Loudmouthedness

[Equilar]

I have Aspergers, and i have been told my voice fluctuates wildy up and down when im talking sometimes. I was wanting to know, does this happen to other people, and if so, are there any tips to combat this annoying behavior.

 

[poey]

i get told i get loud sometimes.
My partner says, "Library voice" and it seems to work on getting me to talk more quietly.

 

[Aalo]

I too sometimes get the feeling that I'm too vocal or hoarse, but it's not something that I'd like to ask about people all the time. But I can't observe it reliable myself either. I might be too far in my own thoughts to realize any hints from other people's facial expressions or such. I know, that if I realize doing that, I can control it to some extent, but unless someone told me, there's really not much one alone can do.
There are also times that I think I might be too loud, but think that it'd be too odd to lower voice suddenly, so I continue my shouting. How clever.

 

[abinun1987]

My family members will often tell me "Why are you yelling?" or "Stop being so loud". It usually only happens when I'm rambling or excited. I never even notice it and I usually hate it when people tell me to quiet down... it's not like I'm meaning to do it, it just happens!

 

[Ylva]

Whenever I examine this tendency in me, I find that I felt I wasn't being heard. I suppose that this is the logical response when people don't hear you, even if it isn't a matter of loudness? I get that people don't find things as interesting as I do. I don't know what to do about it.

 

[SUM1]

Oh my God this is such a common thing with Asperger's! My friend has it, and he talks very loudly even with his normal voice (like people around him within a 500m radius can hear him sometimes when he shouts), and I've been told TONNES of times that I have an extremely quiet voice. To me it sounds like an absolutely perfectly normal volume, and it feels like everyone around me is slightly deaf because they're always getting me to repeat myself.

 

[rhubarbo]

This is super-common in our ilk.

I generally hear that either I am shouting or people say I am mumbling (talking too quietly). Over the years I tend not to fluctuate as dramatically.

Like all things, it's related to sensory input and/or things I find exciting.

 

[Aalo]

It's not until very recently that I heard also from others about this reluctance to change tone even after realizing on is too loud.
Might some of you have found a reason for that? Feeling that engaging any sudden changes would feel more suspicious and draw attention or just a rationalization over one's inability to control over self? Or if loudness really does correlate zeal, is it just impossible to adjust on the run?

Oh, and I remembered my problem on controlling my tone in situations when I'm asking a question at lecture or such. In cases I want to be loud and clear, I still won't have no idea telling if I deliver too strong voice.

 

[Ylva]

Mine is always either too loud or too soft, as if I have no sense of golden means. In other people, I have observed that they often speak loudly to when you mumble, and vice versa. I do not think that is my reason, although it is interesting. I think I just subconsciously gauge the listening ability of the other person and, still unconsciously, speak louder the less attention they are paying.

Now, I attribute that to my inability to tell the difference between rhetorical questions, polite questions and actual questions. I perceive them all as the latter.

 

[_Josh_]

Yes I do this. With me it's just like what abinun1987 said. I tend to speak really loudly when excited about something, rambling about something, or when I get on my "soapbox" as my parents call it. I don't intend to speak so loudly either. But also I sometimes speak too softly to some people which leads them to ask me to repeat myself and I tend to speak too loudly in return and get funny looks. In public when I need to ask a question to someone, or someone asks me a question or greets me, I tend to do this, but I also tend to mumble and/or fumble with my words which causes myself some aggravation which could possibly lead to the louder voice than is intended.

 

[anne.bc]

I am just often told that I'm too loud or that I have said too much, and that my tone suggests that I think everyone is stupid... other than that last one, I don't care! That's how I talk! lol!!!!! I just wish we could run the world on bluntness sometimes. We'd be so much more productive, if you think about it. :laugh:

 

[Fox]

I was a loud kid. I didn't know what an indoor voice was. Partially because I was sick of the other kids not listening to what I said. Now I understand why!

These days I've learned to keep it down since the walls in my house are paper thin. When I get mad or excited though I get louder at an exponential rate.

 

[xubly]

Wow, I thought this was just me too. My voice tends to get louder and louder whenever I talk to someone. I've been told that I sound too enthusiastic or too blunt and cold with words. It must be my lack of emotions not surfacing the way I would like them to. Now, I try hard to show my emotions in the 'right way', so that I won't be misunderstood. I have realized, however, everyone talks on different levels which makes it much easier to think what someone said would be hurtful to hear or happy to hear. In my opinion, there are too many misunderstandings through conversing, sigh. I wish there was only one language we all could comprehend together, but I guess that would make us all the same. Maybe being different is better? Anyway, don't mind me, this was just food for thoughts.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I've been accused of it myself. Personally, I don't think I am that loud compared to other people, however, what I think isn't important. I have learned that if you are loud, people don't listen to your words, all they hear is loud. It doesn't matter if you are angry, or upset, or excited about something, all they hear is loud and they stop listening. Some may tell you "Shh!" Others may not. You may think that this isn't a big deal and others should just deal with it. Well, they do. They just let you go on being you and they go on being them.

