I'll just be doing something I love, like Garry's Mod, joining an army of Team Fortress 2 characters fighting the other side, then without any warning, some random sad thought or experience I've had in the past will hit me in the brain, and I just start slowing down, falling like a rock into unnecessary sadness...
Nothing's wrong in my life, except we're in the last battle for Sophia to come home and I'm nervous about it, I have a house, which I prayed for, and I have what I need... but for some reason I have this unnecessary thievish urge to just cover myself in blankets, suffocate my weight in potato chips or something diabetics eat for blood sugar, and quietly, noiselessly pump tears for something completely other-dimensional to my situation, and it pops up at the most random times.
I don't have any suicidal thoughts, it's not that bad, but I will have crying spells when this happens. I remember once I was in a fierce war with depression; I would spend whole days in my room with three blankets over me and a bag of potato chips next to my face, never once moving except to go to the bathroom. My sister would come in some times and do things to make me feel a little better, but I didn't want her to fight a battle she had no business in.
Like I said, I'm not to the point where I feel like I need to be in the BHH, but I don't very much like feeling that heavy, hot-tub-water feeling in my chest when I think of the day of my grandmother's funerary service or my parakeet dying. I'm not on any antidepressants either (I don't think my doctor wants me to be on any either, because she hasn't mentioned them) but I've heard those usually make things worse, so I don't know. A lot of the time, if the random depression is bad enough, I'll find somewhere no one will bother me and just spill it out, pulling myself together after it's over, and I've found that it REALLY helps when it's over; you know how you'll be carrying something twice your body weight and when you finally put it down you know you can catch your breath? It's similar to that.
I hope I'm not the only one with this problem.
Nothing's wrong in my life, except we're in the last battle for Sophia to come home and I'm nervous about it, I have a house, which I prayed for, and I have what I need... but for some reason I have this unnecessary thievish urge to just cover myself in blankets, suffocate my weight in potato chips or something diabetics eat for blood sugar, and quietly, noiselessly pump tears for something completely other-dimensional to my situation, and it pops up at the most random times.
I don't have any suicidal thoughts, it's not that bad, but I will have crying spells when this happens. I remember once I was in a fierce war with depression; I would spend whole days in my room with three blankets over me and a bag of potato chips next to my face, never once moving except to go to the bathroom. My sister would come in some times and do things to make me feel a little better, but I didn't want her to fight a battle she had no business in.
Like I said, I'm not to the point where I feel like I need to be in the BHH, but I don't very much like feeling that heavy, hot-tub-water feeling in my chest when I think of the day of my grandmother's funerary service or my parakeet dying. I'm not on any antidepressants either (I don't think my doctor wants me to be on any either, because she hasn't mentioned them) but I've heard those usually make things worse, so I don't know. A lot of the time, if the random depression is bad enough, I'll find somewhere no one will bother me and just spill it out, pulling myself together after it's over, and I've found that it REALLY helps when it's over; you know how you'll be carrying something twice your body weight and when you finally put it down you know you can catch your breath? It's similar to that.
I hope I'm not the only one with this problem.