Past, Present, and Future

[AustinTheAspie]

Hey guys, Austin again. I have an issue that's been bugging me for quite some time; I seem to constantly get haunted by these horrible thoughts from my past playing over and over and over in my head like mistakes, missed opportunities, and bad things I've said to people. Because of this, I have a hard time staying in the present moment, and I constantly also worry about my future mistakes that I'll make. I also worry that I'm going to screw up horribly one day and end up in jail or something like that by doing something stupid like hurting someone. I have a very hard time controlling my impulses, and it just seems that society really has no place for someone like me who can't succeed in everything he does, but instead fails and pushes people away with his ********. I just don't know what to do; I honestly spend most of my days isolating myself in my room all day, only going out when I need something, or hang out with what little friends and social workers I have left. I don't know how to move forward from my past and not worry about the future, and I was wondering if anyone can relate to this. Any advice would be helpful, thank you all.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The more you try to move away from your past the more it chases after you.

Accepting your past is different.

I've often felt like you did - still do sometimes. My joke was I got PTSD from my own family, no war necessary.

Another platitude - a journey of a thousand miles begins with just a single step.

Lets define the first step - otherwise we can't take another one.

Where I failed was not doing enough nice things for people. So it's trying to find ways to help someone in the smallest way you can. Then keep doing it. Whether that is volunteer work or just randomly.


If the brain isn't active - it will eat itself. Which is essentially what you are describing.

Do you think volunteers are nice people? They probably as equally horrible as we are but they found a solution to being chased by demons (their past) they helped someone.

This step will help you to frame the thoughts about yourself in a more productive way.

Then take another step.

The japanese have a saying 'nana karobi ya oki' - seven times down,eight times up.

It doesn't happen overnight,you'll fall back into old habits more times than you can count but all you need to do it get up again ya oki.

This appears to be a message to you Austin, but really it was a message to me

 

[Ambi]

Hey guys, Austin again. I have an issue that's been bugging me for quite some time; I seem to constantly get haunted by these horrible thoughts from my past playing over and over and over in my head like mistakes, missed opportunities, and bad things I've said to people. Because of this, I have a hard time staying in the present moment, and I constantly also worry about my future mistakes that I'll make. I also worry that I'm going to screw up horribly one day and end up in jail or something like that by doing something stupid like hurting someone. I have a very hard time controlling my impulses, and it just seems that society really has no place for someone like me who can't succeed in everything he does, but instead fails and pushes people away with his ********. I just don't know what to do; I honestly spend most of my days isolating myself in my room all day, only going out when I need something, or hang out with what little friends and social workers I have left. I don't know how to move forward from my past and not worry about the future, and I was wondering if anyone can relate to this. Any advice would be helpful, thank you all.

I definitely relate to this, and I, too, am eager to read advice from others.

 

[Streetwise]

what worked for me was feeling WOULDNT like to be assaulted for my choice or be locked in a prison
people are so litigious now its almost a crime to disagree
another for me is finding a way not to give to fight in the panic response
lack of sleep doesnt help but Ive gone so far the way i never wanted that i have near constant insomnia
what do you enjoy doing that ISNT an addiction not just typical addiction what ever you crave
do you have a faith as that can take away the bad choices if you are\try to be obedient
what i mean is mindfulness focusing on something good

 

[Suzanne]

My faith is what helps me to keep things in balance, otherwise I would not be alive.

Believe it or not, but the fact you fear physically hurting others, means you are unlikely to.

 

[Datura]

I would recommend you research CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as much of what you describe pertains to obsessive thinking. You have made mistakes in the past and fear you will make more in the future, but in the process you are ruining your life. CBT teaches you to intercept these thoughts, identify cognitive distortions and replace them with more objective and positive beliefs.

Mindfulness meditation is also a good practice as it teaches you how to be in the moment. Negative thoughts still arise, but you learn to acknowledge them an move on, rather than ruminating.

On exercise I have found that helps me is that when I get stuck obsessing I will start counting things. The number of discreet objects in a room, dots on a wall, floor boards - it doesn't matter. The act of counting disrupts my obsessive thoughts and places me in the here and now.

Additionally; you might want to seek some therapy to deal with past traumas and regrets, as well as finding better ways of dealing with your relationships.

 

[Molly]

I would recommend you research CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as much of what you describe pertains to obsessive thinking. You have made mistakes in the past and fear you will make more in the future, but in the process you are ruining your life. CBT teaches you to intercept these thoughts, identify cognitive distortions and replace them with more objective and positive beliefs.

Mindfulness meditation is also a good practice as it teaches you how to be in the moment. Negative thoughts still arise, but you learn to acknowledge them an move on, rather than ruminating.

