Past determining my future

[paloftoon]

Either for not doing more or if I am being punished by destiny because I was mean to my younger brother. The latter thought does make me wonder why my older brother had girlfriends while he constantly terrorized me.

hmm, being mean to your younger brother without reasonable due course is certainly potentially a karma thing.

In terms of can things change for the better- absolutely and always!
Is it easy?- hell no!!!


Do you have to be like your older brother or like anyone in particular? No!

What do you need to help improve your life?
1. Independence- you have your own job, you can drive yourself/get around super well on public transportation, your own place if possible.
2. if you aren't able to have a satisfactory job, work on skills that could help you get a better job. Consider two jobs if you can handle it.
3. Consider expanding what kind of hobbies you're interested in. Maybe volunteering at a shelter, convention, etc. Look for spaces where people in a similar state as you might be more likely to congregate.
4. If college isn't really an option, is tech/trade school?
5. It's okay if school isn't the most feasible option. There are many jobs out there to consider.

 

[Markness]

My older brother has had more relationships than me but he’s also had more break ups, a divorce, and a cancelled marriage.

 

[Markness]

I just don’t want to be in my 60’s before I finally meet that elusive partner (If she exists.) I want to spend my life with.

 

[VictorR]

I just don’t want to be in my 60’s before I finally meet that elusive partner (If she exists.) I want to spend my life with.

So let's say you meet the love of your life when you're in your 60s.

Are you going to

1) Cherish the fact that you met them and can spend the rest of your days with them, or
2) Lament that you spent several decades looking for them

Sometimes, people who end up having an impact (friends, mentors, significant others, acquaintances, colleagues, sometimes even random strangers) in our lives might not have had the same impact had you met them at a different time and place. There is a time and place for everything.

There's lots of things we can't control. But one thing that we can control is how we approach things.

While you lament a lot of things about your life, I can assure you that there are many who would gladly trade to be in your position.

If you'd like to give mindfulness a try, perhaps each day, try to think of and write down one thing that you're grateful for, and then after a month (or when you're feeling down / stuck), take a look at it to remind yourself that there's lots to be thankful and optimistic for.

 

[Uri]

To tell you the truth, I don't even believe humans free will.

I'm starting to believe that determinism makes more sense.

It's like most women won't admit that they "hate" ugly guys but the fact most of them do.

I believe that looks can be a dealbreaker to many women and if you're ugly, poor and nerdy then the odds of attracting a pretty woman work against you.

Determinism is the philosophical view that all events in the universe, including human actions and decisions, are causally inevitable and can occur only in one possible way. This means that if one knew the complete physical state of the universe at any given moment, along with the laws of nature, one could predict all future events.
Yes, determinism can be applied to a person. In this context, it suggests that an individual's thoughts, feelings, choices, and actions are all the result of prior causes—such as genetics, brain chemistry, upbringing, environment, and past experiences.

• Biological influences like genetics can predispose someone to certain traits or behaviors."

Twin studies, adoption studies, and genome-wide association studies (GWAS) have shown that:

• Genetics can account for roughly 40-60% of the variation in many personality traits.
• The remaining variation is influenced by environmental factors, experiences, upbringing, and social context.

I think that the fact is that there is nothing we can do to change anything because is already made up for us.

I would like to believe that humans have some free will but in every day that passes it seems more like wishful thinking to me.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I think your right, found a clever way in my physics thread to explain determinism.

 

[Markness]

My thoughts lately are that I need to accept that it will never happen and that it was stupid of me to ever hope I would have a loving partner. I don’t enjoy it, though. I don’t want the years to go to waste.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Way it works when your not looking stuff happens. my uncle a farmer went to a dance met a woman who had been married multiple times when he passed at 98 they had been married 50 years.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

My thoughts lately are that I need to accept that it will never happen and that it was stupid of me to ever hope I would have a loving partner. I don’t enjoy it, though. I don’t want the years to go to waste.

yeah, autism and reaching later 20s or just 30 plus and older and never having been in a relationship before just naturally seems to go hand in hand for autistic males, even men without that, not unusual to hear about it. Yeah, the more i hear about forever alone stories/cases, its a reminder of how cruel nature/reality can be, it always angers me and pisses me off when people say "theres someone for everyone".

