Job Interview Anxiety, Overload & Shutdown?

[icesyckel]

It is really lying though because when acting people know you're acting a character, where as interviewing aren't you excepted be "real"? I'm really confused on this. At least at dancing people should be assuming I'm playing the part of the stripper, so it is lying but I'm filling the role of stripper for their entertainment. How does this apply to regular jobs such as working in a restaurant or an office where your job isn't directly entertaining the masses.

Well, it may not be as obvious when you're playacting in an interview as it is when you're clinging to a pole, but it's still pretty obvious. Some psych years ago told companies to interview with personality tests, and many of them just started and keep doing it. The people who give you the test usually are just following HR protocols. They're actually expecting you to lie to some degree. Everyone puts their best act on for an interview. It can't be a lie if the interviewers know about it.

Before I interview people, I scope them out on social media - just a warning.

 

[Questella]

Well, it may not be as obvious when you're playacting in an interview as it is when you're clinging to a pole, but it's still pretty obvious. Some psych years ago told companies to interview with personality tests, and many of them just started and keep doing it. The people who give you the test usually are just following HR protocols. They're actually expecting you to lie to some degree. Everyone puts their best act on for an interview. It can't be a lie if the interviewers know about it.

Before I interview people, I scope them out on social media - just a warning.

None of my social media is attached to my legal name, and I would never put my alias on an application. I would probably drop social media altogether before ever putting my legal name on it. Even my email accounts use my alias. I had made two email accounts with the legal name for online applications and nothing else. Though they are completely bogged down with junk mail now from putting the addresses on so many applications that apparently just sell you. If I started trying again I'd probably have to make another new one. I just use the standard [email protected] for job seeking purposes. Everything else is my alias (also my stage name now but goes back to middle school for me) or my handle (questella). I had to change my legal name after college because hearing my old name gave me meltdowns from years and years of being picked on and bullied. So you can't even find my high school information from looking up my legal name now.

 

[icesyckel]

I just use the standard [email protected] for job seeking purposes.

Yeah, me too, though I didn't need the meaningless number, as I am older than the Internet and had first dibs

I had to change my legal name after college because hearing my old name gave me meltdowns from years and years of being picked on and bullied. So you can't even find my high school information from looking up my legal name now.

That sucks about the bullying - sorry But it's pretty cool that your HS identity is totally off the grid.

 

[Questella]

Yeah, me too, though I didn't need the meaningless number, as I am older than the Internet and had first dibs



That sucks about the bullying - sorry But it's pretty cool that your HS identity is totally off the grid.

Was only 125$ for the name change including the newspaper ad you have to take out. The best 125$ I ever spent to be honest.

 

[Gritches]

I had to change my legal name after college because hearing my old name gave me meltdowns from years and years of being picked on and bullied. So you can't even find my high school information from looking up my legal name now.

Sad subject matter, but that is the single coolest thing I have heard all day. For a long time I've been thinking about doing the same thing for the very same reason, but you actually pulled the trigger and did it. Mad respect.

Diverting a bit, but you're clearly happy with the decision. Can I ask how you handled the switch? By that I mean that I haven't done it because I figure that I'd feel like a fake, like I'd still know and feel like I was "D.S." no matter what I told everyone else my name was. I mean, I can see all sorts of issues of personal identity applying to a name change, did you experience anything of the sort or am I really overthinking it? If that's not terribly clear I guess what I'm looking for is just generally to hear about your experience with changing your name.

Sorry for the uninvited and possibly intrusive questions, I just don't see myself getting this opportunity again and it's a decision I'd like to make one way or the other. I'd just really appreciate it if you'd do me the favor of indulging me with whatever you're okay with sharing. Thank you

 

[Questella]

Sad subject matter, but that is the single coolest thing I have heard all day. For a long time I've been thinking about doing the same thing for the very same reason, but you actually pulled the trigger and did it. Mad respect.

Diverting a bit, but you're clearly happy with the decision. Can I ask how you handled the switch? By that I mean that I haven't done it because I figure that I'd feel like a fake, like I'd still know and feel like I was "D.S." no matter what I told everyone else my name was. I mean, I can see all sorts of issues of personal identity applying to a name change, did you experience anything of the sort or am I really overthinking it? If that's not terribly clear I guess what I'm looking for is just generally to hear about your experience with changing your name.

