• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Self-diag Aspie at age 58

paul64

paul64

New Member
It was a diagnosis a long time coming as I had always been looking under the mental health umbrella, where I did finally identify the mainly "O" OCD at 25. By then, I was an alcoholic a dozen years into the habit. There many weird one-off episodes with me, a litany of discarded special interests, and a pattern of falling apart every time I pushed too hard socially, particularly group living where it was always a matter of time before I freaked out and fled.

I quit substances again and again, and sobriety would very quickly translate to my being a nearly-agoraphobic recluse. I am sober six years now. I attend AA more to socialize at this point.

I feel approximately 15 years old and more ridiculous than ever on the always one-date-only spectacle which clearly goes nowhere because of noticeable ASD quirks. I really wonder if I would have ever had a relationship or sex at all if nor for alcohol. And while I can deal with being alone a lot better at this age, I am not *this* introverted or "done" with romance.

Along with all the substances came, of course, a conscience full of dents and wholes. The Aspie explanation is certainly preferable to my "I'm evil" narrative throughout life, but on the hand, it's incredibly painful to realize how many incidents now look like my being mocked or worse and how unrealistic my daydreams were. I am glad I know, but I'm not sure what to think or where to turn in terms of any positive change in the years remaining.

I'm mainly curious whether this tale resonates with anyone and, if so, any thoughts you may have.
 
1684113388803.png
 
Hello and welcome. I’m glad you have found us, and I think you will find kindred spirits here.

I am in recovery and doing well for the first time ever. I’ve “quit” drugging and drinking so many times but I wasn’t ready. Learning about autism and finally making sense of my sober brain has given me the chance of a lifetime and I am happily taking it.

Let us know if you need any help finding your way around here.
 
Welcome to the club. We talk about everything here. There are quite alot of us getting through things. And a lot of support. Alot of success stories, people accomplishing many things, new jobs, new relationships, discarding toxic parents, training dogs for competitions, university students. Somebody retrofitted a truck into a home, and Nitro does all kinds of revamping of various antiques. One person is successfully living off the grid, and we have read his story getting there. One person wants to move to Portugal. Really interesting group of ND people with many interests.
 
Welcome. I discovered I was autistic not until I was almost 64. It was quite a revelation. So many things in my life now made sense.

Congratulations on your sobriety. That’s not easy.
 
paul64 said:
It was a diagnosis a long time coming as I had always been looking under the mental health umbrella, where I did finally identify the mainly "O" OCD at 25. By then, I was an alcoholic a dozen years into the habit. There many weird one-off episodes with me, a litany of discarded special interests, and a pattern of falling apart every time I pushed too hard socially, particularly group living where it was always a matter of time before I freaked out and fled.

I quit substances again and again, and sobriety would very quickly translate to my being a nearly-agoraphobic recluse. I am sober six years now. I attend AA more to socialize at this point.

I feel approximately 15 years old and more ridiculous than ever on the always one-date-only spectacle which clearly goes nowhere because of noticeable ASD quirks. I really wonder if I would have ever had a relationship or sex at all if nor for alcohol. And while I can deal with being alone a lot better at this age, I am not *this* introverted or "done" with romance.

Along with all the substances came, of course, a conscience full of dents and wholes. The Aspie explanation is certainly preferable to my "I'm evil" narrative throughout life, but on the hand, it's incredibly painful to realize how many incidents now look like my being mocked or worse and how unrealistic my daydreams were. I am glad I know, but I'm not sure what to think or where to turn in terms of any positive change in the years remaining.

I'm mainly curious whether this tale resonates with anyone and, if so, any thoughts you may have.
Click to expand...
People with autism spectrum disorder have a higher rate of addiction than neuro-typical people. Congratulations on 6 years of sobriety!

I have also gone from thinking "I'm a bad person" to finally understanding that I am just different. I think a lot of ND's feel like they're "bad people" just because they are judged so harshly for not conforming or fitting in. I felt like so many teachers and other authorities thought any non-normal behavior of mine was a deliberate choice - an act of rebellion or something - when it was really me just not having a clue and missing social cues.
 
paul64 said:
It was a diagnosis a long time coming as I had always been looking under the mental health umbrella, where I did finally identify the mainly "O" OCD at 25. By then, I was an alcoholic a dozen years into the habit. There many weird one-off episodes with me, a litany of discarded special interests, and a pattern of falling apart every time I pushed too hard socially, particularly group living where it was always a matter of time before I freaked out and fled.

I quit substances again and again, and sobriety would very quickly translate to my being a nearly-agoraphobic recluse. I am sober six years now. I attend AA more to socialize at this point.

I feel approximately 15 years old and more ridiculous than ever on the always one-date-only spectacle which clearly goes nowhere because of noticeable ASD quirks. I really wonder if I would have ever had a relationship or sex at all if nor for alcohol. And while I can deal with being alone a lot better at this age, I am not *this* introverted or "done" with romance.

Along with all the substances came, of course, a conscience full of dents and wholes. The Aspie explanation is certainly preferable to my "I'm evil" narrative throughout life, but on the hand, it's incredibly painful to realize how many incidents now look like my being mocked or worse and how unrealistic my daydreams were. I am glad I know, but I'm not sure what to think or where to turn in terms of any positive change in the years remaining.

I'm mainly curious whether this tale resonates with anyone and, if so, any thoughts you may have.
Click to expand...
I can definitely relate. Had a drinking issue, but gave up that along with cigarettes cold turkey and never looked back. Now, I focus on my family and understanding myself and the Autism that affects my life.

Socially...I'm the same. I've tried to be sociable and fit in...it never worked for me. I still feel that I'm 18 and workout like a man possessed...and end up injuring myself instead.

I can definitely relate.
 
Welcome Paul, my story is quite similar to your own except that I never developed an addiction to alcohol. I was a huge drinker, I just never developed the addiction. And just like you, for me alcohol was a necessary social lubricant. Without it I was too introverted and had no social life at all.

I did however have a very successful career and one hell of a social life. Until I was in my late 30s I lived a rockstar lifestyle, then I burnt out. I ran away and lived in the rainforests like a wild man for a few years and it took me a long time to return to society, but without people around I no longer needed alcohol.

As for relationships, I finally met someone who is just like me. For the first time in my life I think I have found what I've always been looking for. So don't give up, there really is someone for you out there somewhere.
 
HI and welcome to the Forums - better to be diagnosed later than never. I was diagnosed at 65.

Enjoy the ride of self discovery
 
Outdated said:
Welcome Paul, my story is quite similar to your own except that I never developed an addiction to alcohol. I was a huge drinker, I just never developed the addiction. And just like you, for me alcohol was a necessary social lubricant. Without it I was too introverted and had no social life at all.

I did however have a very successful career and one hell of a social life. Until I was in my late 30s I lived a rockstar lifestyle, then I burnt out. I ran away and lived in the rainforests like a wild man for a few years and it took me a long time to return to society, but without people around I no longer needed alcohol.

As for relationships, I finally met someone who is just like me. For the first time in my life I think I have found what I've always been looking for. So don't give up, there really is someone for you out there somewhere.
Click to expand...
That's interesting. Exactly. At around 30, I was becoming incapable of maintaining the alcoholic lifestyle, too, but I eventually found my way a benzodiazepine habit that masked everything -- including the benzodiazepine habit! -- and allowed me to socialize as long as I was on it, of course. You can probably guess how that worked out!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom