New To All of This - Suspected Autism as a young adult

[Dime]

Hello! To introduce myself, my name is Dyamond, I’m 19 years old (female), and I’ve been suspecting that I have ASD for quite a while now, but haven’t really been able to do anything about it. I’m not sure what steps to take towards getting a diagnosis and have had virtually no help. I don’t have the money to even afford a regular therapist nor have I ever had a therapist before for that matter, so I don’t have a built up history or written account of all of the mental and physcological changes I’ve undergone throughout my life, I don’t really have any help or support in navigating this area of my life family-wise (i don’t think they would believe me)

I just feel stuck and lost and having no idea how to move forward but feeling like I no longer can, something about my condition needs to be addressed before I can move forward in this new phase of my life. So I have joined the online forum with the hopes that I can speak to some people who are on the spectrum, or people who have also suspected and gotten diagnosed later in life. I’m currently at the point where I’m going back and forth with myself questioning if I’m making little things seem big in my head, or if these things I’m hearing about ASD are resonating with me on a deeper level for a reason. I don’t know how to rule out, and I just need advice. I’ve been reading a lot about how autism shows looks different for women than it does men, especially as little girls, all i can remember from my childhood was this ever-present, realization that no matter how hard i tried i was never going to be ‘normal’ , be ‘seen’ or feel ‘understood’ by anyone, ever. It’s sad to think about sometimes because no matter how happy some of my memories were with ‘family’ or with ‘friends’ that realization was still looming over me. What’s even sadder is that , it feels like this belief has really become one of the most defining aspects of my identity. I realized this before i ever suspected having autism, that’s why hearing all this stuff now has made me very emotional and attached to the idea that it might be true because of how close it hits to home.

 

[Richelle-H]

Hello @Dime and Welcome!

You do not say anything about why you suspect you are on the spectrum but I will say this. There are many here that are self diagnosed and there is nothing wrong with that. You might need something more formal as you move forward through life, but you are young and there is no need to stress yourself out about that now.

I too knew I was different, from around the age of five and each year after that underscored the fact that I was different. I enjoyed the thought that I was not like anyone else, but that did not save me from extended bouts of depression until the fall after I turned 31.

I was always as bright or brighter than anyone around me, and that led to a certain laziness on my part, only doing enough to get good grades but not stand out. I was not formerly diagnosed until my early to mid 40s and it offered nothing more than a piece of paper to help me out over some contretemps at my final place of employment.

I encourage you not to stress about it too much. That is the one thing I never managed to do even as I reveled in my differences. There are many tests you can take online to assess yourself. They are not a form of diagnosis, merely something to point you toward one if you receive some confirmation of your feelings.

Just because one is on the spectrum does not mean a life of meaning and joy is denied. I am not the same person I was at 5, or 45 even, and I continue to evolve. If you cannot gain support from those around you, there is a good deal of support here, so join in and explore and try to have some fun along with the enlightenment.,

 

[Luca]

I can relate to a lot of your story. And autism in girls definitely presents differently than in boys. I was diagnosed very young but my symptoms were very different from "stereotypical" symptoms that present more regularly in males. I don't have a lot of difficulty with a lot of things that are hard for others with autism, but my special interests are my most pronounced trait and mainly the reason I was able to get a diagnosis.
I had those feelings for my entire childhood too, and still do to an extent. I feel like I am never going to be "normal," especially. I have been bullied my whole life because I just didn't fit in anywhere.

But this forum has helped me feel "seen" and "understood." Lots of wonderful people on here, who have made me feel welcome, and become my friends. I can relate to a lot of what is posted by everyone here. This is my support system.

There are a lot of people on here who are undiagnosed or self-diagnosed, or awaiting diagnosis, who fit in just fine

Dyamond is a beautiful name, by the way! Welcome!

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

If you're considering pursuing a diagnosis, taking the time to write down potential signs may be helpful. I got a copy of the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and had annotated it prior to going for a diagnosis.