Sorry for the uninvited and possibly intrusive questions, I just don't see myself getting this opportunity again and it's a decision I'd like to make one way or the other. I'd just really appreciate it if you'd do me the favor of indulging me with whatever you're okay with sharing. Thank you

No I think you're overthinking it, I was going to be completely unable to work with my old name and I knew that as every time i heard it I heard the rude comments and that sound that people make when they make fun of retards as my name basically echoed it by the end of highschool for me. Hearing it just gave me anxiety and meltdowns and made me unable to function, I would go straight into defensive mode upon hearing it. Even now when I hear somebody else with that old name I tend to run away from them. When I worked as a dancer for a few years and only ever used my stage name (in and out of the club) I knew I could never go back to using that old name. People use nicknames but when I tried to use them people would just tell me no, so having a name on my drivers license people couldn't deny it anymore. If I had done it younger I probably would of changed it to my stage name but then I decided against it but did change my middle name to my stage name, Blaze. I changed my last name back to my maiden name as I had been married right out of highschool and didn't really have anything else to change it too really and changed my first name completely (after a video game character naturally) .

 

[tee]

So I would push myself to keep going outside of my comfort zone, trying to be more social and outgoing. Because if I kept practicing at it then eventually I would even out and those skills would become natural to me. But, nope, I kept falling flat on my face, crashing and burning. Now I'm like... Oh, I see why.

Again, I relate so much to this. For so many years I was in therapy for anxiety and depression and they kept talking to me about "exposure therapy" and to keep putting myself in more and more uncomfortable situations. I guess there is probably some truth to it, but I worked a variety of jobs, made friends, went to college, and things kept getting worse and worse. Finally I hit kind of a breaking point a few years ago and had to quit my job and was kind of shut in for a long time with physical and emotional problems. I think the stress of HFA had a lot to do with it. I've been learning to work within my limitations better and its been really helpful. Just have to figure out a job to apply for that won't drive me crazy.

I hope your future interviews get less stressful! Don't let them make you look them in the eye (not sure if that's good advice)

 

[icesyckel]

I guess there is probably some truth to it, but I worked a variety of jobs, made friends, went to college, and things kept getting worse and worse.

Some people confront and overcome issues through exposure, but not everyone. Some shut down. That's the thing about therapy - it won't correct anything neurological rather than psychological. It can help you develop coping mechanisms, but it won't change the underlying issue that your brain is wired to perceive and process things differently.

So the point of therapy should have been to help you cope with uncomfortable situations. If it was failing to do that, then the therapist should have tried something else.

 

[RiverSong]

I had to look up every question and the appropriate answer just to pass the stupid personality tests they make you fill in with your application. I hated it as 90% of the answers were just straight lies from my standpoint. It would seem to make sense to look up every single possible question and get the appropriate answer for any question you get in an interview as well (can't believe I've actually never thought of this before). I hate lying though and I feel if I got a job based completely on my ability to lie I would just end up withdrawing at the job becoming more unable to communicate and feel comfortable with anybody at the workplace.

Yeah, I hate those surveys. They don't seem to serve much purpose especially since the majority of them just ask the same type of questions over and over again. I used to look up the appropriate answers when I first started job searching. Then I noticed the pattern and just kept answering what they wanted on those surveys. Which was basically answering from an extremely extroverted and NT perspective.

I can pass any job survey and test just find now. It's the face-to-face interviews and questioning that gets me. Like you, the last job I had was due to someone else getting the job for me. They vouched for me and basically got me hired without having an interview. If I had to interview for the job, I wouldn't have been hired.

I'm great at interviews. I just make like a normal and talk about crap normals like (e.g., college football).

I don't change who I am, but I know how to play the game. I call it wearing my "mask." It's draining, and it takes years of intentional work to perfect, but the mask comes in handy in situations like this. I suggest trying it in less stressful situations first, though.

College football? Huh? What is this normal talk you speak of? Is there a guidebook for speaking to the humans? This does not compute...

Again, I relate so much to this. For so many years I was in therapy for anxiety and depression and they kept talking to me about "exposure therapy" and to keep putting myself in more and more uncomfortable situations. I guess there is probably some truth to it, but I worked a variety of jobs, made friends, went to college, and things kept getting worse and worse. Finally I hit kind of a breaking point a few years ago and had to quit my job and was kind of shut in for a long time with physical and emotional problems. I think the stress of HFA had a lot to do with it. I've been learning to work within my limitations better and its been really helpful. Just have to figure out a job to apply for that won't drive me crazy.

I hope your future interviews get less stressful! Don't let them make you look them in the eye (not sure if that's good advice)

Yes, exposure therapy certainly isn't for everyone. I learned this the hard way. Continually exposing myself to situations to keep outside of my comfort zone in a hope of bettering me socially didn't really help at all. If anything, it made me dislike socializing even more. So I feel for you.

I'd like a job where I could work in a private office or cubical or whatever with little to no human interaction. Where I can come in, do my work, and go home with little personal interaction beyond a hello. Ah, my dream job, lol.

 

[Questella]

Is there a guidebook for speaking to the humans?

There's the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy so where is the Hitchhikers Guide to Earthlings?

 

[RiverSong]

There's the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy so where is the Hitchhikers Guide to Earthlings?

Yes, I need one of those!

