I've worked frontside retail at a bookshop since undergrad. One of the skills I've honed is profiling people not only by their books, but by how they approach a check out line or the information desk.
You learn to keep an eye out for kids who may have wandered out of line of sight of a parent. You can spot the posers, the creeps, the odd ducks, the grumps, and a plethora of other archetypes.
But isn't this what Asperger all about: giving off the "vibes" that contradict your actual character and make you look worse than you really are?
I was always thinking that "judging people by their vibes" is something you just can't help. But now you are saying that it is actually a purposeful act, to the point that you were trained to do it. Why would you be trained to do something that is so unfair?
(Some of the biggest insights into people's natures come from small things. How they treat 'menial' employees at a store or restaurant. How they react to small children, pets, etc...or how pets and small children react to them.)
Incidentally, I noticed few times kids saying hi to me, sometimes even multiple times. I find it annoying because I feel like it just makes me look weird. No, I didn't respond in any kind of annoyed manner. Rather, I didn't respond at all. My theory is that I am a log younger than my age, which causes my social problems on the first place. Adults probably don't realize it. But kids perhaps pick up on it from my mannerisms or something.
However, even though kids react to me positively, lets talk about someone whom kids don't like. I think it is unfair to make negative judgement on someone, because someone else dislikes that person. It reminds me of how an individual NT would negatively judge individual aspie because other NT-s don't like that aspie. Its unfair because this is precisely what puts an aspie into the self-perpetuating cycle.
Next time you go to a store, watch how people walk down a central aisle. Do they yield to allow space for others or do they plow through...oblivious to everything but the group they're with? Things like this can tell you a lot about a person's potential actions.
The people who plow through and knock things of a table and don't stop. Sorry, but that is someone who is an oblivious jerk. Do you want to pursue further interaction. Nope. Good riddance.
In my case, I don't knock things off, yet my mom thinks I do. I have a very large backpack full of books, and my mom was telling me I might hit people with the backpack as I walk. But I feel like it is an assumption on her part and it might not be true. I do remember, however, at the airplane when my mom told me I just hit the flight attendant with my backpack. So I guess sometimes my mom might be right. But the question is how often.
One proof that my mom underestimates my coordination is the fact that she doesn't like when I put cup near the edge of a table, because supposedly I would knock it off. I never knocked it off in my life. Also, the other day she was thinking I would break the dishes because I was moving fast as I was putting them into washing machine. But the fact is: I never broke them.
I think my mom is projecting her own coordination issues, along with her assumptions about my Asperger, on me. Maybe SHE would knock out the cup if it was near the edge of the table or break dishes or whatever. But in my case, I don't even have to pay attention for none of those things to happen, it just never happens automatically. And with dishes, I just instinctively know what it takes for them to break, and no, moving them fast like I do is not it.
The other things she corrects me about the way I eat is that I eat fast, put a lot in my mouth, and then put the new spoon into my mouth before I swallowed the previous one. Also one of my legs points to the side, as if I am about to run away, and when I finish eating I get up while I am still chewing my food. She also used to point out that I eat with my mouth open, so I make those chewing sounds, and when I drink I enhale the water which makes the sound as well. She also sometimes notices that the food drips on my shirt when I eat. A few days ago I was eating while talking, and instead of paying attention to what I was saying, she was taking off bread crumbs from my shirt.
My mom also constantly corrects me the way I don't tuck in my shirt (she calls it "a tail" when the front of my shirt is tucked in while the back isn't), the way I don't tie my shoes, the way I don't brush my hair, and so forth. Most of those things even I can't remember. Because right now the list of things I just mentioned is pretty short. Yet, my mom would literally slow me down by half an hour when I am trying to get out of the house. So apparently the list of all the little things she corrects is a lot longer than I can remember.
Now, my mom stays in Berkeley. So when I am at all those other places I mentioned, nobody is correcting those things for me. Which I guess could be part of the reason I am ostracized more when I am away from Berkeley.
Now, going back to the things we talked about. I actually complained to my mom about girls crossing the street when I walk, and how I feel like they think I would sexually harass them (WHICH I WOULDN"T). My mom's answer was that sexual harassment is not an issue. What IS an issue, from her point of view, is that I constantly run and hit everything on my way, so they cross the street so that I wouldn't bump into them or hit them with a backpack.
Well, first of all, it is not true that I constantly run. It USED TO BE TRUE back when I was in high school, but its been over 20 years ago! I guess since I live in other states my mom doesn't get to see me that often. But still, I visit her every summer and winter break. So I am surprised that she still thinks I run, when I don't.
By the way, it also reminds me of both herself and some other people telling me I don't make eye contact. Because to me its only natural to look at someone when I talk, and no, unlike other aspies, I don't experience any discomfort when it comes to this. I am thinking people are simply assuming that "aspies don't make eye contact so I don't", which is kinda similar to my mom assuming that "I used to run along the streets back in high school so I still do it now".
But then again, its always possible that while my mom exaggerates some aspects of it she might be right in some points. For example, I was at the store the other day, and a man told me, rather rudely, to let him walk by, because my backpack wasn't letting him. Now, he was pretty rude, so I am sure a lot of other people think the same thing just won't tell. But I guess the question is how often does that happen? Because there were other times when my mom was telling me the same thing, yet I was sure she was wrong.
Again, though, the above example is about a store with very little space. But what if I walk down the street that has a lot of space, or walk in the university hallways that are quite wide, why would it be an issue there?
And going back to your other point. You said those kinds of people are jerks. But have you ever considered the possibility they might simply "not be aware", just like I am likely unaware of those kinds of things? Why would "being unaware of something" make the person a jerk? Particularly since you know how Asperger's makes people unaware.
The guy who steps aside to let a matriarchal group pass. This is a small unspoken courtesy.
I was assuming that the gender roles are no longer there, at least not in America.
Incidentally, when I am going into the elevator and there is a girl in front of me, I would purposely go in front of her, so that she knows I am not going to sexually harass her. That, plus also by going in front I am giving her a choice to either get into the elevator or not. But if she goes first, then she would be forced to share elevator with me since she would be too polite to tell me not to come.
When I complained to my mom how girls don't get into elevator with me, she again told me that sexual harassment is not the issue. Instead, she told me that they are probably upset with me that I cut in front of them. So I asked her "so lets say they think I am rude; are they assuming that the rude person would sexually harass them?" My mom said "no". Then I asked her "so then why would they not want to share elevator with a rude person, if they know he won't harass them?" My mom said "its just unpleasant".
Intuitively, I disagree with my mom. Because my own intuition tells me that in order not to come into an elevator with someone, the "sexual harassment" bit has to figure out somewhere. Maybe its because my mom came to America when she was in her 40-s while I came to America as a teen, so her mentality is more Russian and mine is more American.
However, I do remember an example, from the American bus rider, that seemed to have confirmed those gender roles. So I was getting into the bus, and the bus driver stops me from getting in, so I had to actually walk right out, even though I made first couple of steps. So I thought that the bus is about to take a break or something. But then she asked that girl to come in. So I asked why was she asking her to come in if I couldn't come in. She said women come first. Incidentally, this particular time I wasn't even cutting in front of her at all. I just happened to stand in front of her.
