Mood swings....

[DogwoodTree]

...suck. I don't see how I can go from feeling so satisfied with my path in life and acutely aware of so many good things in the world...to feeling like a complete failure who is hopelessly selfish, dysfunctional, incapable, and just plain dying inside. I can't focus. I have no energy. I can't think straight. I'm convinced DH is tired and frustrated and mad at me for not being a "normal" wife, but he won't talk about it, and I can't help it. I'm doing the best I can. I feel like I've tried so hard to "show up" for him, to do things for him to help make up for what I can't do, and yet it's not enough. It's just. not. enough. He works so hard for me and for the kids...why can't I just give him what he wants in return?

Why do I want so badly to be with people and have friends when I never really make real connections with them anyway? I talk with people, but I feel like no one knows me. No one understands me. No one gets access to who I really am.

I'm trying to accept...

...there's no solution. There's no rescue. There's no cure. There's no end to this fight.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I don't know where to go from here. I'm so tired.

 

[The Penguin]

I saw your post and I also wrote a mood swing post too https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/mood-swings-and-triggers.8906/

It hard for me to comment right now as it 2:30AM, and very tired. But I wanted to share my post with you too so you don't feel alone. I promise to write a comment when I wake up. Hang in there.

 

[The Penguin]

I find it very hard for me to make friends. All the time people leave me. One point I charged myself just to fit in but this didn't work either. I decided the only people I will accept in my life have to accept me for who I'm.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I don't see how I can go from feeling so satisfied with my path in life and acutely aware of so many good things in the world...to feeling like a complete failure who is hopelessly selfish, dysfunctional, incapable, and just plain dying inside. I can't focus. I have no energy. I can't think straight.

Dogwood you stole the words right out of my mouth. I have fairly bad mood swings too. I can feel happy with myself and where i am one minute, and with one tiny little thing it'll all change and do a 180. I'll feel like a failure at life and have no energy, no motivation. I'll question everything about myself and hate myself for it. Its a nasty, vicious cycle.

 

[Cali Cat]

...I'm trying to accept...

...there's no solution. There's no rescue. There's no cure. There's no end to this fight.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I don't know where to go from here. I'm so tired.

Yep, I know the feeling. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that nothing will change the way things are. We are what we are, and all we can do is our best. Sometimes it isn't good enough for others or even for ourselves. However, it doesn't do any good to beat ourselves up over it. That won't changes things either.

I wish I could give you some helpful advice, but I'm in a similar situation myself. I don't have a husband and family to worry about, but I have a business partner and a career I'm trying to manage in my currently deteriorating state of mind. I'm the one around whom everything revolves. If I go down, the ship sinks. No pressure there.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I don't have a husband and family to worry about, but I have a business partner and a career I'm trying to manage in my currently deteriorating state of mind. I'm the one around whom everything revolves. If I go down, the ship sinks. No pressure there.

Yes, I didn't even mention the pressure with work. We're also building a business, and it's in that sink-or-swim stage still. There are so many times I've been on the verge of just giving up, but knowing we would lose our business helps keep me going.

 

[The Penguin]

Yes, I didn't even mention the pressure with work. We're also building a business, and it's in that sink-or-swim stage still. There are so many times I've been on the verge of just giving up, but knowing we would lose our business helps keep me going.

Having a business is hard. I just got accepted in a program with the government to start my own software company. There so much things I need to do but the training program is good as it will help me make fewer mistakes. I wish you well with your business venture.

 

[Time of the Butterflies]

...suck. I don't see how I can go from feeling so satisfied with my path in life and acutely aware of so many good things in the world...to feeling like a complete failure who is hopelessly selfish, dysfunctional, incapable, and just plain dying inside. I can't focus. I have no energy. I can't think straight. I'm convinced DH is tired and frustrated and mad at me for not being a "normal" wife, but he won't talk about it, and I can't help it. I'm doing the best I can. I feel like I've tried so hard to "show up" for him, to do things for him to help make up for what I can't do, and yet it's not enough. It's just. not. enough. He works so hard for me and for the kids...why can't I just give him what he wants in return?

Why do I want so badly to be with people and have friends when I never really make real connections with them anyway? I talk with people, but I feel like no one knows me. No one understands me. No one gets access to who I really am.

I'm trying to accept...

...there's no solution. There's no rescue. There's no cure. There's no end to this fight.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself. I don't know where to go from here. I'm so tired.

I am by now means where you are right now with a spouse and kids and everything, but you sound exactly like me. EXACTLY. I'm made happy by doing things with my little brother or other small things, but then I start to think that I'm absolutely hopeless and wasting my life being here. Why should I want friends when I never appreciate them or even relate to them in the end? People don't help me; only I can help myself. No one understands me.

But I understand everything you said. You sound just like me. When something doesn't go my way or when something doesn't look "nice," I don't know what to do. I feel agitated and trapped. And when I think that I have no use living here, all I can do is cry. It's just so tragic to think something like that.

You hang in there. Everything's going to be okay. Plant a garden. Thinking I may do that someday raises my spirits because it's something I can control that gives me something in return. And when you feel really low, remember that every single time there's something that raises you back up.