 

[Mr Allen]

Google some practice interview questions and get somebody you know to "test" you on your answers.

 

[Observant]

When it comes to ambiguous personal questions such as "What are your goals?" or "Tell me about the hardest personal challenge you overcame" I get thrown for a loop not for the lack of answers, but WHY they were asked. When it comes to highly-technical questions I end up having to reign it my enthusiasm a great deal.

College football? Huh? What is this normal talk you speak of? Is there a guidebook for speaking to the humans? This does not compute...

I know how you feel, when people talk about sports, and when someone asks me about a particular game or team I have a strong urge to let out a loud groan and bang my head on my keyboard.

 

[tducey]

I get nervous too during interviews. If this helps this was sent by my former employment counselor last yr:

Common Interview Questions and Guidance on How to Answer Them


1. What is your greatest strength?

This is one of the questions that employers almost always ask. When you are asked about your greatest strengths, it's important to discuss the attributes that will qualify you for the specific job and set you apart from the other candidates.


2. What is your greatest weakness?

Another typical question interviewers will ask is about your weaknesses.

Do your best to frame your answers around positive aspects of your skills and abilities as an employee. Explain what you’re doing to improve upon that weakness.


3. Tell me about yourself.

Here’s how to answer questions about you without giving out too much – or too little – personal information. Start by sharing some of your personal interests which relate directly to the type of work you are interviewing for. Then highlight educational or past work experience that is relevant to the job. End with a brief statement about community involvement (groups, clubs) and volunteering work you are currently engaged in.


4. Why should we hire you?

Are you the best candidate for the job?

Be prepared to say why. Make your response a concise sales pitch that explains what you have to offer the employer, and why you should get the job.


5. Why are you leaving or have left your job?

When asked about why you are moving on, stick with the facts, be direct and focus your interview answer on the future, especially if your leaving wasn't under the best of circumstances.


6. Why do you want this job?

Be specific about what makes you a good fit for this role, and mention aspects of the company and position that appeal to you.


7. How do you handle stress and pressure?

What do you do when things don’t go smoothly at work? The best way to respond to this question is to give an example of how you have handled stress appropriately in a previous job.


8. Describe a difficult work situation / project and how you overcame it.

The interviewer wants to know what you do when you face a difficult decision. As with the question about stress, be prepared to share an example of what you did in a tough situation. Try and make this a professional example from your past work or volunteer experience.


9. What are your goals for the future?

This question is designed to find out if you’re going to stick around or move on as soon as you find a better opportunity. Keep your answer focused on the job and the company you’re interviewing with.


10. What do you know about this company?

Prepare a short statement that highlights the company’s structure and mandate. These facts can be easily sourced from the company’s website.


11. What are you like working in a team?

Your answer is of course that you are an excellent team player; there really is no other valid answer here. You may want to mention what type of role you tend to adopt in a team, especially if you want to emphasis key skills such as leadership. Be prepared to give specific examples in a very matter of fact sort of way.


12. Tell me about a challenge or conflict you've faced at work, and how you dealt with it.

In asking this interview question, your interviewer wants to get a sense of how you will respond to conflict. Anyone can seem nice and pleasant in a job interview, but what will happen if you’re hired and face a challenge? Be sure to focus on how you handled the situation professionally and productively, and ideally closing with a happy ending, like how you came to a resolution or compromise.


13. Do you have any questions for us?

This one tends to come up every time. Have some questions prepared. This will show you have done some research and are eager to know and learn as much as possible. You probably don’t want to ask more than 2 or 3 questions. Try and use questions that focus on you becoming an asset to the company. A generic one might be “how soon can I start if I were to get the job”. Another idea is to ask what you would be working on and how quickly they expect you to be able to be productive. Remember to ask about next steps and when you can expect to hear back.


Bare in mind that the interview starts from the minute you walk into the building until you leave and are out of sight. Don’t think that just because you have left the meeting room, you are “off the hook”. You need to maintain an image of confidence, enthusiasm, competence, reliability and professionalism throughout.


Good luck!

 

[tducey]

Apologies for the long post but it could be of a big help to anyone who has an interview and needs some practice questions to go by.

 

[Mary Anne]

I initially hesitated and was expecting to get crucified with that post for saying something that would, generally speaking, be considered ‘politically incorrect’. So, thank you Questella

I’m an aspie, and I deal with the same ******* that everyone else here deals with, and while I choose to not seek formal medication or therapy to keep things going: I do what I feel is necessary to survive, and alcohol (like it or not) is a form of self-medication that can (in appropriate dosage) be used to assist with your social inequities.

Interviewers can often smell that alcohol on the breath. Also, in some people,msometimes speech is affected very rapidly, with very little alcohol- before a person even feels inebriated. An experienced interviewer will recognize this. If it works for you though, then wonderful.