social cue : what's your point

[heavenleeblue]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

If yes
Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

I am trying to figure out how both asp and nt perceives social situations
Feel free to put details, I love them and I will read them all

 

[BraidedPony]

Tone of voice and facial expressions help alot when accompanied by words.
Then i have to figure out if they are being sarcastic or not.

 

[inkfingers]

I generally don't pick up on tone of voice/ facial expressions unless it is in people I know well (like my siblings and my parents) and even then, it has taken me a very long time to figure them out. Other times, I might understand the tone of voice and facial expressions, but I usually don't respond appropriately.

In a social situation, I'm usually thinking about how boring the conversation is, or thinking about how to respond in a socially-acceptable manner, or if I just shouldn't respond at all to a comment. Or I'll be trying to figure out how to end the conversation and escape the horrors of socialization. Sometimes I'll be wondering if I'm talking too much about myself (I think I tend to overshare) or if I'm being mean on accident, or if I'm acting weird. Sometimes I'll force myself to pay attention to what the other person is saying so that I'm not being rude, but other times I'm planning my escape, or wondering when they'll stop talking.

I avoid pretty much all social situations because they are so exhausting for me. Too much socialization gives me autistic burnout, and paired with sensory overload, leads to a meltdown...

 

[heavenleeblue]

Tone of voice and facial expressions help alot when accompanied by words.
Then i have to figure out if they are being sarcastic or not.

Is it accurate to say that you have learned to pick em up but the issue is about figuring out?

 

[Jojo_LB]

Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

All of them.

My neurology just makes it very, very challenging to socialize.

I have a flat-ish tone of voice. My "happy tone" (on the rare occasion I'm happy about something) sounds just like my normal flat tone. And my facial expressions range from inexpressive to "deeply thoughtful" to "annoyed." So, not many ranges there. I hate looking at anyone in the eyes. If it's someone close to me, I can look at them for maybe, like, three seconds at a time.

I am extremely introspective. Those who know me best may even claim that I am obsessively introspective. I just find the things in my own head way more interesting and comforting I get bored easily by others' topics of conversation. Or, I may be interested at first, but once they keep talking about it for two more minutes, I'm lost. I can't keep up with talking to more than one person. A few reasons for this. I get bored, as I mentioned. I get easily distracted. And I have serious sensory issues. I can't focus on anything being said if people are talking fast, or if more than two people are in the conversation. The words don't mean anything to me anymore. I am the only one who keeps asking to repeat themselves, or for clarifications.

I used to care about stuff like this, but I've spent three decades caring and trying, so I just don't have any energy left. I'm just going to do what is comfortable and natural to me from here on.

 

[Tom]

Its kinda hard to say. I have been experiencing it but not so much analyzing it. Like playing a sport, things happen to fast or you just react without thinking about it too much. But one thing that comes to mind is when I am with people I do not know well or at all, I feel like I am operating in two modes simultaneously. One is trying to be in the moment, relaxed, like I am with someone I know or in a familiar social situation. The other 'me' is not engaged but analyzing the person and situation for social clues. I don't know if that is ASD, NT or both.

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Problem? What do you mean by "problem"? My social issues are the greatest features i have. They keep bad influences away. Human feelings teint your analysis of certain stimuli. Keeping emotion and mob mentality at bay is easier when no-one is around.

 

[tree]

Problem? What do you mean by "problem"? My social issues are the greatest features i have. They keep bad influences away. Human feelings teint your analysis of certain stimuli. Keeping emotion and mob mentality at bay is easier when no-one is around.

Why do you bother posting in forums then?
What's the attraction?

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Why do you bother posting in forums then?
What's the attraction?

I never "involve myself" in anything. I only type words to satify my human need for "social interaction". I hate the fact that humans are "social animals", and the fact that i'm human makes me incessantly disappointed, but it seens that i can't do much in this matter. Maybe i'll be able to overcome this in the future, finally freeing myself from this unecessary complication.

 

[the_tortoise]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

Tone of voice and facial expression help me out a lot when I can't follow/figure out words....they give me something to go on so I can try to respond in an appropriate, often generic (because I don't actually understand what has been said), manner.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Depends on the interaction.

 

[Michael Balog]

I can’t understand facial expressions unless it’s someone I know very well. Tone of voice is so important for me to get what’s being conveyed cause I’m usually so distracted by everything going on around me to notice facial expressions or body language. Sarcasm is extremely hard for me to detect and understand whats really being said so I try and avoid social situation were there are a lot of people I don’t know.

 

[Thinx]

I'm quite good with recognising facial expressions and tones, this may be luck and also that I watch and listen a lot. I am not always as good at producing expressions or tones.
I can look quite blank. I lose eye contact under stress and prefer less eye contact always.

If I am focused on others then I am usually interested and dare I say empathising. In unstructured social interaction however I feel a bit lost and will find an observer position when possible.

 

[Progster]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

Yes, I do.

