Same sex relationships

[Dirtdigger]

Have a good day everyone.

 

[Axeman52]

Sexuality isn't this black and white in reality.

If what you were saying were always true, then you'd probably find that in all lesbian relationships the women are both very masculine, and in all gay relationships the men are both very feminine. This is not the case.

I think there might be a certain extent where people dress in a way that contradicts other people's perception of their gender identity, as a way of making a visual statement about their sexuality. I don't think dressing more like the opposite sex necessarily attracts the same sex, but I imagine it would help to let others know what your sexual preference is.

That said, I know a gay man who finds effeminate men (the Alan Carr type) repulsive - he really, really hates them. Different people have different preferences, regardless of their sexuality.

 

[Ereth]

I hope no one gets mad.

You're a little late for that, but whatever.

My question is: If Lesbians aren't attracted to men, then why are they attracted to women who dress like men? This has always been very puzzling.

Lesbianism is no more one-size-fits all than any other sexual orientation.You're dealing with a stereotype, as Axeman said.

 

[bentHnau]

My question is: If Lesbians aren't attracted to men, then why are they attracted to women who dress like men? This has always been very puzzling.

In this lesbian's mind, there is no such thing as dressing like men. There is no inherent relationship between certain cuts, textures, or hues of cloth and men. The entire concept of "men's clothing" is an artificial construct to which I do not subscribe.

 

[AsheSkyler]

It's gotta be the naughty bits. It's the only thing I can figure.

I like men's clothing. It's practical. Women's clothing is a literal pain in my butt. And so cold! Men's clothing doesn't have little holes cut all into their shirts to make a "cute" design that lets every freezing cold breeze right on in. So I divide clothes into two categories: practical and masochistic.

 

[Peace]

I understand your question, and know that you meant no harm. I was poorly educated when it came to such things and I struggled for many years wondering about them. But it was actually what I had been taught that had been the problem that created the question. If you did not expect people to dress a certain way, you would not have such a question.

 

[AdamR]

I understand that your question is well-intended. I'll bite.

As has already been pointed out, not all lesbians go for partners with what Western society views as a masculine appearance, and not all gay men go for partners who look/dress in ways popularly thought of as feminine. If it seems this way to you, it may be because those are the couples that stand out to you as being gay, or that you (perhaps even wrongly) assume are gay because of the stereotypes we've all been fed. What you aren't seeing are the untold numbers of gay and lesbian couples all around you who don't fit the stereotypes, and therefore just probably appear to you as platonic friends.

For those who do choose partners who don't adhere to the standards of appearance prescribed by society for their own sex, there are too many reasons to list. I know one lesbian who likes "butch" women because to her they are the best of both sexes but with the plumbing she likes better. I know a gay man who likes almost outlandishly effeminate men because they make him feel protective and strong. Every individual has their own ideals of beauty and what is sexually and emotionally appealing. If you look at straight men and women, you'll find just as wide of a range of tastes, including straight women who like "pretty" men and straight men who like more tom-boyish-looking women. It's not about your orientation, it's about what pleases your eye and your own sensibilities. Or really, and in the best examples, it's about what the person is like inside the package.

Hope this helps.

 

[Kirsty]

It's gotta be the naughty bits. It's the only thing I can figure.

I like men's clothing. It's practical. Women's clothing is a literal pain in my butt. And so cold! Men's clothing doesn't have little holes cut all into their shirts to make a "cute" design that lets every freezing cold breeze right on in. So I divide clothes into two categories: practical and masochistic.

Yeah, I've always thought women's clothing was 'cold' or after washing tops, they creep up your body as they shrink a bit, making us more uncomfortable. I can never find a cosy jacket in winter, for example, and end up finding loads in the men's department which look great and look more expensive when they're not.

