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Sex for an aspie?

I don't know what it is like for an NT because I'm not one, but, it seems to be something of great importance. Men who get ED go wild looking for a cure or a pill that costs $15.00 a pop. (pun intended).
It doesn't seem to be as big an issue for some NT women, but, I've only found a few that called themselves 'fridgid', otherwise most of them are on the hunt too.
The amount of people who go to the Meet and Greet places is remarkable. I never went to one even when I was young. I've heard a joke about being in one where there is the 12 o'clock rush, the 1 o'clock panic and the 3 o'clock desperation when all the girls start lookin' real pretty.
geez.
I have a theory on why so many of us have an aversion to sex and it goes along with the eye contact issue.
Think of many of our traits- sex aversion, hugging, handshakes, greetings, eye contact, tactile issues, even food and pickyness.
These all involve a type of connectedness.
Which is a type of intimacy and most of us really don't want to be that close with others.
They say we only need one friend.
For me and a lot of us that is pretty true.
Not all. We're all different in our own ways.
And I may hear this from some here. Probably will.
But, if you roll it all up and that includes sex,
you are looking at things that fit into a bonding with others catagory. Even if the sex is not for love, just
a one time thing. There is still a reason it is needed and needed with another human. Otherwise self satisfaction would suffice.
They made the Forty Year Old Virgin into a movie.
How about moving that age up a bit? Quite a bit! :oops:
 
I have difficulty with basic intimacy such as hugging, even my own mother, but if I cared about someone enough I would probably push through the sensory things and lack of a sex drive in the first place for them. I myself, have not found anyone I am close enough to for this to happen. So I'm sorry that I can't provide any details on the matter...
 
For clarity, are you asking about the physical act itself? What does it feel like?

Or are you asking the much more complicated question about emotions and psychology of sex?
 
I like sex (and hugging, too, where appropriate*). It was great before her depression (and anti-depressant side-effects). I think our ASD hypersensitivity can amplify its impact. I've certainly seen it amplify the effect of positive pheromones.

But I don't desire sex so much that I'm willing to violate my marriage to get it. I will just have to wait until her depression is dealt with effectively or she abandons me (availing me to someone else) whichever comes first.

*I like [non-sexual] skin-to-skin contact as appropriate with relatives and friends, too. This feature is found in newborns, too. A facet of PDD, perhaps?
 
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Can't compare as I've never been NT. I like sex, the only difference I've found with my other female friends is that casual sex is easier for me because I can separate the emotion from the physical pleasure easier than they can.
 
I don't know what it's like as an NT, but I know that I am a VERY sexual person. I think I am l definitely more sensitive to touch than any of my partners I've been with. I also have a REALLY high sex drive. I've had so many partners get upset because they're afraid that but I'm going to cheat or leave them because I want to have sex way more often than they do. (Have they never heard of masturbation?) But yeah, In think it varies depending on the person.
 
Well, I hope I get to see how it feels one day. This is what happens when you don't socialize especially with women.
 
Well, I hope I get to see how it feels one day. This is what happens when you don't socialize especially with women.
Dating like an NT didn't work for me. It turned out to be more organic for me to just get involved in groups that I normally would have, even if there was no promise of meeting a girlfriend. The ones that you do meet (there) will already have common interests and be easier to talk to.

The other part is that you will need to bear a certain amount of responsibility in relationships for them to be reasonably successful. Hanging with your peer group can help you to build that ability, too. (For long-term relationships, women, generally, aren't attracted to guys who don't offer some level of emotional support. It makes you come off as high-maintenance.)
 
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The physical part, coming from a virgin.

This is a difficult question to answer. For one thing, it would be describing physical sensations (textures, pressure, smells, etc.) which are very subjective. Maybe someone else can try that part.

That said, the physicality of sex is greatly defined by being in closer contact with another person than anything else. It is literally full body touching, and during intercourse, you are actually inside your partners body. Every smell, breath, touch, texture, strand of hair, movement, noise (no matter how quiet) is perceivable.

I feel safe saying that this experience is highly individualized (whether NT or ND) based on that particular person's desire for and tolerance of all the sensations involved.

For most people, this level of physical intimacy, along with the all the body/brain chemical responses involved make it very difficult to separate the physical and emotional parts of the experience.

OK, I guess that's the best answer I can come up with. Which doesn't really answer the question.
 
I think we need an NT response here also to explain what they feel and why they desire it.
This could then be compared to the Aspie responses.
Being Aspie I don't know what it is like for the NTs.
 
Dating like an NT didn't work for me. It turned out to be more organic for me to just get involved in groups that I normally would have, even if there was no promise of meeting a girlfriend. The ones that you do meet (there) will already have common interests and be easier to talk to.

The other part is that you will need to bear a certain amount of responsibility in relationships for them to be reasonably successful. Hanging with your peer group can help you to build that ability, too. (For long-term relationships, women, generally, aren't attracted to guys who don't offer some level of emotional support. It makes you come off as high-maintenance.)
Well, I'm very independent and I don't want the emotional baggage in a relationship. I'm going to college concentrating on my studies. I don't have time for a close relationship. Maybe just casual dating? I don't know.
 
Well, I'm very independent and I don't want the emotional baggage in a relationship. I'm going to college concentrating on my studies. I don't have time for a close relationship. Maybe just casual dating? I don't know.
That kind of relationship requires one to be more adept at guile than is usually found on the spectrum.
 
That kind of relationship requires one to be more adept at guile than is usually found on the spectrum.
Not necessarily, it's very possible to be blunt about just wanting something casual and to find someone wanting the same. A lot of people don't have time to focus all their energy on a relationship, but do want some closeness every now and then. One of my fondest "relationship" was with a friend with benefits. We were both super busy but just hung out for gaming and pizza when our schedules allowed it, and sex if we both happened to be in the mood.
 
As a (mostly) NT with an aspie partner, for us I find it pretty balanced. He has had a lot more experience in his life (partially because of the way he was raised, partially just because he's older than me), and has taught me a lot when it comes to sexual experiences. We both very much enjoy such activities. It's worth noting that he does not have very many of the stereotypical aspie tactile issues. He has issues with touch if he is agitated, but being agitated doesn't really have a place in our bedroom, so it has never been an issue.

The one big difference I have noticed between him and other partners is that he is either 'in the mood', or not interested at all. There doesn't seem to be an in between, or a warm up to it time. I am used to it now, but that can be a problem for a lot of women.

Casual dating and/or sex has never been my thing, personally, so I can't comment on that specifically, other than to provide this caveat: be honest with any potential partner. Make sure she knows and agrees with the fact that you're not looking for a committed relationship. Never, ever lead someone on just to get in bed with them. That's the worst thing you can possibly do. Honest and straightforward is the only way to be when it comes to any type of relationship, serious or casual- especially when it comes to sex.
 
I'm a virgin and I never dated. I do get aroused by women wearing shorts and sandals though (especially with socks! Not kidding)
 
Susan said it for me... Its not that I don't like sex, or want it at all. Its just a massive mental challenge for me. Physically no issues.

Eye contact, tactile issues and lots of them - no way in hell is someone sticking their tongue in my mouth.
Being honest since we are being very open it seems...

For me.... Let me fall asleep and then wake me up to the situation and things go actually very well.

I think its like a brain hack... Plus I don't have the chance to really get all flustered over the weird stuff that people call fore play. I cant deal with it much... It's sad really, but I just cant focus, my mind is freaking out cause all these boundaries are being crossed and it's just ... wow.

Sounds stupid and I get that but for me it works well, but if a tongue in mouth is involved, other than my own... it over for me. Why? I have no clue...
 

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