“Rasputin” is the fourth individual from the left in this old high school photo. Me and the three individuals to my left were practically invisible all through high school, possibly all four of us neurodivergent. I recognized that I was different from first grade on, and intentionally created an enigma persona. Social interactions were awkward, so I avoided them altogether. I was a mystery all through school and later through my university education. I did not date until I was 28, and established in my job. You can tell I am masking in the photo, because of the blank expression indicating I had blocked out the perception of all people in attendance at the play. Some people look down or away to avoid eye contact; I focused on an area where there were no people.
The guy standing to my left was very similar, but was bullied all through school. I was not bullied much, because of my size and the fact that I was such an enigma. We were both considered “brains” in our class, me as a math and science whiz and he as a know it all full of memorized facts and statistics. We both went to a local university, but I don’t know much about him now other than he is a recluse. I learned social skills after graduating from university, have had a career spanning 40 years, and now have two Masters degrees and a PhD.
The two girls to our left were similarly enigmatic, but did not stand out to me in any way. It’s interesting that there was no screening for autism for people in my generation (late baby boomer); we had to learn to adapt to overcome any developmental disabilities on our own, with varying degrees of success.
Having masked for over 60 years, I don’t know if it is possible to not mask. However, since my diagnosis two years ago I don’t really attempt to hide the ASD. I am what I am, take it or leave it.
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