 

[Meg]

Seems to me, as I also was a tom boy and still prefer many men's garments( they are much more comfortable), I understand the confusion and hiding your more muscular frame. However, what I can' t quite understand is why you would ask a question and risk putting yourself on the line only in my mind to latter retract and end the conversation citing an eye opening article. If you are honest and true in your question, you seem to be a bit confused and even maybe scared that these sterotypes mean that if you wear men's clothing or enjoy what society considers as predominately male activity in some way you must be gay. As others stated previously sometime the sterotype is a bit truthful but rarely. Your sexual preference is not dictated by you interests and hobbies any more than your hunger is dictated by the third moon of Saturn. Yes correlations can occur, but unless you dressing like the opposite gender is stating your sexuality blatantly in words on your shirt, they are seperate. And maybe lesbians dress comfortably, they don't have to worry about showing off for men, I myself am straight yet I dress how I feel comfortable if you saw me I may fit that sterotype we have been fed of butch looking. The best thing to do is just dress comfortably and not bother with what others may think.

 

[Meg]

I honestly did not mean to offend you. I am sorry. I thought that as this forum is for aspies that we would all understand differing opinions and realize that we can be a bit direct. I intended to share my confusion with you as a conversation, but you are the one asking not to be ganged up on and yet you are the one using all caps as if yelling. I am sorry I don't understand what you seem to be asking I will go to another thread now. Good luck. And I apologize for my word choices.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I remember one rather confusing topic that came up in a gay bullying discussion elsewhere. One fellow said he was having trouble finding acceptance from parts of the gay community because the "extreme gay" as he called them were being mean to him for "conforming to traditional gender roles" because he didn't act really girly and campy, and some women were having the same issue if they didn't present themselves as manly as possible. I never understand that kind of thing. If you're happy and not hurting anybody, what does it matter how you dress or act? Although I guess if I understood society, I'd be allistic and not autistic.

Yeah, I've always thought women's clothing was 'cold' or after washing tops, they creep up your body as they shrink a bit, making us more uncomfortable. I can never find a cosy jacket in winter, for example, and end up finding loads in the men's department which look great and look more expensive when they're not.

Gah, the creeping! I'm long-limbed as is, finding any women's outfits for me that go all the way to the hand or foot is nearly impossible. It makes me itch constantly when I have a sleeve halfway up my forearm. Men's jackets are wonderful! They're thick and bulky and nicely warm. All the women's stuff is tight and thin. I don't know if we're expected to be indoors all the time, or they think all women are in a constant state of menopause and quite capable of producing their own heat.

 

[Kirsty]

Tight and thin - exactly! I'm always cold. Doesn't help. Winter is a nightmare for me. I literally cover head to toe in mostly men's wear outside and sometimes carry a hot water bottle under my clothes lol. Better than thermal tops. I see others going about with flesh showing, or tights (again, that's thin material) it's just not warm enough.

 

[Meg]

I agree and I have also noticed that women's clothes is sometimes made out of less stretchy and more itchy fabric.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Strangely, I prefer winter to summer because that's the only time I can stay warm. I hate summer because of the air conditioners set on 60F or lower when it's 80F+ outside, I don't have a jacket that I can put on when I'm indoors. But during the winter, it's cold everywhere, so I can where multiple layers and be cozy all the time. And I can sleep with four or five thick blankets like I love to do, it's too hot for that during the summer.

I actually bought some thermal undies last year. Men's in the end, not women's. Fun story. I go to the store, make the mistake of going to the women's section, grab the size recommended based on my hip size, and eagerly put them on when I get to work. They are so tight in the legs I literally lost blood flow below the knee and from calf down I was numb and tingly, and then the dang things were falling off at the waist! Aside from being tall, I am very normally built for a female. They had to be designing for a bowling ball on toothpicks! I take them off after thirty minutes, return them after work, and go to the men's section like I should have to start with. All the little guys my size have already gotten tired of freezing their danglies off and bought out that size, so I had to go the next size up. And to my surprise, it was comfortable in the leg and fit at the waist! I bought two pair. I wrote the company that they don't know squat about female anatomy and that I hoped they never alter their men's line.