1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured My Aspie Man

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by wiserlady, Oct 12, 2020.

  1. Rae Ray

    Rae Ray Active Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    91
    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2020
    Karma:
    +189
    I find that if I am in need, I help others that have similar needs. Respectfully wiserlady, I also find that complaining about my circumstances and not doing anything about them gets me nowhere.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    140
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2020
    Karma:
    +247

    Haha... to me that sounds like focusing on oneself... language is such a trip! Totally agreed though :)
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. WeirdoGuy

    WeirdoGuy Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    54
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +60
    His behavior does not seem out of the ordinary for anyone (including neurotypicals). You have a disability and you rely on him for a lot of things. Whether you are with someone on the spectrum or a neurotypical, that partner will get worn out. It's not your fault, and there is nothing you're doing wrong, but being a caretaker for someone can be extremely exhausting.

    He does a lot for you, as you've said. Do you always let him know how much you appreciate that? If you post any types of memes or sayings on social media related to your disability, do those memes only talk about how difficult it is for you? Do they ever praise the one that has had to take on the role of a caretaker?

    Nitpicking on certain things can be related to Asperger's, but this is typically correcting technicalities. Nitpicking in the way you describe is coming from pent up frustration. If he feels like he constantly has to care for you, and is not getting any credit for it, he will get frustrated to the point where every single thing you do is an annoyance. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not blaming you at all, and I know the situation is very hard for you. Just understand that it is hard for him too.

    If you can think of any ways to show your appreciation for him, this can alleviate his frustration and reduce the nitpicking. I honestly don't think this is an aspie thing. I think it is a human thing. Being the caretaker is extremely difficult and can get very exhausting. Start letting him know that you understand how hard your disability is for him, let him know you acknowledge how much he does, and hopefully this helps your situation.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  4. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    689
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2019
    Karma:
    +855
    I would like to know for the OP (Original Poster) if her partner has been professionally diagnosed with Asperger's. Yes, autistics can and do hold down jobs. Yes, autistics can communicate freely with other people in a work/world setting (although a required criteria for an autism diagnosis according to the DSM V is to have a deficiency or difficulty with social communication). Yes autistics can be chatty and be social butterflies (not common though and even less common for autistic men then autistic women).

    However, with all the above "Yes's", autistic people are not energized by that level of social involvement. They come home and crash. They need down time and alone time to reset/recharge.

    If the OP's partner is extremely active during the workdays interacting continually with other people and comes home and is completely unaffected by that level of interaction than I have a very hard time believing the OP's partner is autistic.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    140
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2020
    Karma:
    +247

    He might be... I am/ was (covid) fairly gregarious and chatty. I like people in general and interacting with them. I look NT to most people. I still am utterly lost socially and by the end of the day, I have no energy.

    So maybe he is distant and uncaring because the of social toll... but he still has no right taking it out on or neglecting his partner. I always save enough energy for my wife... but she is aspie like me, so she gets the energy loss.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  6. Skeletor

    Skeletor Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    252
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +190
    All of this!

    That's why I love my Aspie girlfriend. I get her need for alone time and recharge time and she gets mine. I respect her interests and don't react to them like they are constantly cringeworthy or evidence of mental pathology. I don't think her pacing and talking to herself is weird. The list goes on.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  7. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    707
    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +969
    Do you think the orginal poster has run off due to the shoddy welcome? That would be unfortunate because you (collectively) have now come up with some good advice and many things to consider.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    140
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2020
    Karma:
    +247

    I would probably run off. I have seen this treatment of NTs on WP as well.

    One thing I would like to point out is that Neurotypicals have plenty of pain in their lives too. I feel the only way we can build bridges between all of our difference as humans is to try to be understanding of what others feel. I have been invalidated so often and lost so many people in my life due to my difference that I refuse to do that to another person. Our pain can be instructive and is an excellent way to build compassion.
     
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    140
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2020
    Karma:
    +247
    <off topic>

    BTW Rectify,

    I love your profile pic! Our magpies here are quite pretty but nowhere near as aggressive as the Australian ones. The most aggressive bird we have around here is pretty small... the rufous hummingbird. I have nearly been hit by one chasing another hummingbird (I am sure in hummingbird terms... it missed me by a mile).
    When the rufous come through on migration... they pretty much chase any bird of any size. I cannot image that brain in a bird the size of a magpie!

