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Self Deprecating Humor

Yeshuasdaughter

Yeshuasdaughter

You know, that one lady we met that one time.
V.I.P Member
Self deprecating humor is defined as playfully, harmlessly making yourself the butt of the joke. Acknowledging your own faults and making a lighthearted joke out of them.

For instance, when getting out my insulin supplies, I sometimes pronounce the word diabetes as "Dah-bee-tus" in an overly campy, stereotypical southern drawl.

Another example is that if I'm having a really hard time walking, I'll say something playful like "Uh oh! This horse has gone lame. Time to put her down."

It has nothing to do with insulting one's self. If anything it's playful, toying at the line between political correctness and the stating the obvious truth. It's something relatable.

And to me it shows that no one's perfect, and that our flaws make us unique. And that we should laugh instead of beat ourselves up.

I wonder if other aspies use self deprecating humor in their everyday lives as well? It is a great way to diffuse tension, and also make light of our weaknesses, turning them into mirth.
 
When someone says something about me that is unflattering and "might be" true, my favorite response is,
"Hey, I resemble that remark...!"
 
At my old retail job, I would overhear people claiming that I was "crazy". One day I noticed our ladder cart needed repair. I went to a manager and told them that I had something to confess. They braced themselves for whatever they thought I would say. I proceeded to tell them that the cart and I had something in common. He looked confused by then. "We both have a screw loose", I explained. (Having a screw loose is a term around here for being crazy and the cart literally had a screw loose.)
 
When I went to vote last week, a poll worker asked me if I was still riding my bike. I said I was, but added that it didn't run as fast as it used to. Then I got to talk about it some more, expanding some perceptions.
I've also had some good luck when I sense that I'm becoming the butt of a joke by doing a parody of myself, The message becomes quite complex, and I feel accepted.
 
FayetheAspie said:
At my old retail job, I would overhear people claiming that I was "crazy". One day I noticed our ladder cart needed repair. I went to a manager and told them that I had something to confess. They braced themselves for whatever they thought I would say. I proceeded to tell them that the cart and I had something in common. He looked confused by then. "We both have a screw loose", I explained. (Having a screw loose is a term around here for being crazy and the cart literally had a screw loose.)
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I sometimes describe AS with the analogy of an array of around thirty screws in our brains. If one is loose, people say "they have a screw loose." If several are loose, the brain has to re-wire itself around the missing links, borrowing and adapting other brain areas. If most of them are loose, language is absent. For the "several loose" case, the person is functional, but how they function depends on which selection of screws are loose, and by how much.
 
Agree. Don't take yourself too seriously. Have that sense of humor about yourself. Call yourself out on your own BS. Be humble. Admit mistakes. Understand that your perspective is going to be different than another's.

If others sense that you are taking yourself too seriously, it's an opening for an attack upon your sensitivities and weaknesses. If you have a sense of humor about yourself, you automatically neutralize their attempts to hold power over you.

Having said that, there can be a tipping point, within the context of depression, where one can be "beating oneself up", you begin comparing yourself to others, "I am ugly, stupid, fat, etc." "Everyone hates me". This sort of behavior is serious, and if you are in that state of mind, it's really difficult to pull yourself out of it. Your sense of "reality" is horribly biased.

1. Humor can not only be good medicine, but it is the best defense against the "dark arts" (Harry Potter reference).
2. If the people around you are toxic and dragging you under, get new people.
3. Take control of your life and your attitude towards it. Do not allow others to hold power over you.
 
I do think it's healthy to see the humor in less than pleasant situations and not take ourselves or others too seriously. At the same time, too much self deprecation can be an unhealthy defense against feelings of inferiority or rejection. Self deprecation mixed with confidence seems okay, but self deprecation mixed with a very low self esteem can become problematic.

I have been guilty of making fun of myself quicker and more harshly than anyone else could. If I got the worst joke out first, no one else could and that felt less hurtful. It can also be a way to gain sympathy - tearing yourself down can spark a supportive and reassuring response from others. Neither of these two things is a mark of a healthy self perception, and over time it was detrimental to me.

My opinion is based on the fact that I've misused self deprecation during a time that I had very poor self esteem. In a healthier person, I can definitely see the value in being able to have a little laugh at ourselves and not taking things too seriously. May we always be somewhat gentle with our own self deprecation, though.
 
Life is much too important to take seriously. I have made that idea an integral part of me since my teens.

One of my shirts illustrates a bit of self depreciation. yellowshirt.webp
 
I have a slightly different take on the use of self-deprecating humor. I used to have a friend who has what I believe to be histrionic personality disorder, maybe narcissistic personality disorder, too. She constantly uses self-deprecating humor to be the center of attention whenever she is around other people. She's funny, people laugh, and she never stops. Having known her for 60+ years, I've heard every one of her stories and jokes a million times. They aren't funny to me. They're just a way to manipulate and control others.
 