 

[Mary Terry]

My thoughts lately are that I need to accept that it will never happen and that it was stupid of me to ever hope I would have a loving partner. I don’t enjoy it, though. I don’t want the years to go to waste.

Don't waste your life! You may or may not ultimately find a partner, but you certainly can work on being content, useful, active, interesting and friendly to other people for the rest of your life. If you work on those things, you're more likely to attract friends who may or may not become potential partners. You owe yourself the effort and satisfaction that comes from being happy with who you are.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I suspect a good part of my distant family did not enter relationships. See some weird stuff in my family tree most probable explaination they were autistic.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

thinking about one of the cast members from Love on the Spectrum who is a popular fan favorite, is another resentful reminder.

 

[Markness]

Don't waste your life! You may or may not ultimately find a partner, but you certainly can work on being content, useful, active, interesting and friendly to other people for the rest of your life. If you work on those things, you're more likely to attract friends who may or may not become potential partners. You owe yourself the effort and satisfaction that comes from being happy with who you are.

I know that I can’t expect any social interaction if I don’t do anything. I just don’t know where to go or what to focus on.

 

[Mary Terry]

I know that I can’t expect any social interaction if I don’t do anything. I just don’t know where to go or what to focus on.

Try to figure out what interests you, things that you like or enjoy, or something new that you've never done before, and focus on exploring and doing those things in settings where other people share your interests.

 

[Markness]

Try to figure out what interests you, things that you like or enjoy, or something new that you've never done before, and focus on exploring and doing those things in settings where other people share your interests.

I have attempted new interests this year but they haven’t translated to anything lasting, friendship wise. The social interactions were brief and I haven’t heard back from the people I interacted with for a month now.

 

[Markness]

My thoughts are saying more and more that there are no more chances for me to have a partner and that it was foolish to ever hope.

 

[Mary Terry]

I have attempted new interests this year but they haven’t translated to anything lasting, friendship wise. The social interactions were brief and I haven’t heard back from the people I interacted with for a month now.

New friendships aren't likely to develop from "brief" social interactions. I think you need to stick with exploration of new interests on a regular basis. I don't know the kinds of things that interest you, other than gaming, so I'm trying to think of activities where you're more likely to meet eligible women to socialize with. How about taking some cooking classes? Watercolor or art classes? Maybe your parents can help you with paying for them.

 

[Markness]

New friendships aren't likely to develop from "brief" social interactions. I think you need to stick with exploration of new interests on a regular basis. I don't know the kinds of things that interest you, other than gaming, so I'm trying to think of activities where you're more likely to meet eligible women to socialize with. How about taking some cooking classes? Watercolor or art classes? Maybe your parents can help you with paying for them.

My parents dismiss art and tried to push me into going into the medical or technical fields because those are seen as “true careers” in their eyes. Both played musical instruments but only for the occasional song and the idea of a career out of music was unthinkable to them, even though they know there is a music industry.

I’ve thought of trying an art class again but I am currently struggling financially. I once took a design art course in college back in either 2007 or 2008 but I didn’t do well and only got a single credit. I did better in a creative writing course that sadly only happened once near the end of 2022 and never again. I still sometimes take time to write creatively and I met with a writer’s group in Belton some months ago. They don’t meet very often, though.

I tried some dancing lessons for a short period of time because I was told men are in high demand for those since the majority that make up those classes are women. Well, there were indeed more women than men but aside from the instructor’s assistant and someone I knew from high school who was engaged to someone else I also knew, the women were late middle-aged to elderly. COVID also caused that studio to shut down.

I know I need to keep making efforts or I can only expect further social isolation. I just get really distraught that my efforts seem to be for naught.