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Replaying social interactions of the day, and from further back

M

MountainTrails

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have done this as far back as I can remember.

At some point I find myself replaying events of the day in my head. I am a very harsh critic of my behavior. If an interaction did not go well (in my opinion), or if it was unpleasant, I can have a physical reaction: I grimace, and actually recoil or flinch in shock/horror/whatever.

I have also had this reaction when remembering events from long ago.

Curious who else does this.
 
I tend to obsess over any social mistakes or awkward moments for days afterwards. If I notice I've done something wrong I will unintentionally grimace or shake my head, and if I unexpectedly think or an upsetting moment I hit myself in the head... which I'm guessing is a sort of tick, I don't do it on purpose. Basically awkward social situations just make me look nuts.
 
Do it all the time, keeping myself awake at night. It's related to the past and re-interpreting it, or if I've had a conversation with someone or will have an interaction with someone. Often, I'll worry about making a social 'faux pas' and either say the wrong thing or want to account for every eventuality ahead of time. It's the not wanting to make a mistake of any kind that leads to sleepless nights, and it's tiresome. More and more I wish I could turn it off, and not concern myself about it so much.

If I get lots of exercise that day, and get projects completed, then I sleep better.
 
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Me too. Always. I can replay a conversation gone bad for days. Not always a helpful process, but it is what it is for me. Especially if it involved a lot of sarcasm, which I can have difficulty in properly interpreting.
 
Yes, but over the years I have developed the outlook that failure is simply an opportunity to do better next time. So I evaluate and strategize in a proactive way and no longer spiral into self criticism that has a negative result.
 
I have done this forever. Its not bad to savor a nice moment, but too often becomes obsessive endless replaying of bad events. I had to get counseling about it at some point. Its a very hard habit to break.

Whatever you do try and avoid the negative. Anything past 1-2 reviews of an event is sign of it going south and taking your mental well being with it.
 
I've done it for a long time. Yes, I ruminate on these things for sometimes years if they're bad enough. I've also noted that when I ruminate I then tic, usually either a hard blink or a grimace of the mouth. It is the albatross around my neck.
 
I do it too. I have to be careful I don't unexpectedly grimace in front of anyone else if I recall a bad memory in presence of others. That just creates another unpleasant moment in my history of social misadventures.

Often, at night, I will replay certain interactions in my head until I can figure out what I could have done better, and then I replay the "corrected" scenario to comfort myself until I fall asleep. Like, "Yeah, that's the way it really happened." Self-delusion is a great tool. :p
 
The one downside to my quest for self-awareness has been to go so far back in my life...sometimes 30 and 40 years ago to revisit social errors I made, much to my own detriment. It's tough...and I don't like being so tough on myself. But I also can't seem to avoid doing so. I can't change the past and I know it. Yet I continue to revisit it. I guess it's my nature. :confused:
 
Yes!! I have always done this. And I will act out the whole scene while I'm in the shower or in front of the bathroom mirror, and change the ending to what I'd wish I would have done instead. I've found that this behavior in myself helps me to react better in future situations. It helps me think faster on my feet.
 
Yes, I do it all the time.

Its nice when it was a good interaction, I catch myself smiling or giggling.

Not so much if it was an awkward one, or a bad one :(
 
I replay interactions, especially really confusing ones.

Mostly as a way to make sense of them (sometimes it takes years, or they just remain confusing forever) and/or check for things I missed.

But sometimes I replay them just because I'm deeply affected by them in some really positive or really negative way.
 
I'm always going back in time, I believe it makes everything comes together like pieces to the puzzle, you finally get to see every aspect of what's been missing.
 
Yes, me too. My mind continuously plays my past to the extent that I am tormented by my thoughts most of the time. Past experiences pop into my mind from nowhere and can be extremely intrusive, even bad memories from my childhood are still very vivid and deeply felt.

I've been like this all my life and find the least social interaction I have the better, as there's less chance of something coming back to haunt me. I prefer to 'hi and bye' people and shuffle off - I am out several times a day with my dogs so cannot avoid people altogether. I realise that's the best people will get from me:) and I no longer feel quite so bad about it.

Walking away from an every day conversation can leave me exhausted and my internal post conversation analysis can drive me barmy - but I know I am what I am, for good and for bad and try to be 'nice' to people and I try not to think too much.

I recall talking to a fellow dog walker recently and she told me she used to think I was 'unfriendly'. That made me realise how I am perceived by others and although I cannot change my behaviours massively, it did make me think.
 
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The best way to overcome a social horror is to replace it with another one :eek:. This doesn't require any effort; it happens by itself, like clockwork ;).
 
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DuckRabbit said:
The best way to overcome a social horror is to replace it with another one. This doesn't require any effort; it happens by itself, like clockwork.
Click to expand...

Ow, sorry. Social faux pas are no fun, but don't let it get you down. Some of it is just the "tyranny of the neuromajority." Normal is a statistical fiction, and that we're behavioral data outliers is just-- well, it doesn't define me as a person.
 
I replay anything that happened in the day, if it was unusual. Both to figure out what happened and what should have happened. I recall staring out the window of a coffee shop on a cold, rainy day, the lady next to me said that she had just come back from somewhere that was always warm and sunny. Years later, it finally dawned on me that I was supposed to reply "oh, where was that?": she was trying to initiate a conversation!

One thing I try to remember is that everyone goes through this, to some extent; the French even have a phrase for it, l'esprit de l'escalier: finding the right words after the interaction.
 
I hate this! I do it, too, and it leads me into relationships with people who are not like me at all. This is how it goes.

Someone will be nice and I try to return it. It goes badly so I ruminate and want to make it up. This leads to maybe a note. The person shows no interest and I am confused. Then they are all nice to me AGAIN and invade my space. I am thinking maybe they did like the note.

Then there is a few days where we are normal interaction, like Hi/Hi! How are ya? Good!

THEN I have a bad day and I am NOT connected with that person or anyone. They say Hi and I walk away....I can tell they are confused.

Then the day after I have a GOOD day and want to make it up and let them know I was NOT trying to get attention or manipulate them the previous day.

So then I say HI and want to explain my previous day. If I do that, people just back away forever. If I say nothing, they back away. In short, wanting to fix the bad days screws me royally but I don't want them to not be my friends.....like I am 12.

By now they are doubling confused and I am getting pissed that they ever invaded my space by even saying hi!

So the next day I am pissed and looking mad. Now they are triple confused and I am EXHAUSTED and can't stop thinking about how to make this right.

See how it goes?? Is this just me and my pathetic brain?

And it never stops, trying to fix it, trying to fix a bad day's interactions, trying to connect........just leave me the F alone.
 
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Yer, I do this.

It's worse after social interactions where I am more anxious than usual.

What is most frustrating is that I manage to spot numerous social faux pas after the fact quite easily.
 
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