Tankgirlboy77
Well-Known Member
So... I had a strange day at work today where I essentially misunderstood someone's point about something and it touched a nerve, so I wrote them an email arguing against what I thought they had meant.
It was related to being bullied at school, and I misinterpreted what she was saying and heard it as saying people who are still hung up on the fact that they were bullied just need to grow up and get over it and stop playing the victim, we all had hard times at school so just leave it in the past already! It turns out she didn't really mean this, or at least she was just saying whatever came into her mind at that moment so she wasn't really aware of what she was saying.
Anyway, my email response to her was along the lines of, if you have few memories of being picked on at school and/or if they were easily forgotten, then you probably weren't properly bullied. And I tried to emphasise the pernicious nature of bullying, how it comes to convince you that you are in fact worthless and deserving of the mistreatment you receive. And how, because it happens in your formative years, it shapes the way you think about yourself and your relationships with other people for a large percentage of your early adult life. It's not a case of just growing up and getting over it, because you've internalised the negativity and now carry it with you and typically need a counsellor to help you to start to question the ingrained negative beliefs about yourself.
She claims she was not saying what I thought she was, although I still can't work out quite what she did mean. But instead of just replying to my email she followed me to the kitchen and cornered me and insisted we find somewhere to talk about it. Which we did do, but it was horrible. I really can't stand confrontation or talking about emotions with the person right there. I spent the whole time peering into my tea mug, just couldn't bare to make eye contact. She probably thinks I hate her, but even eye contact with best friends is difficult. And I got the sense she wanted me to be more upset than I was, or to emote in some manner and go over it all I again. But to my mind I'd said everything in the email, so what's the point of saying it emotionally, out loud and less clearly? How could that possibly help? I guess NTs like this way. Seems unhelpful to me.
Towards the end she said we hardly know each other. Someone has said that before to me after a different disagreement. Are they trying to say something to me when they say this? Because it has both times struck me as a strange thing to say. Both times I've felt that I know them quite well. Especially this person at work I feel I know her and she knows me quite well. But she's saying she hardly knows me. This is a strange disconnection between our minds. I guess even my friendliest behaviour seems distant to NTs...? What do they want from me to be able to define it in their minds as 'knowing well'? And what has this got to do with having a discussion with someone? Am I being stupid?
It was related to being bullied at school, and I misinterpreted what she was saying and heard it as saying people who are still hung up on the fact that they were bullied just need to grow up and get over it and stop playing the victim, we all had hard times at school so just leave it in the past already! It turns out she didn't really mean this, or at least she was just saying whatever came into her mind at that moment so she wasn't really aware of what she was saying.
Anyway, my email response to her was along the lines of, if you have few memories of being picked on at school and/or if they were easily forgotten, then you probably weren't properly bullied. And I tried to emphasise the pernicious nature of bullying, how it comes to convince you that you are in fact worthless and deserving of the mistreatment you receive. And how, because it happens in your formative years, it shapes the way you think about yourself and your relationships with other people for a large percentage of your early adult life. It's not a case of just growing up and getting over it, because you've internalised the negativity and now carry it with you and typically need a counsellor to help you to start to question the ingrained negative beliefs about yourself.
She claims she was not saying what I thought she was, although I still can't work out quite what she did mean. But instead of just replying to my email she followed me to the kitchen and cornered me and insisted we find somewhere to talk about it. Which we did do, but it was horrible. I really can't stand confrontation or talking about emotions with the person right there. I spent the whole time peering into my tea mug, just couldn't bare to make eye contact. She probably thinks I hate her, but even eye contact with best friends is difficult. And I got the sense she wanted me to be more upset than I was, or to emote in some manner and go over it all I again. But to my mind I'd said everything in the email, so what's the point of saying it emotionally, out loud and less clearly? How could that possibly help? I guess NTs like this way. Seems unhelpful to me.
Towards the end she said we hardly know each other. Someone has said that before to me after a different disagreement. Are they trying to say something to me when they say this? Because it has both times struck me as a strange thing to say. Both times I've felt that I know them quite well. Especially this person at work I feel I know her and she knows me quite well. But she's saying she hardly knows me. This is a strange disconnection between our minds. I guess even my friendliest behaviour seems distant to NTs...? What do they want from me to be able to define it in their minds as 'knowing well'? And what has this got to do with having a discussion with someone? Am I being stupid?