As for supports - that depends on where you are - some places only cover ASD diagnosis for children, others may cover it for all ages, but have waitlists and/or limited locations where the services are available.

If you are in post-secondary education, many colleges and universities' student unions may provide access to or subsidies for psychological services.

As some of our fellow members have noted - it's perfectly fine to self-identify. That being stated, having a formal diagnosis may be needed for access to certain programs and services, in addition to potential accommodations for work and school.

 

[Dime]

Hello @Dime and Welcome!

You do not say anything about why you suspect you are on the spectrum but I will say this. There are many here that are self diagnosed and there is nothing wrong with that. You might need something more formal as you move forward through life, but you are young and there is no need to stress yourself out about that now.

I too knew I was different, from around the age of five and each year after that underscored the fact that I was different. I enjoyed the thought that I was not like anyone else, but that did not save me from extended bouts of depression until the fall after I turned 31.

I was always as bright or brighter than anyone around me, and that led to a certain laziness on my part, only doing enough to get good grades but not stand out. I was not formerly diagnosed until my early to mid 40s and it offered nothing more than a piece of paper to help me out over some contretemps at my final place of employment.

I encourage you not to stress about it too much. That is the one thing I never managed to do even as I reveled in my differences. There are many tests you can take online to assess yourself. They are not a form of diagnosis, merely something to point you toward one if you receive some confirmation of your feelings.

Just because one is on the spectrum does not mean a life of meaning and joy is denied. I am not the same person I was at 5, or 45 even, and I continue to evolve. If you cannot gain support from those around you, there is a good deal of support here, so join in and explore and try to have some fun along with the enlightenment.,

Thanks Richelle for your response! Wow, just from reading some of the posts on here I can really see that there is a lot of good people and good energy on this platform which is a relief to me, I’ve never been able to really discuss this topic with anyone besides myself, and I’m starting to drive ME nuts.

I can totally relate to the bit about being “lazy” or just good enough to pass as far as grades go, but everyone around me knew i was exceptionally brilliant and had a very mature and creative mind. I was kind of what people would call a “smart-ass” because i would often correct people, (grammar, definition of a word, facts i happened to know about or could debunk) and that got me in trouble a lot. Depression and anxiety i have also dealt with in the past and am still navigating through. Part of why i guess I’m stressing over this though is because i honesty feel like my immediate family plays a huge role in why my life is the way it is now, and i need them to understand that I’m different and that can’t be changed. It’s hard to explain but I just feel like my quality of life would be so much better if their judgements and the things they say about my behavior had more context and more understanding behind them.

 

[Aneka]

Hello! To introduce myself, my name is Dyamond, I’m 19 years old (female), and I’ve been suspecting that I have ASD for quite a while now, but haven’t really been able to do anything about it. I’m not sure what steps to take towards getting a diagnosis and have had virtually no help. I don’t have the money to even afford a regular therapist nor have I ever had a therapist before for that matter, so I don’t have a built up history or written account of all of the mental and physcological changes I’ve undergone throughout my life, I don’t really have any help or support in navigating this area of my life family-wise (i don’t think they would believe me)

I just feel stuck and lost and having no idea how to move forward but feeling like I no longer can, something about my condition needs to be addressed before I can move forward in this new phase of my life. So I have joined the online forum with the hopes that I can speak to some people who are on the spectrum, or people who have also suspected and gotten diagnosed later in life. I’m currently at the point where I’m going back and forth with myself questioning if I’m making little things seem big in my head, or if these things I’m hearing about ASD are resonating with me on a deeper level for a reason. I don’t know how to rule out, and I just need advice. I’ve been reading a lot about how autism shows looks different for women than it does men, especially as little girls, all i can remember from my childhood was this ever-present, realization that no matter how hard i tried i was never going to be ‘normal’ , be ‘seen’ or feel ‘understood’ by anyone, ever. It’s sad to think about sometimes because no matter how happy some of my memories were with ‘family’ or with ‘friends’ that realization was still looming over me. What’s even sadder is that , it feels like this belief has really become one of the most defining aspects of my identity. I realized this before i ever suspected having autism, that’s why hearing all this stuff now has made me very emotional and attached to the idea that it might be true because of how close it hits to home.

