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"Rejection is part of life"

Gerald Wilgus said:
Here is the solution. I wish I had this when I was interested in dating.
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I'm somewhat decent at flirting (even if not as good as a neurotypical)

My bigger problem is I don't know how to take it to the next level.

One thing that would make it a lot easier for me is if a woman had an interactive screen above her head that told me: Is she looking for me to ask her out? Or is she just flirting (with no intention of doing anything beyond flirting)?

Edit: So to backtrack somewhat on what I just said, I guess it isn't so much that I don't know how to take it to the next level. It's more that I don't know whether to take it to the next level.
 
tree said:
You're having one of those days/weeks again.

For a while you were moderately optimistic.
The new medication supported that attitude.

Now you are in that well worn cycle of negativity.
Again.
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Have you considered Bipolar ? There does seem to be a cycle of some kind.
 
tree said:
You're having one of those days/weeks again.

For a while you were moderately optimistic.
The new medication supported that attitude.

Now you are in that well worn cycle of negativity.
Again.
Click to expand...

I can't necessarily speak for those who are bipolar, however with having chronic clinical depression over the years I've gotten so that I pay close attention to my "down" cycles and make a point to ease up on myself, particularly to mitigate the inevitable negativity. And when and where possible, not to make critical decisions at that time.

That while we cannot absolutely stop the cycle of negativity, we can recognize when it comes, and attempt to adjust accordingly in the best way we can. In this instance it may be helpful not to post such negativity, all to keep it at bay so to speak.

Venting is only helpful up to a certain point. Beyond that, for those of us experiencing various forms of long-term depression, you are just indulging your "down cycle" and perhaps that of others with similar conditions.
 
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I'm sorry that people have been rude. Please try to find positive things to think on. ❤️‍🩹
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Won't speak to her until Wednesday then I got another car ride from hell with my mother after not good.
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I was thinking these probably weren't new topics,
that it was likely you've been having an on-going
conversation. It's a *right-now* experience of
feelings you're having though.

Wednesday.
That's day after tomorrow.
 
FeatherBird said:
I'm somewhat decent at flirting (even if not as good as a neurotypical)

My bigger problem is I don't know how to take it to the next level.

One thing that would make it a lot easier for me is if a woman had an interactive screen above her head that told me: Is she looking for me to ask her out? Or is she just flirting (with no intention of doing anything beyond flirting)?

Edit: So to backtrack somewhat on what I just said, I guess it isn't so much that I don't know how to take it to the next level. It's more that I don't know whether to take it to the next level.
Click to expand...
I sure had that same issue. When I first met my future spouse, we were sharing my ride to a trail maintenance trip and while planning for it became friends. Still I was reserved because I wanted her to feel safe with me. She was deft in figuring out I was shy and gently guided me into our relationship. By the fifth night I had feelings for her and thought she felt the same especially when she suggested we share my tent. I felt so very safe that I professed my love for her and asked if she would like to make love . . . and I almost blew that when my mind panicked at damaging our friendship until she patiently quelled my anxiety. I never felt so accepted in my life.
 
@Tony Ramirez

I do not get how you think you understand my intensions, with what I wrote. Not even familiar with the term gas lighting sorry 70 year old man. I thought I was responding to a woman with a feminist agenda. Did not take much notice of who it was. After all I am a fellow Aspie.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I sure had that same issue. When I first met my future spouse, we were sharing my ride to a trail maintenance trip and while planning for it became friends. Still I was reserved because I wanted her to feel safe with me. She was deft in figuring out I was shy and gently guided me into our relationship. By the fifth night I had feelings for her and thought she felt the same especially when she suggested we share my tent. I felt so very safe that I professed my love for her and asked if she would like to make love . . . and I almost blew that when my mind panicked at damaging our friendship until she patiently quelled my anxiety. I never felt so accepted in my life.
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I suppose I could always ask a woman out after a flirt session to get my answer to the question of whether she'd like me to ask her out.

I can't bring myself to though. If it turned out the woman wasn't looking to be asked out, I'd blame my autism for the misreading on my part (and I'm extremely self-conscious about my autism)
 
FeatherBird said:
I suppose I could always ask a woman out after a flirt session to get my answer to the question of whether she'd like me to ask her out.

I can't bring myself to though. If it turned out the woman wasn't looking to be asked out, I'd blame my autism for the misreading on my part (and I'm extremely self-conscious about my autism)
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But, just think, sometimes it's no better to be safe than sorry. If you have been bold enough to flirt and enjoy it, perhaps you can leverage that good feeling to ask her out . . . it could be something simple. You do not want to be a regret collector as I had been. I think with her flirting with you she is feeling safe and has already chosen to engage with you, so I do not think she views you negatively. When I professed my love for my future spouse, I went waaaaaay, way, out of my comfort zone and I have no regrets. The worst thing did happen when my anxiety started getting the better of me but when she patiently explained that we were taking our friendship to a new dimension, I knew she was the one for me (I already valued her intelligence, independence and interests). Good luck @FeatherBird, I hope that you will find happiness, and a good relationship. Don't self reject.
 
FeatherBird said:
I suppose I could always ask a woman out after a flirt session to get my answer to the question of whether she'd like me to ask her out.

I can't bring myself to though. If it turned out the woman wasn't looking to be asked out, I'd blame my autism for the misreading on my part (and I'm extremely self-conscious about my autism)
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My impression (base on reading many, but not all of your posts on this) is that you're only familiar with part of the process.

If you don't know how to "close", you should work on that for now.

Also, just so we're clear, there's widespread use of deliberate false signals in this game. If you're handling the "opening" and the "middle game" well, but always failing in the endgame, I suggest you review your entire process.
 
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Gerald Wilgus said:
But, just think, sometimes it's no better to be safe than sorry. If you have been bold enough to flirt and enjoy it, perhaps you can leverage that good feeling to ask her out . . . it could be something simple. You do not want to be a regret collector as I had been. I think with her flirting with you she is feeling safe and has already chosen to engage with you, so I do not think she views you negatively. When I professed my love for my future spouse, I went waaaaaay, way, out of my comfort zone and I have no regrets. The worst thing did happen when my anxiety started getting the better of me but when she patiently explained that we were taking our friendship to a new dimension, I knew she was the one for me (I already valued her intelligence, independence and interests). Good luck @FeatherBird, I hope that you will find happiness, and a good relationship. Don't self reject.
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I have a decent amount of experience asking out the opposite sex based on (what I thought were) clues. Nearly every time, I turned out to be wrong about the (apparently meaningless) clues.

So I have valid reason to distrust my ability to gauge a woman's interest level.

I've heard others say the same thing as you (that rejection is better than regret). That's a valid mentality; I won't stop anyone from holding that mentality. I don't share your mentality, however.

There have been some instances through the years where (in hindsight) I might have really had a shot, yet I never found out (because my phobia of rejection prevented me from making my move)

It sucks to think of what could have been. Yet what sucks way more (for me at least) is the humiliation of getting rejected by a woman I seriously thought was into me. That's the biggest humiliation I've ever been subjected to. By far.

I haven't asked out a woman I actually know since 2012. Everyone I've asked out since then has either been online, cold approaches on total strangers in public, or asking out a woman at an organized singles event.

The fact I haven't asked out a woman I know in over a decade speaks volumes of how much I cannot bear the thought of having to cross paths with a woman after a possible rejection.
 
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