Sex for an aspie?

[Brizo]

I like the physical part but stroking, caressing and cuddling are not for me, after sex when my wife would like to cuddle for ten minutes I am more concerned about getting into the shower.

 

[I_Forge_Steel]

I am glad someone started this thread. I am 31 and a virgin. I haven't just not had sex, I have never dated, kissed, held hands, etc. It is a relief to know that others have difficulty. I feel like I would not have intimacy issues as such if i got to a level of trust with someone, it is the social interaction that comes first that would kill me. I have a really hard time talking to people in person.

 

[Strong and kind]

I am an NT woman with a high sex drive. I've had a one-night stand with a guy who told me he was Aspie and it was great. (Hoped to see him again, but he got scared).

Then, my ex who I dated for 7 months...Aspie and somehow the sexiest man I've ever known. He is super sensitive but uses his senses to be sensual. To explore. He never spoke to me about sensory overload; if he had, I would've understood and been more careful...

If I were to search for common denominators with these two men - and compare to the many NT men I've had sex with, both of them had a kind of guile-less honesty and natural facial expression that really turned me on. They weren't passive, but also seemed refreshingly present and...allowing, for lack of better word. No drama, no cajoling, no stereotypical gender talk. The straight-forwardness and again, letting me do whatever I wanted without feeling like I was too aggressive - it was amazing. Everyone's different, but my two experiences were both really good. Sex seemed easier for them both than cuddling and hugging, but it didn't seem to bother either of them.

Hope this wasn't oversharing. Just one perspective.

 

[Strong and kind]

I think we need an NT response here also to explain what they feel and why they desire it.
This could then be compared to the Aspie responses.
Being Aspie I don't know what it is like for the NTs.

I think everyone's experience of sex is different, but here's my NT perspective: it can be many different things for me. I can have great sex with someone I find attractive - and why I find them attractive is sometimes really mysterious - even though we may not have much to talk about or feel love for each other. Weirdly, I do feel a kind of affection in the mere adoring of someone's body, and I take pleasure in their pleasure. But I'm not jumping into bed with just about anyone; kissing or touching the wrong person is revolting to NTs too!

However, for me, if I know my lover and really like them, if we have shared experiences, laughter, or even challenges together, the sex takes on another dimension. I know my body well so I have no problem getting satisfied with any chosen lover, but if there's an emotional component, it feels very different. I'm more vulnerable, more connected, and it feels safer and more nurturing because we are experiencing more of each other than just the body. To feel that love inside and express that with touch, stroking, kissing, sex, feels amazing to me to give and receive. But it's pretty rare to come across.

 

[Chance]

I like the physical part but stroking, caressing and cuddling are not for me, after sex when my wife would like to cuddle for ten minutes I am more concerned about getting into the shower.

Meee too... I just feel like I have to clean up and that is probably wrong, but it has to happen soon.

 

[SusanLR]

I gave it a try several times with guys I was really attracted to and felt emotions for, but, the physical acts that were involved just never did anything for me.
Just being with the few I've found I really liked and felt a connection with was sufficient.
I think this is related to my inability to trust people.
Pun on words here, but, how can you really open up to someone if you don't truly trust?
So it's back to the wall. Geez, I should be a special effect in Pink Floyd! (on the dark side of the moon.)

 

[Jonathan Lees]

i generally dont like physical contact like hugs from people or eye contact but with partners its the total opposite i become very loving, attentive etc.
i figure i hide that part of myself from most people, if ive taken the time to get to know someone on a deep personal level and connected with them then the barriers come down (though this happens very rarely).

penetrative sex with these special people ive opened up to is very physically enjoyable but tbh im more comfortable with oral sex since penetrative sex has always felt a little weird i.e a lot of sensations for me to cope with at the same time even if very enjoyable. i love foreplay and i gain so much pleasure from giving pleasure to a partner.

basically for me its only ever going to happen with the rare special people i connect with and with them any sensory issues etc. dont really matter since its all about them.