I'm shy, do not want to be centre of any humour related experiences. Suppose being quiet, reserved was my way for most of the years.
I'd say I was more on defensive side, even resorting to indicating where others could have human downfalls.
 
Odd to think these days I might be more prone to humorously admit to having OCD and how it impacts my daily life.

But then giving it more thought I'm glad I made such a concerted effort to keep it to myself! ;)
 
Like Rodafina said, i don't think it is a healthy exercise for people with low self esteem.
A confident person who knows their worth not taking themselves seriously is one thing, beating yourself up verbally as a joke is another.

I used to think of myself as seriously dumb and worthless so i don't do that. I read somewhere that what you say about yourself, even as a joke stays in your subconscious mind. When you say something too much, you start to believe it. This is true at least for me.
 
The earliest known use of the noun perplexion is in the early 1500s. OED's earliest evidence for perplexion is from around 1500, in Mary Magdalene. perplexion is a borrowing from Latin.

I have being very uptight, often analysing stuff said for long time to decide, I am perplexed person. In that my understanding of side effects is altered to point of arguing with doctors. My injections are therefore done on lower back as I won't take my pants off and display my buttocks. I won't change in public bathroom at gym, rather shower at home! I won't take probiotic that lists flatulence as side effect: that's insane!!!

It's necessary to learn to assert oneself ND not allow oneself to be co-herced into situation that one states not interested in. Asking me more than 2x with answer no is a form of harassment, nagging or trying to manipulate me into sexual experiences or to make a public clown out of myself.
 
Yeshuasdaughter said:
Self deprecating humor is defined as playfully, harmlessly making yourself the butt of the joke. Acknowledging your own faults and making a lighthearted joke out of them.

For instance, when getting out my insulin supplies, I sometimes pronounce the word diabetes as "Dah-bee-tus" in an overly campy, stereotypical southern drawl.

Another example is that if I'm having a really hard time walking, I'll say something playful like "Uh oh! This horse has gone lame. Time to put her down."

It has nothing to do with insulting one's self. If anything it's playful, toying at the line between political correctness and the stating the obvious truth. It's something relatable.

And to me it shows that no one's perfect, and that our flaws make us unique. And that we should laugh instead of beat ourselves up.

I wonder if other aspies use self deprecating humor in their everyday lives as well? It is a great way to diffuse tension, and also make light of our weaknesses, turning them into mirth.
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I used to, it was as far as I reflected part of fawning response to appear easy going for others - helping them feel good about themselves. Very codependent mechanism to appease, and in my opinion typical for those of us on the bottom of social food chain.

Usually yes it's about diffusing tension, but as far as I observed it's for the sake to make the other more comfortable with us- which means prioritising their comfort over self respect.

But then when I started looking at the thread of abuse and power struggle where people treated me like crap I acknowledged that part of it was due to behaviours like this one. So I changed. Stopping those jokes was one of the things.

By how you treat yourself you show people how they can treat you.

Ever since, I never let any abuse or people treating me bad. Yes, it makes me appear less "cool" but at least I'm looking out for myself not for others in these dynamics.

Not saying the same pattern is yours, but I've been observing it in others and usually this has been the case. Especially women..

Don't get me wrong, I don't treat myself seriously and am not too precious. I love to laugh and claim my awkwardness without making any fuss. But I learned what lightens my humour or what behaviour are self demeaning that one does to appease others. The latter I no longer cater for. They have to sort out their own tensions and discomforts. It's no longer my business to make others feel good about me.
 
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gigi1919 said:
Especially women..
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It really depends on context.

The following is a running joke in our marriage...
When we were first married, my wife had some (benign) brain tumors.
Later in our marriage, they did an MRI of her brain to see the status of those tumors. The tech said they found "nothing there...!" 🧠

I do not think that my wife is dumb, but we both laugh at that report. ;)
 
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I've probably been bad and have used it before to soften a blow before anyone else could strike.
This subject makes me mostly think about how I'm grateful to have grown up in a setting where we can joke around a lot. I like to have room to make fun of my siblings a little.

I've been in some households where no one could ever do that or else... the whole house would go kaboom and there'd be some serious feelings hurt. All it does is make the jokes I have about them in my mind, that much more delicious and tempting. Actually, sometimes it means that they've got some serious hush hush, sometimes sad or serious things going on historically in their family which can make me so nervous... Anyway, I find it fascinating that self deprecation could be used chronically in a manipulative way.
 
Neonatal has some good insights on this phenomenon.
In my own case, the self-deprecating comments I make get warped by my ADD, I think. Poor executive function = poor emotion control, even if for just a moment. In the vast majority of the day's time, the self-deprecating comments are about minor issues and are pretty funny to me. But when I've done something quite boneheaded, counterproductive, or something that negatively impacts others, I can go way over the top in self-destructive comments. It's all within 30 seconds, then I realize it's not the end of the world. Repeat.
 
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