If yes
Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

All three of these - too much going on and not able to process in real time, an inability to pick up on body language, facial expression and to recognise a social cue, an inability to fill in implied information. All my energy and concentration is put into speaking and trying to organise my thoughts in a coherent manner and into expressing myself so the other person will understand. I'm not focused on social information or metamessages when I'm speaking. I wasn't aware of the importance of focusing on these until I was diagnosed and I started reading about Asperger's. Not that I wasn't aware that body language or facial expression convey social information, more that I wasn't aware of the need to look out for micro-expressions of other subtle social and emotional cues, or ememes, when talking. Also, lack of awareness of my own body language and facial expression and what signals they are conveying to others. Socialising involves communication on many different levels, both verbal and non-verbal; it involves using and coordination different skills in different parts of the brain - multitasking, and I just can't do this.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

I'm processing what they are saying, when they mean and then my thoughts and reactions and how I can express them, and how I can express them in a 'safe' or acceptable way. By which time the conversation has moved on. I don't understand banter or a lot of jokes people make. Words take a little longer to register, they don't 'hit' my brain until a second or so after the person speaks, by which time someone else has started speaking and I don't get to speak. I generally can't participate in group conversations.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

I used to, because I wanted to be able to join in discussions and to be able to exchange opinions, ideas, etc. Not so much any more. I don't go out much, and if I do, I go with my partner or a family member ant they do all the talking. I sit there not talking unless someone asks me something or makes an effort to include me. I get very bored and switch off from the conversation. I get up and wander around after a while, or go home.

Edit: I don't necessarily avoid going out or socialising, but my not being made to speak if I don't want to, and being able to get up and wander or walk around, or go home early are conditions to my accepting to go along.

 

[Khendra]

I don't have problems with tone of voice or facial expressions, but I struggle with other social cues. For example, sarcasm/humor needs to be quite obvious (vocal tone helps a lot here), or else I take it literally. I also tend to interpret others' motives too harshly, or when I get very fired up over a controversial issue, I may not understand that someone doesn't want to continue with a difficult or challenging topic. The other one I have trouble with is initiating a social encounter and action; I tend to be quiet even when people expect me to start up a conversation or do something that others expect should be obvious for me to do. It can make me look very cold and aloof and distant, or perhaps even lazy.

 

[FreeDiver]

Problem? What do you mean by "problem"? My social issues are the greatest features i have. They keep bad influences away. Human feelings teint your analysis of certain stimuli. Keeping emotion and mob mentality at bay is easier when no-one is around.

You do have a point here. From what I've been told, peer pressure is one of the most powerful influences a person can experience in their life. I've seen a lot of the other students at school fall into this trap with some nasty consequences to boot. For example, I remember the football champ at school. He was hansom, the number one guy at school and girls would fall all over him. One day he contracted AIDS/HIV and died at the age of 26. But the really bad thing about this is, is that he managed to spread it to 15 other girls in the process. Other issues I've seen are narcotics use and running afoul with the law as well.

 

[Kirsty]

I used to care about stuff like this, but I've spent three decades of caring and trying, so I just don't have any energy left. I'm just going to do what is comfortable and natural to me from here on.

Right on point. I’m the same, but I crave company, not false ones. It’s better to have a cat or dog. I know, sounds negative, but after three decades of caring, trying and being disappointed, isn’t it a positive to do what is comfortable and natural.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

If yes
Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

I am trying to figure out how both asp and nt perceives social situations
Feel free to put details, I love them and I will read them all

See link below.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I'm not focused on social information or metamessages when I'm speaking. I wasn't aware of the importance of focusing on these until I was diagnosed and I started reading about Asperger's. Not that I wasn't aware that body language or facial expression convey social information, more that I wasn't aware of the need to look out for micro-expressions of other subtle social and emotional cues, or ememes, when talking.

ememe - Wiktionary

 

[Solphire]

I have studied and learned a lot about body language (eyebrows, mouth), and tone of voice of the other person. However I have to work so so hard to not only mirror their face and tone, and the strength it takes me to maintain eye contact, I generally can not connect what the actual conversation is.

Has anyone else had to repeat word for word in your head what the other person is saying just to stay focused and an attempt to care about they are saying?

 

[Ylva]

Do you have issues with social skill like the tone of voice and facial expression?

If yes
Is it that you don't have the capacities to see them(blank), or there is too much going on for you to pick the cue(distracted|overloaded), or you never figured out it was important to focus on these.

If you are introspective, what is on your mind when you are in a social situation(feeling, though, a pattern of thought.

Do you mind having this issue, do you try to avoid these situations where you would need these skills?

I am trying to figure out how both asp and nt perceives social situations
Feel free to put details, I love them and I will read them all

I have been paying more attention to voice tones and face shapes since I got my diagnosis. It's not that I didn't know they were important to people before, it's just that they don't carry a whole lot of meaning. I could decipher a handful of them before and haven't seen much improvement.

I don't think in social situations. My mind goes blank, and if I think about anything I enter the mode where I'm "in my own world" and I've long since learned not to enter that mode around social-seeking people. They get very handsy.

I have studied and learned a lot about body language (eyebrows, mouth), and tone of voice of the other person. However I have to work so so hard to not only mirror their face and tone, and the strength it takes me to maintain eye contact, I generally can not connect what the actual conversation is.

Has anyone else had to repeat word for word in your head what the other person is saying just to stay focused and an attempt to care about they are saying?

It's hard to listen to smalltalk or people talking about their lives. I forget what they said almost immediately. It's rude and I feel guilty about it sometimes, but there's not much I can do about it.