 

[Shiznown]

I don't know what it's like as an NT, but I know that I am a VERY sexual person. I think I am l definitely more sensitive to touch than any of my partners I've been with. I also have a REALLY high sex drive. I've had so many partners get upset because they're afraid that but I'm going to cheat or leave them because I want to have sex way more often than they do. (Have they never heard of masturbation?) But yeah, In think it varies depending on the person.

Sooo, are you single? Ahhh, bad joke haha. I have a super high sex drive as well.

 

[Shiznown]

The main issue I have with sexual issue with a partner is, I prefer oral sex over penetration. Although, I enjoy both. I cannot date a woman that doesn't like performing or receiving oral sex. Yes, this has become an issue before.

 

[Shiznown]

I love touching and being touched. I don't like one night stands, but I can enjoy sex with a female friend. There just needs to be some sort of caring for me to be into it.

 

[CyborgSpaceKitten]

I love touching and being touched. I don't like one night stands, but I can enjoy sex with a female friend. There just needs to be some sort of caring for me to be into it.

omg Rocky Horror.

 

[hutchie]

Burn out, exhaustion, pressure, I do have a skin problem too, but to doctors it hasn't met clinical criterior in the past, i was going to see a doctor again this week with another issue i have now, things are different for me now since being aspie.

 

[Crossbreed]

..., things are different for me now since being aspie.

What were you before...?

 

[hutchie]

Before diagnosis, otherwise, a bit simple

 

[ovpt]

impossible to say what the differences are between NT and HFAs as everyone is different

personally being HFA, i like touch, pda, and sex with someone i am into. maybe since i dont get alot of feedback from understanding the more subtle body language cues.

as for everyone else, i dont like hugging etc

 

[Jet Weiss]

I enjoy sex. I am an Aspie who is sexually active with an NT boyfriend.
I think it is different for everyone though, regardless of whether or not they are Aspie, HFA, LFA, NT, etc...
For me personally, I need to have a very strong emotional connection to the person I am sexually active with and I need to find them aesthetically pleasing as well.
I also enjoy cuddling, spooning, kissing, hugging, hand-holding, sharing a bed, etc. but only with my boyfriend.

We have a friend who likes to cuddle with everyone "platonically." He will often sit on our laps and randomly ask for hugs. I didn't know what to make of it at first. He smacked my ass (affectionately) the other day and that was weird. He is quite demonstrative.
My boyfriend is very affectionate by nature and will hug just about anybody, lol.
Our other friend who is an Aspie doesn't like to be touched at all, especially not by other guys (we refer to him as the token straight friend ) If you put your arm around him he will move your arm away. When someone is touching him he looks panicked and disgusted.

I should add, previous to this relationship I had never had sex and was somewhat opposed to it. I knew I was ready at this point though.

 

[4gottenLoreKali]

I wouldn't know because I'm a virgin, so I'm sorry that I can't reliably answer that question. However, I do have a number of fetishes that most would consider freakish or unusual, so if I were to have sex I would love to incorporate them, regardless of whether my partner is on the spectrum or neurotypical. I'd imagine he or she would be more open-minded toward these kinks if they were the former.

 

[paloftoon]

I like the physical part but stroking, caressing and cuddling are not for me, after sex when my wife would like to cuddle for ten minutes I am more concerned about getting into the shower.

Do you communicate this to her? That's not something she might realize. You might want to approach it a bit different too. Be like after I shower, we can cuddle. Or, if you like oral, ask her to clean you up orally first, then cuddle (or shower then cuddle) so that both of you can feel more pleased.

 

[paloftoon]

I think for every aspie, it could be different because some aren't very sensitive, maybe to the point where they "feel nothing", and others might be hyper-sensitive. I'm sure there are some that are neither too.

 

[Flygirl]

Sorry a bit late to this party...
As an NT Women.. the physical sensation , I would equate to the Caldera of a Volcano.
Every nerve ending aflame and pulsating, the slow build up of that intensity, starts as a flutter, and then winds up to an almost intolerable vortex of sheer pleasure resonating throughout every fibre of my being.
To feel you inside me, filling me up, touching my very inner core, there are no words that exist to describe that...ever.!
And as the build up reaches its final crescendo, my very being turns to molten lava and assails every sense, even some I did not know I had!
And the Afterglow...Wow..!