Ladies: What is Your Definition of a "Nice" Guy?

[Cali Cat]

I listened and understand, Besides my lower than low socioeconomic status means that I'm too poor to do drugs.

Well, you're exceptional, Rayner. Most kids aren't bright enough to listen. I'd be proud to have a son like you.

 

[Catlover614]

True. Not everyone has an addictive personality for the same stimulus, and for some, quitting bad habits may be relatively easy. But you don't know who you are until you're way into it.

For example, I am addicted to Coca-Cola and cigarettes. They are hard and steadfast addictions, but I drank alcohol heavily and regularly for years, and one day I just quit. I now drink occasionally, but I never experience cravings for it. Never did. Same thing with cocaine. Did it for months when my first husband used to trade it for weed he grew. When the weed ran out, we quit doing the cocaine. We were lucky. That wasn't an addictive trigger for us.

Basically, if I could get young people to understand anything, it would be to stay away from these behaviors and substances entirely to avoid life long problems. The "fun" you may experience in doing them isn't worth the risk. Too bad kids never listen.

Cali Cat ,you are very talented in your writing and explanation skills. Every reply you make is an intelligent one. When I go to make a reply, you've already given the perfect answer.

 

[Catlover614]

Well, you're exceptional, Rayner. Most kids aren't bright enough to listen. I'd be proud to have a son like you.

Me too Rayner, you'd make me a very proud momma!

 

[Rayner]

Thank you Cali Cat. I wish my parents would say the same.

Well, you're exceptional, Rayner. Most kids aren't bright enough to listen. I'd be proud to have a son like you.

 

[Rayner]

Thank You Catlover. That's kind of you too say

Me too Rayner, you'd make me a very proud momma!

 

[Catlover614]

Thank You Catlover. That's kind of you too say

No problem, Kelly is a lucky girl!

 

[Cali Cat]

Thank you Cali Cat. I wish my parents would say the same.

They like to say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and usually that's true, but every once in awhile an apple just rolls away and keeps on rolling. I think that's what happened in your case, and in mine. Our parents didn't understand us, so they didn't appreciate us.

 

[Cali Cat]

Catlover614 ... thank you!! I appreciate the compliment.

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614 ... thank you!! I appreciate the compliment.

You're welcome.

 

[Rayner]

That's good way to look at.

They like to say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and usually that's true, but every once in awhile an apple just rolls away and keeps on rolling. I think that's what happened in your case, and in mine. Our parents didn't understand us, so they didn't appreciate us.

 

[Rayner]

Kelly isn't near as lucky as I am.

No problem, Kelly is a lucky girl!

 

[Maelstrom]

Sigh! you know I carried the baby, held the purse helped with shopping, babysat in the car while my ex-girlfriend did her interviews for her first nursing job, put up with crazy mom shoving rings in my hand after she was told to stay out of it. All this and in the end I was told I was sweet, and nice and she still loved me but I was not aggressive enough!...Barrf! city!

And Ironically I had made her promise me not to date me if aggressiveness was going to be a issue....as I noticed she seemed to go for aggressive abusive guys in the past.

So I am not feeling the nice guy thing too much....maybe you girls should be more detailed on what you really want up front from a guy, and not waste our time and money?

I don't think bait and switch is not very kind in dating, or very fair!

Don't date a apple if you really want a orange is what I'm saying...and it is not my problem if there aren't enough oranges to go around...don't expect much sympathy from us apples getting passed over! it really isn't funny for us!

Sorry! Maelstrom

 

[Cali Cat]

Maelstrom : It's like I keep saying, it's not always an issue of a guy being nice. Sometimes, the girl isn't nice and uses a nice guy for what she can get, or until something "better" comes along.

Celebrate your "niceness," but watch out for those who are not.

 

[Maelstrom]

Maelstrom : It's like I keep saying, it's not always an issue of a guy being nice. Sometimes, the girl isn't nice and uses a nice guy for what she can get, or until something "better" comes along.

Celebrate your "niceness," but watch out for those who are not.

Thank you Cali Cat ,Sigh! it is hard to tell that sometimes...the bad ones like to ducktape the sheeps wool on thick, endless sob stories...but the black clouds follow them for a reason.

