NT’s and false promises?

[Jackson]

This is not merely a problem with NT's. Most of the people I meet have a loose relationship with honesty and integrity, and most people are not NT.

It is a cultural issue. People that grow up in a society which rewards the fast and loose are likely to follow suit; just like any sociological factor.

 

[Frostee]

Yeah i’m Northern Irish and moved to Southern England for University. I wondered if this was a cultural issue but I didn’t want to go down that route given the touchiness of that.

I do notice that it takes a lot longer to befriend people here and it appears that a “friend” here is not as close as one at home? IDK I just noticed this?

Maybe I am wrong?

 

[Monachopia]

Yeah i’m Northern Irish and moved to Southern England for University. I wondered if this was a cultural issue but I didn’t want to go down that route given the touchiness of that.

I do notice that it takes a lot longer to befriend people here and it appears that a “friend” here is not as close as one at home? IDK I just noticed this?

Maybe I am wrong?

People in higher density areas are generally less approachable - I've noticed this too. I live on the outskirts of London, but people here are very difficult to get to know. They all seem to have barriers up. When I travel around the country - people are MUCH more open to have a chat and be friendly. In Ireland we had complete strangers help out with advice completely unprovoked. I think it's a population thing rather than regional. People will tend to be more guarded and protective, it's not really a conscious thing, but stress of living so packed in one space does have an effect on everyone.

 

[Ylva]

I know nothing about Southern England except that it's very photogenic and the setting of Poldark and much of Sense & Sensibility, but I think a lot of countries have a north/south divide where the northerners pride themselves on being fairly direct and the southerners on being polite.

Anyway, NTs are primates. So are we, but whatever it is that they have that we don't makes it difficult for us to put our hearts into our chest-beating and other figurative dominance behavior.

In the dark days before my diagnosis, I got so into the habit of not taking anyone's "date-making" seriously unless they confirmed it with me again before parting, that I once accidentally stood someone up.

And yet, I wasn't sure how I could have done anything differently or expected her to mean it. People did this all the time and expected me to be fine with it, after all. Maybe that's what happened with your absent friend?

 

[Frostee]

People in higher density areas are generally less approachable - I've noticed this too. I live on the outskirts of London, but people here are very difficult to get to know. They all seem to have barriers up. When I travel around the country - people are MUCH more open to have a chat and be friendly. In Ireland we had complete strangers help out with advice completely unprovoked. I think it's a population thing rather than regional. People will tend to be more guarded and protective, it's not really a conscious thing, but stress of living so packed in one space does have an effect on everyone.

I don't even know if it's population. I just think the Southern region is like this as a whole.

 

[Monachopia]

I don't even know if it's population. I just think the Southern region is like this as a whole.

I wouldn't say so. People in places like Cornwall, Bournemouth etc, down the South coast are not like Londoners. They're more easy going like what you're used to. From experience and having lived here for over two decades I can say with a high degree of certainty, that people in densely populated areas act more guarded than anywhere else. I am also actually European, so people in London and other highly populated cities really stand out to me as having these similar characteristics.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Cancelling plans is one thing but not informing me is another. The groups I attend do inform me if plans are cancelled so that does make me feel better.

 

[Frostee]

I wouldn't say so. People in places like Cornwall, Bournemouth etc, down the South coast are not like Londoners. They're more easy going like what you're used to. From experience and having lived here for over two decades I can say with a high degree of certainty, that people in densely populated areas act more guarded than anywhere else. I am also actually European, so people in London and other highly populated cities really stand out to me as having these similar characteristics.

They’re not based on experience. It’s very reserved across the whole area.

The SW is the only area that I found to be similar to Northern Ireland.

 

[Pats]

Well, here I go - my turn, I guess. Made plans with my son and daughter for today. Today is still on, but I have no idea what time. I messaged my son last night because he said he needed to do some things at his bar early - don't know if early means early in the day or early before they open - so I told him to give me a time. No response. I talked to my daughter about an hour ago and she was with her brother, so she said she'll talk to him. I told her to just text me a time. It takes me an hour to get there. How can it be that difficult to come up with a time??? (They always do this, by the way).
And my daughter in law was complaining about my son not telling her what his plans were for them and it was getting on her nerves. I laughed and said, "I KNOW!" reminding her that she and her family do that to me all the time. So I told her next time she doesn't give me information I need on what I'm doing for her I will remind her of this. She laughed and said, ok.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

So I told her next time she doesn't give me information I need on what I'm doing for her I will remind her of this. She laughed and said, ok

Change your name and leave the country .

Buy a companion doll that looks like you from the other thread.

They'll may not realise for months.

 

[Frostee]

Well, here I go - my turn, I guess. Made plans with my son and daughter for today. Today is still on, but I have no idea what time. I messaged my son last night because he said he needed to do some things at his bar early - don't know if early means early in the day or early before they open - so I told him to give me a time. No response. I talked to my daughter about an hour ago and she was with her brother, so she said she'll talk to him. I told her to just text me a time. It takes me an hour to get there. How can it be that difficult to come up with a time??? (They always do this, by the way).
And my daughter in law was complaining about my son not telling her what his plans were for them and it was getting on her nerves. I laughed and said, "I KNOW!" reminding her that she and her family do that to me all the time. So I told her next time she doesn't give me information I need on what I'm doing for her I will remind her of this. She laughed and said, ok.

Hi, sorry for the late reply. It sounds like your children don’t respect you and also appear to think that setting a time isn’t important?

It may be the case that they are making plans with you, without a time so that they can schedule you around a potential outing with some other person.

Anyone agree?

I know that this would annoy me. I would ask them when they are calm why they don’t schedule a time? Do they not want to go out with you?

It’s possible that you nag them to go out and they commit to it to get you away?

 

[Pats]

Hi, sorry for the late reply. It sounds like your children don’t respect you and also appear to think that setting a time isn’t important?

It may be the case that they are making plans with you, without a time so that they can schedule you around a potential outing with some other person.

Anyone agree?

I know that this would annoy me. I would ask them when they are calm why they don’t schedule a time? Do they not want to go out with you?

It’s possible that you nag them to go out and they commit to it to get you away?

Actually, I know it's kinda my fault. When they decide they want us all to do something I always tell them to choose the date and time because they have the schedules, I don't. I know they have to coordinate my daughter's day off, the time that my son has to open his bar, my son in law helping cover his business so it's between shifts there, my grandkids getting home from school and daycare. I do try to let them know that it's important to me to have a time, it just takes them longer to figure it out than I think it should. My kids are great, but they've never been good at being on time or planning a time. I only have one daughter who is like me in that way - wants to know the details and is going to be early if anything, but never late. When she plans stuff for us all to meet, I always remind her to not leave her house until the other's have actually left their's because otherwise she's going to be waiting a while. That's just their biggest fault, and is just hard to contend with sometimes. And I'm going to complain about it sometimes.
Oh - I don't nag them. lol

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I never make a promise, unless I'm certain that I'll fulfill it. Deceiving others is a vice.

I won't say, "Yes, I will," just to appear decisive.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

At least the groups I attend let me know they are not meeting. They don't ghost me with no shows.