On exercise I have found that helps me is that when I get stuck obsessing I will start counting things. The number of discreet objects in a room, dots on a wall, floor boards - it doesn't matter. The act of counting disrupts my obsessive thoughts and places me in the here and now.

Additionally; you might want to seek some therapy to deal with past traumas and regrets, as well as finding better ways of dealing with your relationships.

Hi. I also find counting in my head hugely beneficial in stopping obsessive thoughts about my past and future, in fact, I do this every evening when I am trying to sleep and I find it works well for me. It's worth giving it a try. I didn't make a conscientious effort to count, just found myself doing it more and more when I was unable to fall asleep. I will count anything at all, the number of people I have talked that day, the number of dogs or nice cars I have seen, or the numbers of my previous homes, I also like to count grouped objects such clocks, pictures, etc etc.

I also find guided mediation extremely helpful ( I meditate every day). Meditation won't stop your negative or compulsive thoughts, it will however teach you how to let them flow though you, giving them little importance which in time reduces the negative and compulsive thoughts. @AustenTheAspie, it's worth giving it a try. Good luck.

 

[Mia]

You are going to have to work on your internal critical thought process Austin. It requires time and dedication, but it's worth it in the end. Something I've worked on for many years.

"The critical inner voice is not a trustworthy moral guide like a conscience. On the contrary, the critical inner voice is degrading and punishing and often leads us to make unhealthy decisions. These negative voices tend to increase our feelings of self-hatred without motivating us to change undesirable qualities or act in a constructive manner."

"Helpful to pay attention to when you suddenly slip into a bad mood or become upset, often these negative shifts in emotion are a result of a critical inner voice. Once you identify the thought process and pinpoint the negative actions it is advocating, you can take control over your inner voice by consciously deciding not to listen."

There are other ways too, cutting off the thought mid-sentence, stopping the thought, being aware of it, that negative, destructive self-dialogue.

This takes practice, and work to do properly. What we hear in the criticism, can be a lie or a half truth. What our subconscious indicates to us does not necessarily have to be true. It may have been something a teacher, friend, or sibling said that we internalized.

The critical inner voice whiteboard:

It's a start.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

You are going to have to work on your internal critical thought process. It requires time and much dedication. Something I've worked on for many years.

"The critical inner voice is not a trustworthy moral guide like a conscience. On the contrary, the critical inner voice is degrading and punishing and often leads us to make unhealthy decisions. These negative voices tend to increase our feelings of self-hatred without motivating us to change undesirable qualities or act in a constructive manner."

"Helpful to pay attention to when you suddenly slip into a bad mood or become upset, often these negative shifts in emotion are a result of a critical inner voice. Once you identify the thought process and pinpoint the negative actions it is advocating, you can take control over your inner voice by consciously deciding not to listen."

There are other ways too, cutting off the thought mid-sentence, stopping the thought, being aware of it, that negative, destructive self-dialogue.

This takes practice, and work to do properly. What we hear in the criticism, can be a lie. What our subconscious indicates to us does not necessarily have to be true. It may have been something a teacher, friend, or sibling said that we internalized.

The critical inner voice whiteboard:

It's a start.

I like this. I didn't have a name for my version of it.

So I called it 'my left shoulder goofy'

If anyone saw the same cartoon as me, they'll get the reference!

 

[Gritches]

What you describe about being haunted by past mistakes, bad things you've said to people, etc sounds a lot like neurotic guilt. With neurotic guilt, you're overwhelmed by feelings of guilt about past events that aren't necessarily worth feeling so guilty about; with alexithymia, the feeling of "guilt" might be impossible to identify on its own, leading to a general feeling of being haunted.

Basically, neurotic guilt is differentiated from real guilt by not being something you should feel real guilt for. That makes fixing it relatively easy - you just forgive yourself and remind yourself that you don't need to feel guilty about these things when the thoughts occur.

For a long time, I thought it was PTSD doing this to me, just a non-stop stream of memories of every mistake I've ever made. Then I found out about neurotic guilt, applied that solution, and it worked far better than I typically give CBT credit for.

Here's a link to the specific page, they explain it better than I could:
Overcoming Guilt Caused by Childhood Trauma

 

[Judge]

Yeah. Being overly introspective. It happens, especially if you live in relative, but constant isolation.

I wish I didn't do it so much, but then in my case I'm much loser to the end than the beginning of my life. Maybe at that point when "my life flashes before me" it won't take so long. LOL. You know, "been there, done that already!"

For me it's the one downside of self-awareness. To look back at everything I ever did and sense that I could have done a better job had I known who- and what I was at the time. But then hindsight is always better than foresight.