There is a young man in my community that I believe is on the spectrum. He hangs around the coffee shop and the fried chicken place because he has nowhere else to go and they are about the only places that will tolerate him. I have had a chance to observe how he interacts with others and how they interact with him. For example, he freely interrupts other customers while they are placing orders and they have to wait for him to finish his lengthy monologues before they can continue. The owners don't say--as they would to "normal" customers--"hold that thought a minute" or "excuse me, I have to get this person." No, he just barges in and they let him, because apparently they have learned that he is unstoppable. And they hope that the customer is understanding and won't decide to go somewhere else. Otherwise, they've lost a sale. So it's an awkward thing to have him hanging around.

A while back, he applied for a job at a pizza place. The owner did not turn him down, but he did not hire him either. He just said, "come back later." So the kid comes back, and nope, not now, later. What he doesn't realize is that there is no job and never will be a job. Why does the owner play such games? I don't know. Maybe it's because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. Maybe he is aware that if he comes right out and tells the young man why he won't hire him--why nobody will hire him--he may be opening himself up to charges of discrimination. The point I am making is this young man is tolerated but not really wanted. People feel sorry for him but not sorry enough to coach him or if they have, have found that it is a waste of effort.

So when someone tells me to modify an aspect of my behavior--even if I might not agree--I make an effort to comply. Because I've seen what happens otherwise.

 

[Goose Girl]

I definitely speak too loudly and I have to consciously force myself to become aware of it, and tone it down. People frequently seem to say to me things like "We should...probably keep our voices down a bit..."

The really weird thing is, when I was a child I went through a prolonged stage of life in which I basically a selective mute. I could barely speak up in class and in school and social situations, but I was fine at home and could talk to family normally. When I did speak in school it was a barely audible whisper and I was painfully shy and withdrawn. A teacher realized I had a problem and pushed me into the most public of public speaking by getting me to take part in the daily morning assembly "readings" we did at our school, just small prayers and inspirational passages. Oddly enough, I was okay with it because it was all scripted.

I came out of my shell much more as I grew up and grew older, to the point where now I'm middle aged and don't often modulate my voice at all! It's like I'm making up for my silent childhood and yelling now instead of whispering.

I do find it embarrassing because I really don't manage to keep a handle on it very well.

 

[MoCoffee]

I used to have the problem of speaking too softly, but over time, I've learned to modulate my voice better thanks to singing lessons.

 

[Judge]

Interesting thread. Can't say I'm loud.

If you have a hearing difficulty, I'm liable to drive you crazy with a forgettable midrange monotone voice that seldom goes up or down.

How do I sound? Like my Aspie stare I suppose.

 

[Sparticus]

When very young I had a soft voice. As an adult I've sometimes had a loud voice. But with so many people telling me this I'm more self aware
and take pains not to be too "happy" when meeting an acquaintaince. Or not talk too loud in public. But ocassionally I can get carried away & then realize the Clones [other people] are looking at me in a disapproving way! It's as if there is an unwritten social rule "don't be too happy" or "don't get too passionate" etc.

 

[ifightdragons]

This is the bane of my existence! Ok, that's a bit melodramatic. But I can totally relate though - it always leaves me holding back and silently moderating my every reaction while conversing with casual friends. It effectively removes a great deal of joy and genuine excitement for me in social participation. When I'm free to be myself with every quirk and missteps, I'm happy as a clam!

How can you tell if a clam is happy? Are they generally a happy species? Am I asking too many questions?

It's as if there is an unwritten social rule "don't be too happy" or "don't get too passionate" etc.

 

[Sparticus]

No way! Really? Me too. Sucks doesn't it? Why can't we just be ourselves? Anyway there's a Peruvian guy next door who's just like me. We have deep conversations. He was a pro photographer like me. But most other people...ack! I have to monitor & censure myself. It's only the last 6 months that I'm "learning" not to be too happy when I see someone I like. But it's a painful experience-sometimes I'm a slow learner & I'm still learning this.

It's not melodramatic. It's true. Some people are very brusque...thickskinned & suspicious of every smile or loud voice? I think they work for the Vocal Cord Patrol? ;D Maybe we should wear a suit everyday, no a Tuxedo...yes that's it. Have a chaffuer drive us around as we smoke our pipes...and point out the window "you there! Ya want a job...ok I hire you to be my Coach of uninspiration. Whenever I get too passionate around people, YOU take over!"

Ok I over did that a bit...must be the late hour What has helped me was going to support groups I have learned to tone it down. But still...I'm shocked every time I overdo it. Dam you Zeus! Hera, hear me now...psst and I'll be around at 10pm when Zeus is sleeping...

Posting here and reading other posts has really really helped me. Whether it's my voice which can get loud & happy or even just socially not connecting...in the right way...I'm a Master as social diseasters!

Happy as a clam...hmm interesting. I like that anology & won't bore you with my stories of Maine. Oh...they were mussells.

This is the bane of my existence! Ok, that's a bit melodramatic. But I can totally relate though - it always leaves me holding back and silently moderating my every reaction while conversing with casual friends. It effectively removes a great deal of joy and genuine excitement for me in social participation. When I'm free to be myself with every quirk and missteps, I'm happy as a clam!

How can you tell if a clam is happy? Are they generally a happy species? Am I asking too many questions?