I've been cut off and I'm struggling to understand why.

[paloftoon]

While there are no rules per se for anything social, these are excellent guidelines that have been recommended. Don't look for any exceptions to the rule. If there are, you will just know. If you don't know, then even if the exception is happening, it simply means you are not ready for it. Keep things as natural and reciprocative as possible. Try to focus on that. If you are getting mixed or unsure signals, then if you've spent enough time waiting feeling it out, then just be direct 1-1 and ask politely. Give like 3-5 days, if a weekend is nearby, usually wait till the Monday after. Sometimes, people don't like to provide closure cause they don't want to hurt your feelings. And some people, they take your response offensively. Not everyone can handle honesty either. Regardless, you are probably the one who has to create the closure in an appropriate way. If you arent' sure, ask around as much as possible before making a big mistake. You might still anyway but at least try not to make a big mistake. You won't regret trying to do "your homework."

It could be something like, for example, that "you can still initiate contact with me, but I can't be FB friends with you anymore because I've never met you once in-person for platonic friendship or a date." If something actually happens, then work with your situation. Certainly don't expect it though. If you have to make the effort to do that, then in a way, you have your answer already :/ Kinda sad, but empowering at the same time.

 

[Kari_Cookie]

I think it’s ok to contact friends first. I contact my friends more than they contact me. If I don’t get respond more than few days, then I contacgt them the second time. If there’s still no respond, for me, it means they either very busy, or not interest in responding. Then I won’t make another attempt.

 

[Homebrand]

I can totally understand how you feel. It so frustrating when you just want something, anything in regards to a response and I wish people could understand how (for me at least) me brain can't just start to obsess over something like this. For other It might be easy to just put a thought or topic away and pick it back up at a time more suitable, but for me I often don't get to chose which thinks my brain should focus on. So a week, a few days or even (god forbid) a month to me can't feel like half a year.

 

[TheSocialNerd]

This has, I think, happened to me recently. Made friends with a girl but then term ended. Contacted her just to see how she was, and she replied, but there was about 24 hours between messages. Sort of figured she was distancing herself.

I really feel for you, man. It's awful to feel you're being ignored, or thinking that maybe you did something wrong and didn't realise.

I can only speak from my own experience, but it seems that you are a bit similar. I can come on too strong if I really like someone, even when I try and play it cool and just be friends. People pick up on this stuff, but its subtle and can be hard for people on the spectrum to do the same. I can't even explain what it is that clues them in, because I have very little clue myself - body language, the tone of voice and a few other things are probably part of it. There might even be "the smell of desperation" (which I'm not suggesting you have, just an example).

I would definitely stop messaging her. It's only going to make her less likely to contact you. Sending one to follow up is ok I think, after say, a day or two has passed - "Hey, just checking you got my last message" - but if she doesn't reply after that, sadly she's probably not interested. Think about it this way though - if she disliked you, she would probably say it to your face. I think NTs do this sort of thing because they care and empathise with people - maybe she needs time away from you, but she realises you can't help being who you are, and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It would be awkward to say right out to someone you cared about "I don't want to see you right now." Knowing this, if you happen to see her around again, I think it would be fine to talk to her, as long as she's comfortable with that.

Just know it doesn't reflect on you. One day, there will be a girl out there who thinks the world of you and accepts the quirks of your condition. I know all too well the feeling of thinking that it will never happen, but she's out there, somewhere. You've just got to have faith. Who knows - this girl might come back into your life. You've just got to give it time.

Long post, but I had a lot of thoughts. I hope I managed to help you a little bit. Good luck!

 

[AspieLadyUK]

I think there should be some sort of compromise here. Yes she should have some space, but she should be decent enough to explain why she needs the space and either explain roughly how long she needs space for, or to say that she doesn't want to talk at all again. Some people just say that they need space as a way to ghost someone because they are worried about being honest with them. Yes she may have anxiety, but the person who is waiting for a response from her can also get anxiety if they don't have some kind of explanation. It works both ways. It can also be frustrating sometimes to have feelings for someone who won't open up about what they are thinking and feeling with you.