When I try to pass as NT in public or in social situations, it is very exhausting and tiring. Please reply to this thread.
1. Have you ever tried to mask your autism or pass as NT in public or in social situations?
2. Why did you try to pass as NT?
3. What was your experience like, and was it exhausting or tiring?
This is from the perspective of a 56yr old who works in healthcare and education. Whether I am dealing with my co-workers, my patient's families, my students,...there is an expectation,...social norms. In my experience,...after many years of NOT knowing I had an ASD,...and now knowing I do,...I approach things a bit differently. When I have 50 years of my life THINKING I know how to act,...but then after my diagnosis and research, was somewhat mortified at how wrong I was,...and why. That's some handy information.
I am always using my internal monologue when I am dealing with people. It's like my brain has this "default" setting,...my autism,...and then, my "little voice" in my head saying,...
"OK, so in this situation, you need to enhance your social reciprocity, act interested in the other person, ask questions, look them in the eye, calm-assertive behavior,...." In other situations, the "little voice" might say,...
"You are the senior member, the mentor, the educator, the team leader,...be that person."
That said, I am often given a work load that exceeds my ability to do in a timely manner,...and then, I have to deal with emergency situations, deliveries of babies, running labs on our machines,...a bunch of stuff that just randomly pops up that I can't plan for,...and I still have to be the helper and resource person on a busy 110-bed intensive care unit. Do I get mentally exhausted? Very much so. However, I try to pace myself and will slip into the locker room or a restroom to take a 5-10 min "mini break" when I can,...just to gather myself.
As a person with an ASD, I am very self-aware of myself, my environment, and the people I am interacting with. I can say with some confidence, as much as I try, there are situations where I know I am doing a poor job of "masking",...but from a customer service perspective,...from a professional perspective,...I still have to try. Some of my close co-workers know I am autistic, my students know I am autistic,...and when I run into specific situations where it is appropriate, I will simply say,
"Sorry, I am autistic and having some difficulty with,...". There are times when I just need to be myself,...especially when I am mentally exhausted,...as it becomes increasingly difficult to be "in character",...and furthermore, it's these situations when my sensory issues act up and I just want to crawl into a quiet, dark corner and close my eyes. I withdrawal socially and communicatively.
I am not in a situation professionally where I can run on my "default" setting. Within this context, my masking is not about,...or for myself,...as I am a representative for the organization that I work for.