Cicadidae
New Member
I've always felt different from others. For me, it was like I was a sheep living in a world of wolves in sheep's clothing. They all act normal and carefree, whilst I'm horrified to interact with them because they all look like predators and I'm prey. Of course, I'm the only one who notices this. In an attempt to appear normal, I imitate them but they're still suspicious of me. It appears I didn't act as "Normal" as I thought.
(To prevent this from being longer than it already is, I'll loosely go over my traits and characteristics)
Ever since I was little, I was always strange and distant from others. At school, I'd often carry the same facial expression; That of someone pouting. I'd often look down on the ground wherever I went, in an attempt to not look at people. I didn't notice how weird that was until someone pointed it out after they overheard students talking about it behind my back. I was also the subject of bullying. Sometimes it was harmless teasing, such as trying to get me to smile or laugh, but other times it was malicious. I was pushed around and insulted by others in an attempt to make me cry or yell. If it wasn't for my facial expressions, it was for the way I dressed. I often dressed comfortably, so my sense of fashion was lacking. Making friends around elementary was a little easier because, from my experience, kids aren't so quick to judge odd behavior and topics of conversation aren't as strict. As I got older, making friends became more difficult. While most teens knew how to interact with each other, I found myself to have the same mentality, when it came to talking, as I did in elementary school. I had a hard time reading the mood and reading people's intentions which only made me feel gullible and stupid. When a situation is too hard for me and I'm overwhelmed, I start to cry in order to calm myself down. That, or I lay down as soon as possible (Not sleeping) to recuperate. This behavior was fine as a kid, but I have the same reaction as an adult. This especially happens when I'm forced to look at someone. I often went out my way to hide my problems from my family because my sister, who started showing signs of mental abnormality, was treated differently. I have a hard time trusting others and am only content when I'm with my family. I can't even go outside alone without having one of them by my side. For years I've tried to expose myself, after much encouragement from therapy, to the public by forcing myself to look at others in the eye, talking to others, and trying to go outside alone. Nothing helped. I only became more self aware of my problems the older I got. Despite all of that, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety even though a lot of my characteristics not falling under that category. These problems have made it extremely difficult for me to get a job or even do basic tasks. Recently, I found out about the symptoms of Aspergers and was shocked to learn how similar the traits are to how I act. I wanted to find out if I truly have it. I went to see my general physician, told her about my story, and asked to get a referral to see a psychologist only to be told that it's a phase and that I'm just shy; That I need to train myself and try harder. She stated that she was "Shy" just like me and that she got rid of it by talking to people and doing activities, all in which I've done to better improve myself to no avail. I don't know what to do at this point, and a lot of people find it hard to believe my predicament. If that wasn't enough, I've also learned that females with Aspergers are often misdiagnosed or overlooked because they don't share the same characteristics as their male counterparts. Am I really on the spectrum? Am I just shy?
(To prevent this from being longer than it already is, I'll loosely go over my traits and characteristics)
Ever since I was little, I was always strange and distant from others. At school, I'd often carry the same facial expression; That of someone pouting. I'd often look down on the ground wherever I went, in an attempt to not look at people. I didn't notice how weird that was until someone pointed it out after they overheard students talking about it behind my back. I was also the subject of bullying. Sometimes it was harmless teasing, such as trying to get me to smile or laugh, but other times it was malicious. I was pushed around and insulted by others in an attempt to make me cry or yell. If it wasn't for my facial expressions, it was for the way I dressed. I often dressed comfortably, so my sense of fashion was lacking. Making friends around elementary was a little easier because, from my experience, kids aren't so quick to judge odd behavior and topics of conversation aren't as strict. As I got older, making friends became more difficult. While most teens knew how to interact with each other, I found myself to have the same mentality, when it came to talking, as I did in elementary school. I had a hard time reading the mood and reading people's intentions which only made me feel gullible and stupid. When a situation is too hard for me and I'm overwhelmed, I start to cry in order to calm myself down. That, or I lay down as soon as possible (Not sleeping) to recuperate. This behavior was fine as a kid, but I have the same reaction as an adult. This especially happens when I'm forced to look at someone. I often went out my way to hide my problems from my family because my sister, who started showing signs of mental abnormality, was treated differently. I have a hard time trusting others and am only content when I'm with my family. I can't even go outside alone without having one of them by my side. For years I've tried to expose myself, after much encouragement from therapy, to the public by forcing myself to look at others in the eye, talking to others, and trying to go outside alone. Nothing helped. I only became more self aware of my problems the older I got. Despite all of that, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety even though a lot of my characteristics not falling under that category. These problems have made it extremely difficult for me to get a job or even do basic tasks. Recently, I found out about the symptoms of Aspergers and was shocked to learn how similar the traits are to how I act. I wanted to find out if I truly have it. I went to see my general physician, told her about my story, and asked to get a referral to see a psychologist only to be told that it's a phase and that I'm just shy; That I need to train myself and try harder. She stated that she was "Shy" just like me and that she got rid of it by talking to people and doing activities, all in which I've done to better improve myself to no avail. I don't know what to do at this point, and a lot of people find it hard to believe my predicament. If that wasn't enough, I've also learned that females with Aspergers are often misdiagnosed or overlooked because they don't share the same characteristics as their male counterparts. Am I really on the spectrum? Am I just shy?
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