 

[Cosmophylla]

What about addiction to being healthy, or gaining knowledge?

Sorry, I didn't see your question.

If these activities aren't harming the addict (and importantly, they aren't harming anyone else, either), there isn't a problem. Addiction can have a physical, physiological and psychological effect on the addict, but the addiction can affect others around them, as well. At first, the effects may be benign - who doesn't want to be healthy? And what Aspie dislikes gaining knowledge? But over time these can also become problematic when the pursuit of the goal/stimulus overshadows other aspects of the addict's life. When you neglect responsibilities in favour of procuring the stimulus, for example.

When I originally wrote "not addicted to anything" I considered explaining what I meant in more detail but decided against it. At the time I didn't feel like saying my ex husband is a porn addict who rejected me because he got more gratification from images of sportswomen. I didn't think it was really relevant to the post.

Some addictions may seem harmless at first but the nature of addiction is that of harmful compulsion. Otherwise it would be called "interest", "fascination", "hobby", etc. There may be a similar response in the brain (dopamine, etc.) but over time an addiction will change the way your brain releases neurotransmitters.

Some people are more prone to addiction. I don't know if there is a genetic component to it but it certainly seems so with my husband (and me, before I had to stop drinking). And there seems to be a psychological background to addiction: something from the formative years that leaves an individual with a need to find satisfaction. But this is fairly universal... I'm not sure how much childhood wounds contribute to addiction in adulthood, but I was certainly wounded (as was my husband (number two)) and I definitely have an addictive nature because I'm searching for a resolution to that pain. Something for me to look into further sometime.

This response turned out longer than intended.

 

[Cali Cat]

Thank you Cali Cat ,Sigh! it is hard to tell that sometimes...the bad ones like to ducktape the sheeps wool on thick, endless sob stories...but the black clouds follow them for a reason.

Sob stories are often a red flag. Most people get themselves into bad situations because they are attracted to the wrong people. I'm assuming stories of abusive relationships.

Not to offend other women who have been in physically abusive relationships, but there's something they are attracted to in that kind of man. A nice guy isn't going to fill those shoes unless that woman has done some psychological renovation on herself and learned a lesson from it. Old habits die hard, and I would avoid anyone just coming out of a dysfunctional relationship.

The thing is, sometimes women will "try on a nice guy for size" after leaving an aggressive man, just as sort of a breather. However, as soon as she starts longing for that which attracted her to the jerk to begin with, she's off to the races again. It's kind of an addiction really, and I don't know if it's excitement and drama, the negative attention or what, but many of those women will return to jerks over and over again, often leaving a trail of "nice guys" in her wake.

 

[Cali Cat]

I'm not exactly exuding class from every pore, but I still think I'm a nice guy.

Yes, you are one of the good guys, Rayner.

 

[Rayner]

What's that supposed to mean? The Rayner is confused as usual.

Yes, you are one of the good guys, Rayner.

 

[clg114]

Sob stories are often a red flag. Most people get themselves into bad situations because they are attracted to the wrong people. I'm assuming stories of abusive relationships.

Not to offend other women who have been in physically abusive relationships, but there's something they are attracted to in that kind of man. A nice guy isn't going to fill those shoes unless that woman has done some psychological renovation on herself and learned a lesson from it. Old habits die hard, and I would avoid anyone just coming out of a dysfunctional relationship.

The thing is, sometimes women will "try on a nice guy for size" after leaving an aggressive man, just as sort of a breather. However, as soon as she starts longing for that which attracted her to the jerk to begin with, she's off to the races again. It's kind of an addiction really, and I don't know if it's excitement and drama, the negative attention or what, but many of those women will return to jerks over and over again, often leaving a trail of "nice guys" in her wake.

This is something that I will never, ever understand. Why do they keep going back? Maybe you are right, maybe it is a type of addiction.

 

[Mia]

What's that supposed to mean? The Rayner is confused as usual.

Even from your writing some women can tell that you are a good guy, one who's honest and not a fake pretending to be someone else. Don't ask me how I know that, it's a gut feeling young man.