    </off topic>
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Skeletor

    Skeletor Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    252
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +190
    I'm unapologetic about the way I feel toward them. Their meanness and bullying toward a quiet person who just wanted to be left alone pretty much wrecked my childhood and teen years. As an adult I am sidelined and not treated with respect despite being good at my job. Every time I hear of another mass disaster incident brought about because of their bad society I just smile and hope no one on the spectrum was harmed.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    689
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2019
    Karma:
    +855
    I can understand your pain having been bullied myself including intensely and even physically when I was a kid. I hope you can work past how you feel for your own sake and get to a place where you can understand and accept that all NTs are not the same and as such all NTs are not a collective and are not co-architects of "their bad society".

    This is off topic though.
     
    • Winner Winner x 5
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

    Messages:
    479
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +917
    Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

    Buddha
     
    • Winner Winner x 6
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,065
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +10,876
    Yeah I don’t think she’s coming back.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Starfire

    Starfire Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    986
    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,437
    You come across in what you have written in your posts on this thread as nothing more than an arrogant bully! I’m not surprised you are not treated with respect regardless of how good you think you are at your job.

    I suspect your being sidelined is more to do with your appalling attitude than your competence at work, also respect is something which is earned not given because it’s demanded.

    ”Every time I hear of another mass disaster incident brought about because of their bad society I just smile and hope no one on the spectrum was harmed.”

    This is simply disturbing. Children being murdered in a bomb blast at a concert or families being blown apart or stabbed by terrorists for example, cause you to smile, provided there no one on the spectrum was involved! Wow, that is sick. I really hope you are getting some serious help or strong medication to help, you desperately need it.

    Your views in no way represent the autism community, and I would like to apologise to the OP for the appalling way you were treated. I thought this was supposed to be a civil forum where people used intelligence, considered thought, and perhaps gentle persuasion to influence or educate people coming here seeking answers, advice, or an alternative view of their issues regardless of how inarticulate or not they may be, looks like I was sadly wrong.
     
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  15. Skeletor

    Skeletor Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    252
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +190
    Not if you use tongs.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  16. Skeletor

    Skeletor Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    252
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2020
    Karma:
    +190
    My reviews are always great. I've been marginalized because I'm shy and don't fit in. I dislike playing their games. That's the truth and I don't care what you think.

    Anyway my childhood was endless assaults, thefts, and acts of property destruction. These things would be illegal if done by adults to other adults. I wasn't the one with the problem then as now, but was treated as if I was.
     
  17. Starfire

    Starfire Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    986
    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,437
    NO, PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY, YOU ARE VERY WELCOME HERE! That is of course provided you adhere to the same rules as every one else on this forum. We actually need more neurotypical people here to engage with not less IMO, especially parents in my view who could benefit greatly from engaging with people on the spectrum about their children on the spectrum, and the children themselves.

    “We want everyone's stay at Aspies Central to be a good one.”

    The rules are clear, “everyone” is welcome. Unfortunately, even those with a hateful, toxic, or irrational attitude towards neurotypical forum members.

    What I would say is GO AWAY NEUROTYPICAL HATERS, go and find another forum that caters for your sad and depressing views.

    Posting guidelines and members conduct also says -

    3. Racial, gender (sexist), neurological, and religious hatred/discrimination will not be tolerated.

    This needs to be enforced more robustly in my view.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  18. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    140
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2020
    Karma:
    +247
    My childhood was filled with this too. I was called tard, weirdo and roman nose (for some reason). I was almost bullied (I have a way of looking a tormentor in the eyes that stops them in their tracks). The worst was being insulted by people I cared about. I was abused in every way a child could be abused. I had my stuff trashed and occasionally stolen.

    My attitude is much different than this. I am kind hearted, caring and deeply passionate and loving. I think this is primarily because I NEVER want people to feel the horrible feelings that I did when I went through what I did.

    You may not have control over these things:
    The past
    The future
    Other people
    Your feelings

    you do have control over this one thing:
    Your attitude

    You are not the only person in pain on this planet... in fact (yeah Buddha) everyone suffers. A compassionate attitude towards yourself and others is the solution to this pain and anger.

    I will leave this here:
    The Mustard Seed
     
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  19. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,478
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +1,965
    There's always the option of NOT responding to a thread if you don't like what you read.

    This whole crusade against "neurotypicals" is getting really old and ridiculous.
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  20. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    35,082
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +25,399
    REMINDER

    If you come across something you find offensive or believe breaks the rules, report it to a member of staff using the report button. Do not reply to the thread. If you are having a problem with another member of the forums, you may contact a member of staff via Private Message about it.

    General Rules & Guidelines
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1