paul64
New Member
It was a diagnosis a long time coming as I had always been looking under the mental health umbrella, where I did finally identify the mainly "O" OCD at 25. By then, I was an alcoholic a dozen years into the habit. There many weird one-off episodes with me, a litany of discarded special interests, and a pattern of falling apart every time I pushed too hard socially, particularly group living where it was always a matter of time before I freaked out and fled.
I quit substances again and again, and sobriety would very quickly translate to my being a nearly-agoraphobic recluse. I am sober six years now. I attend AA more to socialize at this point.
I feel approximately 15 years old and more ridiculous than ever on the always one-date-only spectacle which clearly goes nowhere because of noticeable ASD quirks. I really wonder if I would have ever had a relationship or sex at all if nor for alcohol. And while I can deal with being alone a lot better at this age, I am not *this* introverted or "done" with romance.
Along with all the substances came, of course, a conscience full of dents and wholes. The Aspie explanation is certainly preferable to my "I'm evil" narrative throughout life, but on the hand, it's incredibly painful to realize how many incidents now look like my being mocked or worse and how unrealistic my daydreams were. I am glad I know, but I'm not sure what to think or where to turn in terms of any positive change in the years remaining.
I'm mainly curious whether this tale resonates with anyone and, if so, any thoughts you may have.
I quit substances again and again, and sobriety would very quickly translate to my being a nearly-agoraphobic recluse. I am sober six years now. I attend AA more to socialize at this point.
I feel approximately 15 years old and more ridiculous than ever on the always one-date-only spectacle which clearly goes nowhere because of noticeable ASD quirks. I really wonder if I would have ever had a relationship or sex at all if nor for alcohol. And while I can deal with being alone a lot better at this age, I am not *this* introverted or "done" with romance.
Along with all the substances came, of course, a conscience full of dents and wholes. The Aspie explanation is certainly preferable to my "I'm evil" narrative throughout life, but on the hand, it's incredibly painful to realize how many incidents now look like my being mocked or worse and how unrealistic my daydreams were. I am glad I know, but I'm not sure what to think or where to turn in terms of any positive change in the years remaining.
I'm mainly curious whether this tale resonates with anyone and, if so, any thoughts you may have.