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Hi all! I'm a neurotypical (well, sort of- I do have bipolar disorder and some autistic traits) who is here not for myself but for my fiance. He is high functioning enough to hold down a job, and is jaw-droppingly intelligent, but he sometimes has trouble expressing himself (especially when he is not feeling well). He is currently not well, and I am trying to figure out how to support him. He is cuddly with me, but is otherwise a zero-touch person. I have to cut his hair because he won't go to the barber, for example, and it took him about a decade to get to a single doctor's appointment because of touch fears.

Two days ago a female friend, just being warm and playful, got quite physically affectionate with him. She does not know he has autism- he's pretty shy about telling others. Since then he has been in a spaz that I haven't witnessed before in my 4 years with him. He keeps twitching, punching himself in the face and legs, moaning, hiding under blankets and pillows. He's restless and can't calm down or focus.

When I've asked what he is experiencing, he tells me it's like 1000 TV's in his brain with the volume turned up and going on and off and changing channels rapidly. I have asked if there are any coherent thoughts that we can talk about and work through (like "I've been violated" or "I'm angry") but he tells me there's not. Really he's telling me nothing except that he still feels her touching him, like a phantom touch. He seems to be in so much pain. He doesn't know what to do and neither do I.

Can anyone toss me an understanding of this situation? And some coping skills? The usual things aren't calming him down this time. Thank you so much for reading and responding!
How is he with bathing? Taking a shower or bath. Maybe that would help.

There have been times when people have touched me and I get a gray
feeling all over. It helps to wash when that happens.

I have a close relative who experiences feeling itchy from people touching him.
He doesn't enjoy the feeling of water spraying him in the shower, either.
I don't know what he does to alleviate the "ick somebody touched me"
Can anyone toss me an understanding of this situation? And some coping skills?

My partner goes through something similar when she's had too much stress or sensory input. When that happens she needs to stim and cut out as much sensory chaos as she can. For her that means rocking her body with her headphones on (she uses repetitive music for this) and setting up a fan with a bed sheet over it that she can hide under. If the punching is rhythmic that's most likely his brain making him stim, he just needs to find an alternate that's not harmful. Take a look here for some examples:

If you watch the way he rocks while talking, that's what mean by rocking. I use that and a few variations, side to side, deeper, bouncing off the back of a cushioned chair, etc. It's honestly the best thing I've found to deal with stress or a major anxiety attack.
Each of us have a different way of coping with sensory processing issues. I have strong touch aversion, as well as auditory and visual hypersensitivity, and I just want to be left alone in a quiet room when I've been overstimulated by my senses. My best friend is the opposite: she likes the presence of people who are close to her while dealing with the problem.

I wouldn't give any tips, because again, we all have our own coping techniques, and if they don't work, I would be as confused as he is.
He is going through the emotional impact too much, to be able to make clear statements that he feels violated or angry; that will come later.

Does he have a article that sooths him? Basically, try asking if he wants you to comfort him or does he want to be left alone?

When I am touched, it leaves mental imprints on me and as I am touched, I feel that the flesh is burning a hole in my arm or leg or tummy etc. And the only thing is for me to ask my husband to please leave me alone for a while. Accept, he is a very touchy feely person and thus, we clash quite often.

You are going to have to whipsper to those who are trouchy to not touch him, otherwise, the poor man is being to be in a constant mental pain.

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