Need some help... any is appreciated(:

[Warmheart]

You can ask him what Asperger's feels like to him.

Sensory issues? Do certain lights or glare bother him, perfumes, scented candles (Gaack!), scented carpet and room sprays? Itchy clothing tags? Being around active, noisy children? Foods with weird textures? Going to restaurants with background chatter distracting him? Does he shrink from soft touches, but love firm touches? Hate hugs, but love initiating touching on his terms?

Social stuff? Does it feel like other people all somehow know a secret code to getting along, making smalltalk, etc., and he doesn't? That can feel frustrating, confusing, embarrassing, and make socializing really draining.

Does he feel like superman when he excels at a project having to do with his special interest? This can feel really neat. Bonus if you ask questions or want to share an activity of some of his interests, too.

Has he got rituals that feel calming for him?

Has he got a favorite special interest? (Warning: Get a cup of tea, a snack, and go potty first! The answer may be enthusiasm-fueled and take a while!)

Does he have shutdowns (brainfog, lack of awareness, disassociation) when he's overwhelmed by sensory or social overload? When does that happen, at a crowded café, or during a 6-person get-together where someone's invited small kids along?

Anyway, asking what his experience with ASD is really like, will let him know you care about his feelings. As his girlfriend, you can be learning to:
Say what you mean, mean what you say. Hints and subtlety can frustrate.
Appreciate your own alone-time without him, because he's likely re-charging himself when alone, so he can be a better partner.
Be clear on how you feel, on what you would like from him.
Give really obvious compliments, to let him know he did a great job of something.

Best of luck!

 

[Kayla Joanne]

You can ask him what Asperger's feels like to him.

Sensory issues? Do certain lights or glare bother him, perfumes, scented candles (Gaack!), scented carpet and room sprays? Itchy clothing tags? Being around active, noisy children? Foods with weird textures? Going to restaurants with background chatter distracting him? Does he shrink from soft touches, but love firm touches? Hate hugs, but love initiating touching on his terms?

Social stuff? Does it feel like other people all somehow know a secret code to getting along, making smalltalk, etc., and he doesn't? That can feel frustrating, confusing, embarrassing, and make socializing really draining.

Does he feel like superman when he excels at a project having to do with his special interest? This can feel really neat. Bonus if you ask questions or want to share an activity of some of his interests, too.

Has he got rituals that feel calming for him?

Has he got a favorite special interest? (Warning: Get a cup of tea, a snack, and go potty first! The answer may be enthusiasm-fueled and take a while!)

Does he have shutdowns (brainfog, lack of awareness, disassociation) when he's overwhelmed by sensory or social overload? When does that happen, at a crowded café, or during a 6-person get-together where someone's invited small kids along?

Anyway, asking what his experience with ASD is really like, will let him know you care about his feelings. As his girlfriend, you can be learning to:
Say what you mean, mean what you say. Hints and subtlety can frustrate.
Appreciate your own alone-time without him, because he's likely re-charging himself when alone, so he can be a better partner.
Be clear on how you feel, on what you would like from him.
Give really obvious compliments, to let him know he did a great job of something.

Best of luck!

whoa!! awesome list of stuff!! thank you sooooooo much for this! Wow, much appreciated!!

 

[AsheSkyler]

I have the same interior dilemma when I meet somebody of a different culture or country and would LOVE to ask them all sorts of questions because it fascinates me. What I do is ask if it's okay if I pick their brains and make it clear that I'm being curious and not condescending. It's worked for me so far!

So I reckon if he's not uncomfortable or keeps his autism pretty private, you can pick his brains about it all you want. =)

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

yes, he is officially diagnosed, and i'm just generally curious about anything he could tell me... that sounds bad, like i'm treating it like a research thing more than trying to learn... but i want to know like what kinds of things are like "typical behavior", i heard and read that like some kinds of anxiety tics are prominent like rocking back and forth and seeming high strung can happen too... and about the talking about it thing, i would just like to be able to bring it up and discuss it without me being really uncomfortable, i never know what to ask and i hate sounding rude :/

my advice is to do a little independent research first.

 

[Suiseiseki]

I always have and still do see AS as a dishonouring shame so refuse to speak about it, any issues I have I deal with by myself since they're all quite internal and I don't like dislike crowds or such things. I can function as a weird person basically.

 

[Suiseiseki]

This is all weird stuff since I very seldom have issues like this...

You can ask him what Asperger's feels like to him.

Sensory issues? Do certain lights or glare bother him, perfumes, scented candles (Gaack!), scented carpet and room sprays? Itchy clothing tags? Being around active, noisy children? Foods with weird textures? Going to restaurants with background chatter distracting him? Does he shrink from soft touches, but love firm touches? Hate hugs, but love initiating touching on his terms?
Tags suck I admit that, the only smell I dislike are insanely strong ones like cat pee, but who really likes that smell?
All foods are awesome, though I like some done certain ways, I generally am very good at completely ignoring everything around me, which lets me walk into a giant crowd and not get bothered at all.
I am fine with touching but don't touch people due to my own ideas of social faux pas.

Social stuff? Does it feel like other people all somehow know a secret code to getting along, making smalltalk, etc., and he doesn't? That can feel frustrating, confusing, embarrassing, and make socializing really draining.
I understand the concept of body language and that people use it, just have no idea how to grasp it to mimic it. Socializing can be draining, mostly because I don't like anyone.
I can carry on smalltalk quite well, usually I just steal ideas from other people and get ideas that way.
Of course it's embarrassing I feel like an embarrassment most times I speak.

Does he feel like superman when he excels at a project having to do with his special interest? This can feel really neat. Bonus if you ask questions or want to share an activity of some of his interests, too.
No it just makes it a bit easier, but I am capable of doing work of things I am not keen on, don't care if anyone ever brings up something I like

Has he got rituals that feel calming for him?
I do this, but no one ever sees me talking to my dolls.

Has he got a favorite special interest? (Warning: Get a cup of tea, a snack, and go potty first! The answer may be enthusiasm-fueled and take a while!)
I have a few but dislike speaking about them.

Does he have shutdowns (brainfog, lack of awareness, disassociation) when he's overwhelmed by sensory or social overload? When does that happen, at a crowded café, or during a 6-person get-together where someone's invited small kids along?
Never had that, drunk people are annoying so I just go off and read somewhere since I don't drink.

 

[NlGHTgirl]

You asked what is offensive?

I think starting a sentence with "YOU PEOPLE........ " seems like over generalizing, and even racist or sexist......... Just an idea, my humble opinion.

I LOVE the goofy, happy, singing, playing story you just recanted! OH my gosh! what fun!!!!!!! I LOVE IT! so happy!May you always have so Many blessings! : )