Misunderstanding NT's

[stigmatic]

so, recently went on a date with this one girl and I told her about this one guy that she knows who recently had a girl break up with him cause he's pretty mean. Anyways, I didn't know this at the time, but at one point she had feelings for him. So a day later and she hung out with this same guy at her house. She was telling me how she likes me, would get jealous if another girl was talking to me, and even fed me on the date, which felt weird.
Anyways, is it weird to think that maybe she may like this guy? Cuz if she liked me so much she would've invited me over or something on Saturday right? I don't really wanna invest time and money into something that won't last.

(Disclaimer: only 20yrs old and she's not much younger.)

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hard to say. She might just be feeling compassionate, want to catch up on the news with the other guy. She could also be hoping to string you both along. Is she always really effusive and vocal?

Feeding...romantically, usually doesn't happen unless you've been going for a bit, but again, could be just who she is. It's also a sign of caretaking. At 20, or less, some of this is experimental behavior, so ascribing meaning to it is probably premature. IMHO, and worth what you paid for it

 

[stigmatic]

From what I've been told, yeah she'll like multiple people... Yeah, I could see that. My brother told me that she never talked to him when he was in a relationship.

I've been told the same from a friend that they usually don't feed you until it's lasted awhile.

I dunno, I'd like to text her tonight, but I really don't want to waste my time especially if there is just hurt at the end. She was probably the first one that treated me normal and I guess that's why I'm so decisive and scared.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

so, recently went on a date with this one girl and I told her about this one guy that she knows who recently had a girl break up with him cause he's pretty mean. Anyways, I didn't know this at the time, but at one point she had feelings for him. So a day later and she hung out with this same guy at her house. She was telling me how she likes me, would get jealous if another girl was talking to me, and even fed me on the date, which felt weird.
Anyways, is it weird to think that maybe she may like this guy? Cuz if she liked me so much she would've invited me over or something on Saturday right? I don't really wanna invest time and money into something that won't last.

(Disclaimer: only 20yrs old and she's not much younger.)

Are you saying you saw this guy at her house right after you went out with her?

 

[stigmatic]

No no, he was at her house on Saturday I took her on a date Wednesday.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

No no, he was at her house on Saturday I took her on a date Wednesday.

Forget the feeding stuff. With women these days that can happen on the first "get together" or date - if that's what it was. If this guy was at her house then they are pretty chummy still and I wouldn't be surprised if what you told her about him slips out if her mouth. If it were me, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of some love triangle. Him at her house is just too fishy to me, especially after you had went out with her and said something about him.

Wait. Are you meaning he was at her house BEFORE you went out with her? (Because today is Mon).

 

[stigmatic]

He was at her before the date. I should've set the setting better. Sorry, sorry! I don't care if she tells him or not because he's not my friend. Used to be my brother's friend, but I don't think they're really good friends.

Ah, I remember her mentioning this guy before and she didn't seem like she really liked him. Said he got drunk and stuff, but now she's sorta chummy with him?

I do like her, but one of the big things is that it seemed like she cared about me. It's new to me because any girl I've tried to get involved has told me to leave them alone or made fun of me. My ex just sorta used me and cheated on me. Kinda wish I could tell this recent girl this stuff, but it probably sounds weird.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I wouldn't tell anything bad that happened to you about past gf until you actually have something solid with someone and you can really trust them. I'd keep things light right now and not expect a lot since that other guy is actually at her house. If she treated you decently then by all means ask her out again on a nice "date" preferably on a Fri or Sat which is date night. If she can't then you know where you stand since that other guy was actually at her house on a Saturday. I don't know how you found that info out but don't tell her cause it will look like you're stalking her. You get what I'm saying?

 

[stigmatic]

Well, she told me that after I told her that my brother's friends spent the night. Included in those friends was an ex of her's and the ex of the guy that was over her house on Saturday.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I would just ask her out like I mentioned above and take it slow and see what happens.

 

[Judge]

Sometimes it pays to take things at face value and not over-think them. Let sequence guide you here. The other guy visited her on Saturday. Since then she dated you on Wednesday. Clearly you both seem to have gotten a positive vibe from it. Go from there...and don't bring other guys up at all. Let this be about only you and her.

Perspective: You're at the dating stage. It's too soon to make assumptions that reflect the dynamics of a relationship. (Even if she did "feed" you!) Sometimes you just have to be patient...just like a friendship that slowly turns into something better. Sometimes the only way to really know if something has any promise, is to take a leap of faith.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

(Even if she did "feed" you!)

This feeding thing keeps coming up. Is being fed a big thing to Aspies?

 

[Judge]

This feeding thing keeps coming up. Is being fed a big thing to Aspies?

I don't think it's a gesture reflecting any particular neurology. But it does reflect someone who could be anywhere from playful to tender. Too difficult to interpret such a gesture IMO. No gal has ever done that to me....

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I don't think it's a gesture reflecting any particular neurology. But it does reflect someone who could be anywhere from playful to tender. Too difficult to interpret such a gesture IMO.

I'll usually give food to someone if they are with me and I'm eating. It's a little rude to eat in front of someone.

 

[Judge]

I'll usually give food to someone if they are with me and I'm eating. It's a little rude to eat in front of someone.

Hmmmm. I'm just assuming they were both eating at the time....but that she gave him a spoonful of whatever she was eating. You know..."Here- try this." That sort of thing.

Funny to ponder how I would react in real time to such a thing. I guess it would really depend on who did it...and how intimately I knew them.

 

[stigmatic]

Mmmmm... I'll try it. Hopefully things go well!

Feeding thing: It was weird. That's just never happened to me and when I see it in movies and stuff it usually means something. That's the whole reason I mentioned it.

 

[stigmatic]

Sometimes it pays to take things at face value and not over-think them. Let sequence guide you here. The other guy visited her on Saturday. Since then she dated you on Wednesday. Clearly you both seem to have gotten a positive vibe from it. Go from there...and don't bring other guys up at all. Let this be about only you and her.

Perspective: You're at the dating stage. It's too soon to make assumptions that reflect the dynamics of a relationship. (Even if she did "feed" you!) Sometimes you just have to be patient...just like a friendship that slowly turns into something better. Sometimes the only way to really know if something has any promise, is to take a leap of faith.

First time really posting a lot sooo didn't know how to quote. Anyways: we went out on Wednesday then saw hung out with him or whatever on the Saturday after.

 

[Judge]

Mmmmm... I'll try it. Hopefully things go well!

Feeding thing: It was weird. That's just never happened to me and when I see it in movies and stuff it usually means something. That's the whole reason I mentioned it.

Agreed. It would be VERY weird to me on a first date!

 

[stigmatic]

Agreed. It would be VERY weird to me on a first date!

Yeah, I mean, I really didn't expect it. I tried feeding her, but it just felt awkward, but we laughed about it.

 

[Judge]

Anyways: we went out on Wednesday then saw hung out with him or whatever on the Saturday after.

Ouch....forget everything I posted then. So I take it YOU actually saw him at her house after the fact?

If that's the case, then you simply had a nice date and nothing more. You can ask her out again...but it may simply be a date to her and little else. Not really enough to make any assumptions one way or another.

Is there a possibility that she wanted you to see him at her house? How did that manage to happen?

Of course I'm assuming you really don't know what he was doing there at the time either. Jealousy is a weird thing to me. When I don't express it I usually get into trouble. But then I suppose being manipulated into jealousy can be equally bad too.