In my experience, therapists don't help at all. The only one who can bring change is yourself.
One exception: If you find a certified hypnotherapist, go for it. You will be surprised.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @Dime.

If you are in the USA, see
Autlanders, Thriving Outside of the Box: Finding Support Resources in the USA...

 

[Dime]

I can relate to a lot of your story. And autism in girls definitely presents differently than in boys. I was diagnosed very young but my symptoms were very different from "stereotypical" symptoms that present more regularly in males. I don't have a lot of difficulty with a lot of things that are hard for others with autism, but my special interests are my most pronounced trait and mainly the reason I was able to get a diagnosis.
I had those feelings for my entire childhood too, and still do to an extent. I feel like I am never going to be "normal," especially. I have been bullied my whole life because I just didn't fit in anywhere.

But this forum has helped me feel "seen" and "understood." Lots of wonderful people on here, who have made me feel welcome, and become my friends. I can relate to a lot of what is posted by everyone here. This is my support system.

There are a lot of people on here who are undiagnosed or self-diagnosed, or awaiting diagnosis, who fit in just fine

Dyamond is a beautiful name, by the way! Welcome!

Thanks so much for the compliment! My name has always been one of my anchors, it was one of the few things that made me feel good about being unique or different. People always told me my name was different and the way i spelled it was even more different and that always made me feel special. Like I was made to be different.

I’m just realizing how many obsessions and special interests i had growing up as well, I’m curious, would you mind sharing what yours are & what your experience has been like. Do you ever get tired of that ’special interest’ and move on to something else or once you’re hooked on something you’re pretty much hooked forever?

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, it's good that you are here. You sound like you are totally on track to understanding yourself better, keep on being curious about this, and doing research. There's lots out there now for women, as more women understand they are on the spectrum. Try Jessica Kingsley publishers catalogue for texts by women with Autism and clinicians about this. I'm currently reading and enjoying Divergent Mind which @Darkkin posted the cover of recently, very interesting and informative, though not everyone would be comfortable with some of her suggestions I think . However lots of food for thought for women working out who they are!

I hope you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Alexej]

HI and Welcome @Dime

You might want to have a look on this forum for material around females and ASC.
I would suggest that you look up Cynthia Kim. her blog is good (although not actively used now - but a lot of good info there. regarding diagnosis I suggest Cynthia's book on that topic, where she goes through the criteria which are usually applied.

 

[Luca]

Thanks so much for the compliment! My name has always been one of my anchors, it was one of the few things that made me feel good about being unique or different. People always told me my name was different and the way i spelled it was even more different and that always made me feel special. Like I was made to be different.

I’m just realizing how many obsessions and special interests i had growing up as well, I’m curious, would you mind sharing what yours are & what your experience has been like. Do you ever get tired of that ’special interest’ and move on to something else or once you’re hooked on something you’re pretty much hooked forever?

My main special interest is dogs and dog training, but also music and art.

When I’m hooked on something I’m definitely hooked forever!

Sorry for the short reply, I’m in a dog training workshop right now but can elaborate more later!

 

[tree]

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Welcome!

ASD cant be adressed, but can be managed. You have been recomended nice books and resources. There are also usefull channels at YouTube. I find this one very usefull: https://youtube.com/c/AspergersfromtheInside

It will be easier for you to understand and accept your family limitations than it will be for your family to accept yours. I wish you luck on this one, some of us had problems on that.

I agree that the diagnose doesnt solve much by itself but for some people that external and formal validation may be important, so its up to you to decide it. If you finally seek for diagnose, I recomend you visit a very good proffesional because being brilliant is not part of ASD and you could be a ASD+High capacity person.

High Capacity people (called gifted years ago) also feel alone and have problems to do deep connections for different reasons than pure autists.

Also, if you think that the diagnose would help familiar and friends to accept your condition, think again.

So welcome, have fun.