don't acknowledge it. If they are trying to hide that they're upset, but still hoping that I will acknowledge it and comfort them, then that's too many layers for me to cope with. I usually don't want people to notice if I'm upset, so I assume the same of them and try not to intrude on their personal business.

What I find I can't manage at all is when someone makes a statement and then assumes that I'll understand that they're implying I should do or say something particular in response. If a person says it's chilly, that doesn't tell me how they feel about it, or that they want me to do anything about it. If they get upset later that I didn't turn up the thermostat or cuddle with them in a blanket, that seems really unfair.

I'm definitely not okay with the "unspoken desire" thing. As for missing or misinterpreting other social cues, I'm only upset about the idea that I might be missing things that could improve my relationships with people, especially if I'm being unaware of something like flirting. Romantic interest seems to be a game of subtle hints, but I don't trust anything that's not overt.