Peacemaking?

[Glytch]

Heyooo, everybody!

I wanted to ask for some opinions and advice. Recently, I discovered that Amanda (the one from my previous threads) has been talking trash about me.
The thing is, that actually amused me when I found out. She’s talking trash about me to people who’ve met me, and she expects them to agree or something. (Note: they don’t agree.) I’m not even mad at her.
I think I’m finally ready to move on. There’s nothing she can say to hurt me anymore.
...That said, I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should try to wrap up loose ends, make peace with her? I mean, I feel like I should try to get some closure.
Will she accept it? Probably not. That drama queen may just try to start a scene again. But I won’t partake in her drama again. I’ve learned my lesson. I just wanna try to make peace.
So, I kinda already wrote a draft of what I would say to her. I was hoping for some feedback on that. So, here it is:

“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided not to hold a grudge against you. I’ve realized that holding on to the mistakes of the past and feeling bitter and morose about them is just a recipe for misery.

Did I make mistakes? Yes, definitely. Did I suffer for them? Without a doubt. But I have no more animosity towards you.

In fact, I feel like I should thank you. Because of you, I’m more experienced with these things, so I can learn from my mistakes and use those lessons next time. Plus, now I know that I can recover if something like this ends up happening again. I am a stronger person because of you.

I hope you won’t hold any bitterness towards me. We had some fun times together, and we had some less-than-fun times, but it’s all in the past, and I hope that, one day, it can all be forgiven and forgotten.”

Comments are encouraged and appreciated.

 

[tree]

It seems as if the letter is written for your own benefit,
and that there is little to no point in trying to communicate
with the girl.

You've worked out your thoughts.

I don't think it would be a good idea to say to her
"I've decided not to hold a grudge against you."
That sounds like a taunt. A little subtle accusation,
as in, whereas she isn't big enough to let go,
you want her to know that you are.

I'd just drop it, at this point.

 

[Glytch]

It seems as if the letter is written for your own benefit,
and that there is little to no point in trying to communicate
with the girl.

You've worked out your thoughts.

I don't think it would be a good idea to say to her
"I've decided not to hold a grudge against you."
That sounds like a taunt. A little subtle accusation,
as in, whereas she isn't big enough to let go,
you want her to know that you are.

I'd just drop it, at this point.

Well, what if I write it down on a piece of paper, then burn the paper or something?

 

[tree]

Well, what if I write it down on a piece of paper, then burn the paper or something?

If you'd find that a sufficiently decisive closure,
go ahead. Burning often is how people dispose
of stuff pertaining to a romantic association that's
over.

 

[Pats]

I kind of agree with @Glytch . I write things for my own benefit a lot and it stays in my notebook to eventually be tossed. It makes me feel better and leaves it at that. Glad you are at the point that you found her talk about you humorous. If you think about it, more than likely, everyone is going to be talked about here and there. I've got to where I expect it and don't care. It's often just a way to fill conversation.
I tell things that involve others in my life - it's part of my life. But what I say, the person I'm saying it about has heard me say it and it's not going to be hurtful. It's more like my daughter in law borrows weird things from me - do I have mushrooms? do I have a bulb for a wax melt? It's funny, I think. One time she remembered to replace something she had borrowed and picked up a super large container of corn starch that will last longer than I will probably. I tease her over it and she thinks it's funny, too. But if it's personal, no - it won't go anywhere. Anyway, I imagine there are some that say not such good things about me and it doesn't bother me. Ok - I guess it depends on where it goes. My youngest daughter's best friend;s mother always thought (wrongly) that we were friends and I guess since my daughter used to stay with them a lot she has told so many people that she basically raised my kids. She even claims to have raised my oldest son who is the same age as she is. Maybe that's not so much talking about me, rather than taking credit for my accomplishment. But she has said things to my other kids about me and I have told her to stop it - she can say what she wants to anyone else, but does she think my kids are not going to tell me what is said to them? after my little tantrum with her, she called my youngest daughter and told her how glad she was that she and I were friends again and had worked everything out.
She comes to baby showers and stuff and she gets drunk and hugs on me. EEEEK!!! I turn my back to her and she clings to my neck anyway. I literally have to remove her. We are NOT friends!!!
Sorry, I went off on my own thing.

 

[Mattymatt]

Heyooo, everybody!

I wanted to ask for some opinions and advice. Recently, I discovered that Amanda (the one from my previous threads) has been talking trash about me.
The thing is, that actually amused me when I found out. She’s talking trash about me to people who’ve met me, and she expects them to agree or something. (Note: they don’t agree.) I’m not even mad at her.
I think I’m finally ready to move on. There’s nothing she can say to hurt me anymore.
...That said, I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should try to wrap up loose ends, make peace with her? I mean, I feel like I should try to get some closure.
Will she accept it? Probably not. That drama queen may just try to start a scene again. But I won’t partake in her drama again. I’ve learned my lesson. I just wanna try to make peace.
So, I kinda already wrote a draft of what I would say to her. I was hoping for some feedback on that. So, here it is:

“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided not to hold a grudge against you. I’ve realized that holding on to the mistakes of the past and feeling bitter and morose about them is just a recipe for misery.

Did I make mistakes? Yes, definitely. Did I suffer for them? Without a doubt. But I have no more animosity towards you.

In fact, I feel like I should thank you. Because of you, I’m more experienced with these things, so I can learn from my mistakes and use those lessons next time. Plus, now I know that I can recover if something like this ends up happening again. I am a stronger person because of you.

I hope you won’t hold any bitterness towards me. We had some fun times together, and we had some less-than-fun times, but it’s all in the past, and I hope that, one day, it can all be forgiven and forgotten.”

Comments are encouraged and appreciated.

I think the ship has sailed and that you should have nothing further to do with Amanda. Attempts to apologize or reach out to her may backfire in a spectacular way; think a harassment claim against you. I would just have nothing further to do with her. I honestly think the advice offered by @tree is very sound and wise.

 

[Tom]

Its usually a mistake to re-contact the other of a failed relationship.

You have 'closure'. Its over. Anything else is dragging it out.

 

[George Newman]

Drop it and move on.

 

[BraidedPony]

It is such a good letter though! However, I have to agree that it would be better to not send it because she doesn’t deserve it really.
I think burning it would be very symbolic. Play some music and let it burn. It would be a great ending for you and a flat boring emptiness for the drama queen. How appropriate.

 

[Glytch]

I wrote it on a sheet of paper, then burned it until there was nothing but ash. Thank you all for the advice.

 

[BraidedPony]

Well done!
Her loss.

 

[Nervous Rex]

In all relationships, the person who cares the least has the most power.

When this person says hurtful things about you, she is trying to exercise power over you. She is creating a situation where you care more about what she says than she does. Trash talk is a net loss game - the victim is hurt more than the trash talker benefits.

Everyone's "move on" comments here are right. You take control yourself by walking away and forgetting her.